Me and my OH are thinking of venturing into the world of anal play and anal sex. We are planning to take it slowly but she is understandbly nervous about the whole thing and i really want to make her feel comfortable and I want us both to hopefully enjoy it.
I have trawled the forums here and there is lots of brilliant advice which i am going to show her over a glass of wine however there are a few things we really could do with you guys advice on.
I have read lots of feeds about doucing and best lube for anal. What my OH is really worried about is the next few days. From doing it, do you get repercussions like a sore bum and diahorrea the next day?
Also she gets IBS when she is nervous and obviously she is going to be pretty uptight trying it for the first time. Is anal a good idea with IBS, does it make it worse? Does doucing make it worse?
She has suggested she would find missonary the most relaxing position for 1st time, in all the forums i havent found anyone recomending it for a begineer, cowgirl seems to be the best. Is missonary difficult?
How many times did people have anal before they really started enjoying it? Is it going to take a few attempts until it is pleasurable?
Thanks for the advice. I never thought i would come online and ask questions like this or even be trying anal but this is such a great site and community we have been inspired to get a bit more racier.
I have colitis as well as IBD (the one up in severity from IBS) and i had no worries after etc... Douching would not make it worse assuming your not using something that cannot be used internally lol (so dont use bleach ;) ),That would just be like an emema and at one point i was in hopsital three weeks i was so ill and had to have them twice a day. So the douche is just fine all it does is cleans :) But in terms of anal itself making things worse ive not found that at all. She should be totally fine
Im still starting and i am now starting to enjoy it on its own. Normally i have to have something else going on at the same time. usually a bullet or some kind of clit stimulation for me its more about finding the right angle.
I hope this helps! Please tell her not to worry about her bowel probs. Obs if she is having a a flare up and is sore down there any kind of friction will make it worse but besides from that there is no harm :) Plus you can also get sterile lube if she is very worried.
Relax, the most important thing in anal play of any sort is to relax...and lube!
As long as you do everything in her time and start slow you will be fine. By starting Slow I mean using a slim toy, maybe a slim vibrator, and slowly build up the toy size over different sessions to match your cock size. That way there'll be no soreness.
Since you both have the same anatomical feature, why not try on yourself too. Gives moral support to her and will go a long way understanding the feelings and sensations she will go through in this.
Just remember it's not like it is in the movies, well not initially anyway!
My first time was pleasurable although slightly uncomfortable, I think it's a manageable discomfort at first as long as you use the right lube and go slowly! I wouldn't say douching would make it worse as it is simply a cleaning process.
For positions, I think people would recommend cowgirl as being on top she can control the depth so she can go as deep as she feels comfortable with. I personally was on my front with my partner on top of me coming from behind (almost like a lying down doggy style) and that felt good for me but I think it depends on what she wants to do and if she'd rather be top or bottom.
Final advice would be just take it slowly, use anal lubricant and maybe have a code word so if she wants to stop or isn't ready for more depth she can say that and you can both still enjoy but at her comfort. :) Have fun!
Just Jenson - wonderful advice, especially about moral support! So many straight guys want to give it, but wont receive. Therefore they have no appreciation of how difficult it can be if you don't take your time.
illtakethehighroad - I agree with NatandTom that laying on her tummy is a good position. That's only my opinion, and I'm very much a beginner. Good luck!
For me i found its easier to be in a spooning position with constant communication. I prefer my husband being in control but i tell him to slow down, stop, speed up etc.
slowly get in and then stop is my advice. I find that once hes in, i need about 30 secs of him being still to adjust to the stretching sensation. Once i feel comfortable then we usually do a little while of slow, gentle thrusting.
Then we go into doggy position and its easier for him to get in as im already warmed up, then we gradually build up speed and depth.
As for afterwards, i usually find that i feel like i am desperate for the loo! Once im there i sometimes pass a very small amount. The next day can sometimes be similar. I wouldnt say its like diarhea, but because of the amount of lube i use, it kind of lubricates the inside so it slips out easier! Theres usually no urgency or anything painful though so its not like it causes diarrhea.
Thanks for all the advice. my post sounds like we were jumping the play and experimentation and straight to anal. We are not, it is just i have found lots of great advice on the forums about play and build up and i dont expect we will be getting to full blown anal any time soon. Lots of exploring first!
Thanks Fantasiafairy. Thats a relief to know this. Personally if people replied back saying it made IBS worse i am not sure i would want to take it any further, i wouldnt want it to affect her .
JustJenson. Completly understand where you are coming from. I am a bit long in the tooth but when i was younger the only guys who seemed to want to do Anal was not because it was a very shared intimate moment but so they could boast to their mates that their partners let them. A couple of her ex's tried the 'oops wrong hole trick' and understably she associates it with bastards.
For years i had no interest in it because i am not really that sort of person who would force it on my other half unless it was pleasurable for both of us, never realised it could actually be pleasurable for women until i came on here. Thought it was for men and their prostate only and women only did it to keep their men happy who had watched in on porn. . It was a realy suprise to see women saying they enjoyed it.
I really have no interest in doing it unless its as pleasurable for her as it is (hopefully) for me. So yes i want to recieve as well. Give and take. I have tried a bit of play on myself and it is brilliant, hence i hope i can show her it is worth getting over the understandble fear and grossness factor.
She is lucky enough to be able to orgasm easily vaginally as her G Spot is very sensitive which in my (limited) experience is unsual. Hoping that anal play can add to the reportoire of G spot stimulation. Will trying a plug with vaginal sex help this in anyones opinion?
Sounds like cowgirl in the best and to be honest i love it when she takes charge.
oh and JM88 thanks for the feeback on after affects. My OH was really worried she would have a sore bum for days. I said that would be doing it wrong if that happened. Good to have it confirmed that any feeling wont last long.
Shes also worried about having really bad farts for days. More because she sits in an office where you can hear a pin drop! Obviously IBS makes this worse. At home she can always blame me!
I suppose the only other question i had was how many times did you do it before it felt easy? Do you always get the after affects of feeling like needing a poo?
It depends on how much warm up has been done, most of the time it feels easy now but it can still be uncomfortable if there wasn't enough foreplay, the same with vaginal sex I suppose. And yes I always get that effect but it's a similar feeling to pressure being applied to the g spot that might make you want to wee or squirt.
oh and JM88 thanks for the feeback on after affects. My OH was really worried she would have a sore bum for days. I said that would be doing it wrong if that happened. Good to have it confirmed that any feeling wont last long.
Shes also worried about having really bad farts for days. More because she sits in an office where you can hear a pin drop! Obviously IBS makes this worse. At home she can always blame me!
I suppose the only other question i had was how many times did you do it before it felt easy? Do you always get the after affects of feeling like needing a poo?
Being completely honest here, with anal sex there is a chance of air being pushed inside. I find that i get the feeling like i need the loo, but when i go immediately after sex it is a bit windy lets say, and any lube thats in me also comes out (sometimes also a small bowel movement). As we are pretty comfortable with each other it doesnt bother us in the slightest! I always make sure i am sat on the toilet before i dare let one go, but thats mainly because of the lube coming out! Afterwards theres no ongoing gas, so she shouldnt suffer at work. Maybe try it when she has the next day off just to put her mind at rest?
For me it took around 4 goes before it became "easy". The general trick is that as you push in, she needs to push (as if shes trying to poo) to allow easier entry. It really does work even though its tricky to get your head around it.
Its all personal preferance, but i dont think i could manage it reverse cowgirl style. I would consider that something that more experienced people do!
My wife and I have been enjoying anal sex for many years now,well over 16 without any issues. We range from penetration to toys and fisting and this includes in the past few years my wife doing me including pegging which is great fun. Going back all those years to the beginning there was an initial degree of tightness and discomfort but if you use plenty of lube then it is that much easier and more comfortable. Over time you do find it is that much easier and more comfortable. Always important to be relaxed and sometime when for whatever reason you aren't in the mood to not indulge. I think it's safe to say that we both love the giving and receiving. It is surprising just how big an object or fist you can take. Take it easy, lots of lube and if at first you don't feel entirely sure come back to it. It really is pleasurable sex.
I suffer with IBS but have been having great adventurous anal sex for 7 ish years now! For me it is all about timing...there are certain times where my IBS flares up and gets worse and if my OH mentions anal during these times the answer is always no.
I can understand why she's a bit apprehensive about it because I definitely felt before I started that I would have no control over things down there but it's surprising how much control I do have! I would agree with other people's suggestions on position and trying it lying on her front is probably the best for first time. I found missionary hurt quite a bit the first time I did it it in that position so I wouldn't recommend that but then everyone is different :) definitely take it slow! There's nothing worse than pushing in just a bit too far for her, it could put her off for life!
It'll hurt afterwards for her no matter what. Just be gentle and considerate and no pressure. I did it and the guy was so nice I have never looked back, even though it hurt the first time and I'm no longer with him. Use a lot of lube and go slow. All the advice I can give. That and make bacon in the morning, that helps
Excellent advice from you all. Thanks a bunch. I am going to show her this thread and hopefully the fun starts soon. I cant wait. Well Kc i wish we had tried this years ago but better late than never! Dont think we are too vanilla but this has always been off the cards so nice to introduce it to our repotoire.
Jm88 we are both comfortable with each other as well, she is a bit more ikky about the risk of poo aspect but it doesnt bother me one bit. We have children and the amount of crap we have had to clear up a bit of a fart or other escapes seems minor. The farts was more a joke between us, she reguarly does them out and about and blames them on me so dont see much change after! That comment might get me into trouble when she reads it!
oh Littlegemz i can completely understand she is apprehensive and i am too, i know how much she has suffered with it and i really dont want to make it worse. Hence i was hesitant to suggest it for ages.
Hmm i thought missionary with the angles and everything might be a bit akward pushing the wrong way inside her. Nice to have that confirmed. Think cowgirl is the way to go, let her control it! Shes not a big fan on being on her tummy for vaginal sex as she finds it doesnt hit the G spot well. Might be different for anal. Will think about it.
Every thread i have seen says take it slow, so that has totally sunken in!!!
Illtakethehighroad - Tracey Cox has been doing a series of blog posts about anal that are well worth a read. Not sure if I'm allowed to link, but a google search with find it for you.
Caliente- Seeing as we are partial to the Tracy Cox stuff off this website and it always comes with great instructions i should have thought of that. Thanks will check her out.
Have to say it took OH and I some time to really enjoy anal, but now both of us have our best experiences with it. OH does feel a little sore the next day but is happy to live with that for the high it gives her.
Best positions? Probably side entry and rear admiral. I prefer the latter as it lets me get in really deep and ride her hard when she asks. Anal normally forms part of a long night session with at least two orgasms each with vaginal sex first so we're both really relaxed. Then she'll signal she wants me to taker her anally by slipping a condom on me, lubing up and getting into position. More recently she's been slipping a but plug into me first which helps build the excitement. Now we're jsut sorry we didn't start experimenting sooner.