Anybody else think anal is vanilla?

After conducting some google-based research it appears that quite a lot of people think anal sex is kinky.

I do not regard myself as kinky (the kinkiest things I'm into are biting and the idea of sex during a thunderstorm, so I suppose 'vanilla with a hint of spice' is as far as I'm prepared to go when describing myself) and I regard anal as vanilla because for me it's my normal, preferred, go-to method of intercourse.

I appreciate that it could well be incorporated into kinky goings-on, but I think the basic act itself, especially if it's just 2 people and a bed, without any extra add ons or objects, is pretty vanilla.

Anybody else think it's vanilla? or can be vanilla? what in your opinion would be the requirements for it to be vanilla?

I think what is classed as vanilla is very subjective and different for everyone. Personally I would class anal sex as a taboo rather than putting it in the kinky category. However, this being said I think anal sex could be somebody's kink if thats what they are really into.

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I think with lots of acts, the act itself isn’t particularly vanilla or particularly kinky, it’s the intention around the act.

Labels only take us so far with sex. Using vanilla and kinky gives an indication of what sort of things we may like, but we always need to explain further

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I think it depends on the person. For me, I don't really do much anal wise and tend to just use toys for that. I am interested in trying full anal sex at some point when I can work up to it. So because my experience is limited with it, I view it as not vanilla. But to someone who does anal on a regular basis, it could be more vanilla to them.

I wouldn't say anal is vanilla, but I wouldn't say it was kinky or taboo either.

I would say it was pretty mainstream.

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KinkyMira wrote:

I wouldn't say anal is vanilla, but I wouldn't say it was kinky or taboo either.

I would say it was pretty mainstream.

It's kind of a weird one because it seems like it fits into lots of different categories.

Yes it does. I asked this question at a girls night in last night (via video conference). and no one thought vanilla was the right word. That's where the consensus stopped. All sorts of words were used, like regular, everyday, compulsary and standard.

I don't think it's vanilla. I read an article a while back on vanilla privilege (there are a few interesting pieces on Tumblr and Wordpress about it - but I cannot find the exact one I read). If you do an internet search for vanilla privilege there are some (in my opinion) really well-written think pieces on what is considered vanilla.

нинаnin wrote:

I don't think it's vanilla. I read an article a while back on vanilla privilege (there are a few interesting pieces on Tumblr and Wordpress about it - but I cannot find the exact one I read). If you do an internet search for vanilla privilege there are some (in my opinion) really well-written think pieces on what is considered vanilla.

Thanks for the suggestion, I'll look into it.

It's interesting to see how people describe it.

You only have to look on here to see how many people are into it. Imagine all the people who also are into it and never post about it. As with everything it depends who you ask. It went on lots before Internet forums existed but was considered more taboo because nobody was openly talking about it (not to the extent people do here for example). What I find it is when it comes to relationships you’re either both into it, or you’re not. If only one person in the couple likes it then it’s likely one person considers it vanilla and the other doesn’t - and therefore won’t occur much. But then that can also be the case for that people who consider it vanilla but it’s just not what they typically do. My girlfriend and I are both fans of it and would say it’s nothing extra special. But at the same time it’s something we only do maybe a handful of times a year.

In my opinion it all depends on how far a person will go. Someone may only have anal when they are intoxicated so will class it as kinky. I however, would do it as part of the session we are having. Even if it’s just to finish off up there whereas choking on said penis or having pee play is pretty kinky to me

This is one of those ‘what is normal’ questions isn’t it ? There is no normal - only things we become ‘normalized’ by if you will.

I wouldn’t class it as vanilla but given it’s popularity and the amount of people that do it Id say that it’s raspberry ripple … so vanilla with a little bit of an added Flavour if you will :icecream:

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Anal is pretty normalized, but I suppose it depends where you are/who you talk to. Some people find it very taboo, some do not. Some people consider pegging more taboo than other anal sex because of outdated ideas about masculinity, I’m sure you could find some who are only offended by mlm engaging in anal.

Personally, I wouldn’t call myself kinky for liking anal sex, but I’ve also been raised in a sex-positive household and I have plenty more unusual preferences, some people might consider anal extreme.

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My feeling is that it’s not vanilla but no longer as taboo as it used to be. It’s still not discussed as openly as PIV sex in polite conversations but most people know it is an option.
For me anal sex is special rather than kinky.

My wife used to be reluctant to even discuss anal play but has gradually come to enjoy all our anal activities. Even so, when we have anal sex, I know that she is giving me something very special and that makes it incredibly intimate and very special for me too.

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context is all. here it’s not that unusual, but on a FB menopause group I’m in, you’d think it was The Work Of The Devil…

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In the year 2020, i think the concept of anal being vanilla or kinky is probably more determined by the context of the act.

A slow and gentle anal session, lots of warm up beforehand, and in a traditionally ‘soft’ position like missionary with lots of kisses and eye contact has the hallmarks of something rather vanilla.

On the otherhand, rough vaginal sex, someone tied up, aggressive vocals, spanking/biting etc doesn’t sound very vanilla to me.

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Because their way of sex, rightly or wrongly, is not considered the default, the kink community has had to develop an incredibly specific and far-reaching vocabulary with which to discuss and examine wants, desires, and actions. There are workshops, conferences, and message boards all designed to let kinky people understand themselves and their parters better—so they do.

And that, I think, is what’s missing from vanilla sex. Rather than trying to “spice up” your love life with imported sexual practices that don’t fit your tastes, why not borrow kink culture’s emphasis on dialogue and enthusiastic consent? The hottest move your sex life can steal from kink isn’t handcuffs, it’s discussion.

I really like this idea from the Gawker article on the topic. One of the things I’ve really liked about sites like this and XR University materials is exactly that. The focus on communication.

@rockstar I 100% agree. We have anal probably once or twice a month. PIV 3 or 4 times a week. I always feel much more emotionally connected to my Husband during anal. Unsure if its because we use condoms for PIV (no vasectomy results yet) but bare back for anal. He is so gentle and loving its very special.

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