I think that confidence is about self-respect, and arrogance is about anger. In my experience, confident people have a high regard for themselves and others, and arrogant people spend a lot of time hating and denigrating others. In my experience, confident people can enjoy achievement whether it's their own or somebody else's, and arrogant people enjoy putting others down.
I have found that anger can definitely be a huge turn-on, especially if the anger is coming from a person who is comfortable with it and behaves respectfully during it. Angry sex can be amazingly hot! But unpredictable volatile anger combined with the loathing I often observe in arrogant people is definitely a huge turn-off for me.
A poor self image is a turn off for me because if they don't care for and respect themselves, then how can I expect them to esteem me any higher? Also with poor self esteem, I find I am often the target of attempted manipulation into complimenting and reassuring (i.e. "No, honestly, you look great"). And I find that very tiresome and annoying because it never ends. I wrote a bit about that:
Arrogance is a turn off for me because if they are in the habit of putting other people down, how long before they start putting me down? In my experience, arrogance is just anger dressed up in an attitude, so I stay well clear of it in acquaintances, friends, and partners.
I think that people who are uncomfortable in their own skin are unattractive to me - not because I give a shit about whatever personality or body feature(s) they dislike about themselves, but because their poor self-regard is evidence of a significantly impaired ability to hold me in high regard.
I think that confidence is about self-respect, and arrogance is about anger. In my experience, confident people have a high regard for themselves and others, and arrogant people spend a lot of time hating and denigrating others. In my experience, confident people can enjoy achievement whether it's their own or somebody else's, and arrogant people enjoy putting others down.
Ahh I want your eloquence! You've exactly nailed the difference...a confident person will say "yes I did well/look good" an arrogant person will say "I did better/look better than you" ... they need to feel bigger and better so they put others down and I concur that this is a total turn-off in everyone!
their poor self-regard is evidence of a significantly impaired ability to hold me in high regard.
The only part of your post that I perhaps don't entirely agree with was the above about not being able to esteem others well because of poor self image. My self esteem for example is up and down like a yo-yo but my love, respect, care and admiration for others remains constant however I may be feeling about my self.
I think the things that cause low self esteem definately can also cause problems in respecting and loving others but don't think it's always the case that they exist together.
In cases where an individual is constantly fishing for compliments to nurse low self esteem I agree this is very off putting. It just seems rather narcissistic to me!
Ahh I want your eloquence! You've exactly nailed the difference...a confident person will say "yes I did well/look good" an arrogant person will say "I did better/look better than you" ... they need to feel bigger and better so they put others down and I concur that this is a total turn-off in everyone!
their poor self-regard is evidence of a significantly impaired ability to hold me in high regard.
The only part of your post that I perhaps don't entirely agree with was the above about not being able to esteem others well because of poor self image. My self esteem for example is up and down like a yo-yo but my love, respect, care and admiration for others remains constant however I may be feeling about my self.
I think the things that cause low self esteem definately can also cause problems in respecting and loving others but don't think it's always the case that they exist together.
In cases where an individual is constantly fishing for compliments to nurse low self esteem I agree this is very off putting. It just seems rather narcissistic to me!
I'm glad some nails were hit. :)
And you're right, instead of "hold me in high regard" I should have said "consistently behave as if they held me in high regard". Because in my experience however much regard a person has for me, if their self-esteem drops for whatever reason, I find that they frequently become (at least temporarily) more self-absorbed and less able to empathise with me and listen responsively. This is what I meant by a significantly impaired ability to hold me in esteem, not their feelings about it, but their behaviour. And for me, it might as well be the same thing, because from my perspective, the outcome is the same. So I find that this can lead to problems.
Ahh I want your eloquence! You've exactly nailed the difference...a confident person will say "yes I did well/look good" an arrogant person will say "I did better/look better than you" ... they need to feel bigger and better so they put others down and I concur that this is a total turn-off in everyone!
their poor self-regard is evidence of a significantly impaired ability to hold me in high regard.
The only part of your post that I perhaps don't entirely agree with was the above about not being able to esteem others well because of poor self image. My self esteem for example is up and down like a yo-yo but my love, respect, care and admiration for others remains constant however I may be feeling about my self.
I think the things that cause low self esteem definately can also cause problems in respecting and loving others but don't think it's always the case that they exist together.
In cases where an individual is constantly fishing for compliments to nurse low self esteem I agree this is very off putting. It just seems rather narcissistic to me!
I'm glad some nails were hit. :)
And you're right, instead of "hold me in high regard" I should have said "consistently behave as if they held me in high regard". Because in my experience however much regard a person has for me, if their self-esteem drops for whatever reason, I find that they frequently become (at least temporarily) more self-absorbed and less able to empathise with me and listen responsively. This is what I meant by a significantly impaired ability to hold me in esteem, not their feelings about it, but their behaviour. And for me, it might as well be the same thing, because from my perspective, the outcome is the same. So I find that this can lead to problems.
Ahh yes I think you're right there! When my self esteem plummets I know I feel like I want to just sulk and feel sorry for myself. I'm used to having wavering confidence now so I always make more of an effort with my loved ones to make sure I don't drag them down with me. I also get a lot of pleasure from taking care of and being kind to others so in doing that I feel happier and better about myself! Win-win!
If I didn't acknowledge those times when my confidence is low and refuse to give in to it I would almost certainly be a complete pain in the bum (and not the good kind External Media!)
