Tricky topic I appreciate.
Not a proper secret home wrecking affair
But my husband has sort of agreed to me having an affair. Not in a cuck or even open relationship way. Just that he would be ‘aware’.
I love the idea, I have to admit.
But how do you 40somethings go about it. With schools, work, life, etc.
I have not decided if I will yet but … it is tempting, I will admit.
I’m assuming you mean an occasional FWBs, rather than a full blown affair with potential feelings? Otherwise it sounds to me like he’s basically opening the relationship for your side.
Personally I think most affairs will wreck a marriage, but there’s probably lots of people on here who would disagree. What does ‘sort of agreed’ mean?
Yeah, hard to define in writing, but not feelings/love etc.
More a regular thing, bit more than FWB, might include nights away, lunches, but mostly just some extra sex.
We are still talking in vague terms about it.
Personally, I think that vagueness and ambiguity in these kinds of things are a pretty bad idea… unless you’re both ok with the possibility of you catching feelings.
Maybe this is more a sign of my personality, but I’d be looking (and suggest the same for you) to define what’s ok and what’s not, and definite barriers and make sure you communicate with your partner (ie the one you’re married to) all the time about it. A bit difficult if he says he doesn’t want to, and only wants to be ‘aware’ but for me I think that unless you’re super careful and know what’s in and out of bounds for both of you then this could end badly
Totally agree and will make that we are both totally clear before anything progresses.
Hey Anna, we have definitely chatted about dipping our toes into the ENM pool, but we haven’t taken the plunge just yet. The idea of an affair with the 3-meet rule really caught our attention—seems like a smart way to keep things light and breezy, right? We’re both on board with the idea that it could be a lot of fun, without letting things get too serious. Who knows, maybe we’ll be joining the club sooner than we think! 
Go on?
I’d guess it’s how you work it out between the both of you to proceed but from a perspective, you mentioned schools so I assume you’ve got kids? Maybe have a think on how it might effect them if they was to discover this sexual adventure…
I can only say say that when I had an (emotional) affair, feelings got involved and I am now fully polyamorous. Even my husband was a FWB but again, we fell. Sometimes it’s hard to be friends and have sex with someone and not fall in love.
This sounds like something we would enjoy 
the 3 meet rule is just to say no more than 3 ( or whatever number u decide) so that feelings for another done get chance to take hold
Hi Anna,
Having read your other post about the cherry popper and you socialising as a family with them now could this be the hint your husband is giving you to go back there
If you’re looking for someone to spend time with outside of sex, it will have to be someone you’re into … and that’s where feelings build from … plus you’ll only ever be experiencing ‘holiday vibes’ with them, so it’s even more iffy in terms of developing proper affection.
Are you really just after some extra sex? It sounds like you want more than that …
Hey Anna! So, here’s the 3-meet rule we’re playing with: I meet a guy, we keep things hot and thrilling, but we limit our sexy encounters to just three times. After that, it’s a wrap—no more meet-ups to keep things from getting too serious or complicated. It’s all about savoring the excitement and then moving on to the next enticing adventure 
. There are plenty of hot guys out there, so finding another one should be just as fun! 
Thanks everyone
I have always tried to avoid labels but ENM is probably as close as I am going to get.
I perhaps would like the sort of fortnightly meet for lunch and spend some time together in the afternoon type affair than the 3 meet thing. I get a bit tired of having to meet new people.
I met a friend for coffee yesterday who recently has had a 6 month affair - husband aware - and she said that there was no real risk of catching feelings, she found it easy to treat it as a light social relationship and enjoyed the sex. The problem she found is that as a mum, her job, and other aspects of life, she was simply not in the mood often on the days where meet ups had been scheduled and found that she cancelled as many dates as she had.
I can totally see how that might happen.
@anna.michelsburg you are certainly looking into this in great detail. I wish you the best of luck. You really are an incredible lady, you know what you want and how to get it. 10 out of 10 . 
Personally involving another person to a relationship is dangerous and if you do you can’t undo what you know, see, think and feel!
I would never want to ever do something like that, and have been at the other end of an affair! And it causes a lot of mental issues, trust, loyalty concerns.
I am a one man woman, and wouldn’t want a third in the relationship because I know the damage can be done and not undone ever. Like they say you can forgive, but you can’t forget.