Argh! Anal is Annoying - Advice Please

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Hi All,

Right, I have pretty much read all the threads I can find on anal, but I am still searching for answers so wondered if any of you lovely peeps can offer advice.

Hubby has been after anal for 10 years bless him, it is only since Christmas that I have been seriously willing to try and I actually really want to do it. However, it is proving to be very difficult.

I got some anal toys to get used to things going up there, so I have these:

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16479

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=24636

Anal beads were a hit straight away, both solo and together. No issues getting them in, so thought all was going well.

The butt plug however is a bit different. When it first goes in, I get the same sort of stingy uncomfortable feeling I get when hubby tries to enter. However if I leave it in it does wear off and then feels pretty good. However it does pop out of it's own accord.

we have lubed, and lubed and lubed up. Hubby cannot enter me. We have tried lots of positions, with him in control and me.

I was thinking that maybe I could try an anal dildo on my own to try and get myself to open up a bit. Hubby is on night for a couple of weeks, so it's a good opportunity for me to be able to focus on myself and find out what i need to do to get to a point he can come on in.

So my main questions are:

1. Any recommendations for good anal vibe/dildo. Would like something more realistic if possible.

2. Are some people just not made for anal? Am I fighting a losing battle?

Any other advice greatly received.

2

Hi LadyS - The best advice I can give is to take is extremely slowly and use lots of lube. It is always best to start with a finger - my Husband uses a glove when he does this so that afterwards you just turn it inside out and you have no worries about mess etc. We use these:-

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=10680

We also use a relaxing anal spray which I find invaluable. The great thing about this spray is that you really don’t loose any sensation at all - and there are no long-term effects. Nothing gets looser, so to speak - it just helps things to relax and not burn. I personally use 3 sprays, but the bottle does suggest using between 2-3 sprays - it depends on how you feel. Just try a couple of sprays and wait for about 5 minutes:

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=28767

It may take several sessions before you are able to penetrate fully - just take as long as you need and build up very slowly. Just get used to playing with your fingers for a couple of sessions and enjoy those sensations before you try again - you can try to build up to 2 fingers then 3 fingers - making sure you use lots of lube - this is essential - I use Sliquid Sassy as it does not contain any chemical nasties - but there are lots of anal lubes on LH to choose from:

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=11373

Also this beginner's anal vibe is very highly reviewed and looks very good:

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=7417

I hope this all helps and good luck :) xx

3

Hi LadyS, I know you've said you've read the threads, but...

That stinging feeling you have, that is from stretching the sphincter too quickly, or whilst not sufficiently relaxed. You really must go sslllloooooowwwwlllllyyyyy when entering things up there!

I think you've got the right idea, but maybe just go a bit slower with the plug when inserting it, My biggest anal toy I take almost 5 minutes in actually getting it in, really cannot emphasise the take your time bit enough!

You might need to invest in a few anal toys to train yourself to take your hubby's penis, and it's time that will pay dividends, as you work up to taking something bigger - just go sslllloooooowwwwlllllyyyyy!

4

Thanks guys,

I knew I could rely on some good advice to get me on track. You have both been a great help. I am determined to do it. He's never really asked me for anything else, other than the stuff I'm happy to do, but this is the only thing out of my comfort zone really. I will be making some anal play investments and will just take is ssslllooooowwwwlllllyyyy as advised by SS, I think I was just going slowly, which is clearly no good, lol.

Thanks again :)

5

Make friends with your anus. Every time you poop, douche with warm water then wash and let a soapy finger massage inside, do the same when you shower, douche and massage it won't be long before you can slip two fingers in.

Don't give up, one step at a time. Get your anus used to being touched and penetrated,

Relax and enjoy. x

6

BrumGuy wrote:

Make friends with your anus. Every time you poop, douche with warm water then wash and let a soapy finger massage inside, do the same when you shower, douche and massage it won't be long before you can slip two fingers in.

Don't give up, one step at a time. Get your anus used to being touched and penetrated,

Relax and enjoy. x

Whilst douching is great, I really wouldn't advise doing it more than once or twice a week. There are loads of healthy bacteria and other organisms that you don't want to wash away the whole time.
7

As alien as that concept sounds BrumGuy, I think you might make a very good point. My bum is not exactly on friendly terms with foreign objects, it does it's job and that's that. Maybe it is time to lose the inhibitions and treat it with a bit more love :) Thanks for your reply x

8

Sum Sub wrote:

BrumGuy wrote:

Make friends with your anus. Every time you poop, douche with warm water then wash and let a soapy finger massage inside, do the same when you shower, douche and massage it won't be long before you can slip two fingers in.

Don't give up, one step at a time. Get your anus used to being touched and penetrated,

Relax and enjoy. x

Whilst douching is great, I really wouldn't advise doing it more than once or twice a week. There are loads of healthy bacteria and other organisms that you don't want to wash away the whole time.

No worries there SS, can't exactly be douching everytime when your 2 year old is hot on your heels everytime you go to the bathroom, lol.

9

Hi When I said douche I mean just the first few inches so that you dont get anything under your nails!

You don't have to do the whole four foot of your colon. Doing the first few inches won't upset the bacterial content there's ten times more of it left.

Hope you get there in the end.x

10

You may have a problem with your butt plug slipping out because you're using too much lube. I had this problem initially, I didn't think there was a such thing as using too much lube, especially when things are going up there!! I wanted as much as possible! But I've found using a smaller amount stops it from popping out. These things just take time, I've found the best position for anal sex is spooning initially, and once he's fully inside I ask him to stay perfectly still until my body adjusts to him being there. I've also found that once I'm comfortable, I will put one of my legs over his two legs, so I'm half lying on too of him, with my legs being open I find that it helps my back end open up a bit more and I find it more comfortable that way. Then once I'm fully adjusted we move into different positions.

You may also want to try out the lovehoney basics butt plug, that's where I started, there's more of a slope than the one you have, and I feel it makes things easier.

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16053

Make sure you use a good quality anal lubricant, anal lubricant provides some cushioning and helps prevent injury. We use Maximus anal lubricant, and I've found that to be the best one we've used so far. Hope that helps xx

11

Every anus is different so it could be your plug is the wrong shape for you. Try buy anotherone with a longer/shorter "neck". Also glass plugs are great, were much easier to "train" my GF's anus with them since you get 100% control with glass. Also does not require as much lube and are much more comfortable.

Further it will help if he stimulates you while playing with your ass. The more aroused you get the more easely he can get things to enter you. Also to go from the beginners but plug -> penetrating anal sex...could be you want a medium sized plug in there before you go down that route.

I would really recommend this to help you out:

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=4734

It's probably the best buy I have done so far. Glass can feel a bit "strange" first times as it heats up but it's good size and easy to control with the loop.

Further, for penetrating anal sex it is not just you who needs to do your deed. The man need to be really really hard to make penetration easy so a cock ring or similar might help out in case there are any problems on that front.

12

Blimey, my anal wishlist is starting to get rather long, lol.

@Mrs - that makes sense actually, about too much lube. I did tell hubby not to hold back with it, and it slid out so easy, so maybe it was too lubed.

@Morthius - I love the look of that butt plug. I have glass dildos and love them, so maybe i would love the glass plug too. Good tip about the cock ring too. Not this attempt but the one before I did feel he wasn't firm enough, which made me feel tense, everything got a bit awkward and i didn't want to try anymore.

All fab advice as always.

13

Hey there - do not despair!!! There are others who have been in the same boat as you!

Firstly, it's great that you are exploring this avenue of play. I might throw in that since hubby has wanted it for 10 years... is he prepared to recieve too?! - just one to stir up the hornets nest there ;-)

As for your issues - there's probably quite a few simple solutions...

Firstly - plug stinging initially. I have the same plug - so know it is made out of rubber. Not that there is any issue with rubber toys, it may just be you are sensitiv to rubber and that is what the stining may be. It may also be the lube you are using doesnt agree with you. Perhaps try a silicone plug and an organic/allergy free lube. All available on here of course. You may also want to try glass, which is very skin safe, however is a very different feeling altogether as it is rigid - so has no give whatsoever.

As for the plug slipping out, this is very common so do not worry. Again it is down to a number of things. Firstly plug size and dimensions. I know this is a rather small plug so easy to get in. However remember the easier it goes in, the easier it comes out. Als, if it is slipping out after a while, it is most likely down to you relaxing enough and so it will slip out. Remember the anus and the sphincter muscles are designed to work to push things out. This is why relaxation is so key to anal play for all parties involved. Also as others had suggested, perhaps too much lube too.

If you decide to choose another plug, try search for one which has a noticeable difference between the widest part and the stem. By the stem, I mean the part that your anus will 'grip' onto, as opposed the the 'head' which sits inside you.

In terms of penetration, this is somewhere where my OH and I have struggled somewhat also. I am perfectly fine with a using a toy or fingers on myself, but as soon as she tries to use anything on me I completely close up. Basically it took a lot of time for me to completely relax with her - not that I didnt trust her, but becasue I didnt trust myself if that makes sense? It will happen, and I think yes using a dildo will help as pentration with a dildo/cock is very different stimulus to butt plugs.

If you feel rubber is ok for you then I recommend this beauty:

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=13992

It starts of slim, so great for initial penetration and then gets to a resonable thickness. It also has a suction cup ;-)

It is also pretty realistic in terms of dimensions of a cock so will help you prepare for your husband.

Some other advice which may help to relax is to do some stretches to work your butt, thighs, hamstring and groin area. Sounds daft, but everything is connected, so by keeping everything supple and in good shape, it will work wonders for you to relax when needed.

In terms of cleanliness, some have mentioned douches which are great if use properly, and can be an amazingly intimate shared experience too. Other practices I adopt when I know I am gong to have anal play is to increase my water intake for the few days prior and adjust my diet too. Stay away from fired and fatty foods and increase the veg/salad content. Helps keeps things moving for fuller evacuations.

Most people only consider the 'giver' incleanliness situations, but believe me, it is far worse for the receiver. Firstly if there si any doubt that you may not be as clean as you like, you will never relax properly. Whats worse is you may not feel comfortable discussing it with your OH at the time and so go ahead anyway, unrelaxed and risk injury or a not so pleasant playtime. I am assuming though you two are comfortable discussin this sort of thing.

Anyway, hope this all helps - well done for asking for advice and delving into the wonderful world of anal fun!

14

To be honest, I wouldn't try glass for now until you're more advanced in anal play. I would say I'm intermediate, we have anal sex and use butt plugs but I haven't tried anything particularly big. I have a glass plug, but I haven't had the courage to try it out yet. Glass has no give at all, i think you're best using something that's pretty flexible until you can get used to it. Glass won't have any give and may feel uncomfortable to begin with x

15

Great posy Jenson, thanks for all the info. I was actually really surprise that an enquiry about him receiving anal play was met with a maybe that edged closer to yes than no. So I think we will do that one day.

I did invest in a douche and have used it, because I realised I was paranoid about mess the whole time we were trying things. I used it this most recent attempt there was a noticeable difference in how much calmer I felt about it all. Just need to convey that relaxed feeling to my muscles int hat area and maybe we will get somewhere, lol.

I have toying for a couple of days with posting, as I know there have been endless posts on anal play, but after reading them again, I decided I needed less general info and more to my actual situation, so really glad I posted now as all this information is really helping me formulate a plan.

16

MrsMcX wrote:

To be honest, I wouldn't try glass for now until you're more advanced in anal play. I would say I'm intermediate, we have anal sex and use butt plugs but I haven't tried anything particularly big. I have a glass plug, but I haven't had the courage to try it out yet. Glass has no give at all, i think you're best using something that's pretty flexible until you can get used to it. Glass won't have any give and may feel uncomfortable to begin with x

I will bear that in mind Mrs thank you, they just look so pretty and appealling, it's hard to get swayed towards them :)

17

I know!! That's why I bought one, it was being discontinued along with a ceramix plug, so I got them but they are quite big, and with them being so rigid I'm a bit nervous about it, but I'll get there one day :)

18

Thankyou OP for asking this. Its something in interested in but when it comes down to it i chicken out after the first try. Have tried the LH smooth anal prober which i found ok but still had the problem when he tried to enter. The advice given here is fab and will take it all onboard in the hope it will help me too.

S xx

19

Thanks Amanda, more great advice :) I am so glad I have LH to guide me through this. Your early attempts at it don't sound fun. I admit he did try once about 8 years ago, when we were both drunk and it hurt so much I told him never again, it's taken this long for me to be willing to try again, difference being I want to do it now, I never really did before.

Think I will def get the plug that's in the 3 for £10, will throw some lube in with it too to try. Will have enough Oh! point in the next week for the prober too, so that's probably worth a try. Cheap ways to try new things sounds like a good plan.

:)

20

Glad you have found it helpful snow38, this is why LH is so fabulous. We all get to learn together and share, it's a fab resource.