Interesting update and great to hear this arrangement is working well for all. Out of interest is it a deliberate decision not to share too many details with your partner - I imagine many men in his position would enjoy hearing about the details. Or is his motivation more on enjoying idea of you being free spirit and being able to have lots of sexual freedom alongside your relationship? Also, is part of the appeal on ‘reclaiming you’ afterwards or is that not a factor?
Sorry for all the questions, these types of ENM arrangements and how a couple navigate them do sound very interesting.
Has the affair helped your marriage or is the affair more about the new sexual experience? Would you suggest to your husband to have one as well. Glad you are enjoying it and I hope it helps the you out.
Our marriage is fine and there is no way I’d risk it.
But we’ve both said recently that the affair has made things a bit “fresher” lately. I’m loving the extra social aspect as well as the sex and inevitably it means some nice new clothes and undies.
I think he’s wonderful for letting me do it, so I suppose that’s part of it.
I know lots of married women my age tend to dip their toes in the water of extra marital relationships and it can cause problems but with my husband knowing it honestly feels totally normal and healthy.
When people have an affair it is because they are not getting something at home. Whether that is social, feeling needed, appreciated, or even sex whether it is not enough, or good enough. The key is to know why you feel the desire to be in an extra marital relationship. I hope it works out for you. There is no way that my wife or could do this, but that is our relationship not yours. Good luck and enjoy it.
Yeah, talking to friends who are having affairs or who have had one, there is something they wanted, but nearly all have totally happy marriages and the ones who were unhappy the affair led to a divorce, like me with my first marriage.
I agree that I am looking for, or needing, something but I think it is all a positive dynamic. It is possible that I just don’t suit monogamy and my husband is luckily someone who accepts that, partly because of how our relationship started.
It is certainly working at the moment and if that changes I would end it straight away.
If she’d never said it was ok, or her affair wasn’t contingent on reciprocity then of course she can, because it’s about consent and what both parties are fine and aren’t fine with.
I once had an ex who didn’t care if I had sex with other women, she even sometimes enjoyed hearing about it. I, on the other hand, had a hard no for her having sex with other men and would have considered it a betrayal and cheating. That was agreed prior to me touching another woman and both parties were fine with the arrangement.
Had she then wanted to have sex with another man then of course I could object to it because I wasn’t ok with it… because we’d agreed beforehand what was ok and not ok.
I’ll give another example, I’ve given my wife total freedom if she wants it to have sex with any woman she wants and I’m fine with it. She doesn’t have to check with me beforehand, but there are some small stipulations I added that may cross the line for me. By your logic I should then have carte blanche to have sex with any man I want and she can’t object?
Because that’s not how consent and prior agreements on ethical non monogamy works. I’d even argue that’s not how relationships in general work.
Oh did i miss that she had not given consent for him to do the same? Sorry did not realise. It was just something i thought could be an issue in the future.
My husband is very adamant that under no circs would he share me with anyone. I think he is even jealous of my vibrators
I don’t think you missed it… you literally said that she can’t not give consent.
No harm done either way and not trying to be inflammatory. Just trying to clear up (what at least read like) any potential misconceptions or misunderstandings around things like this
