Ask the Expert: Bondage and Better Sex!

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Hey everyone!

Most of you here already know who I am, but if you don't, I'm Jess Wilde: Lovehoney's resident bondage (and better sex) expert!

I'm taking a leaf out of Sammi's book (aka copying her) and starting this thread for anyone who's got a direct question about bondage or better sex products, like lube, condoms etc. 

This is a place where you can post a question for me to answer in a public domain, so that all can benefit. 

If you want to see what I get up to on YouTube, << just click the link. 

Please refrain from stepping in to answer other member's questions for me if I'm not here. I know you'd be doing it with the best intentions, but getting help from several people defeats the obkect of the thread (plus you have the rest of the forum for helping each other one-on-one! 😜)

Don't forget I'm around Mon-Fri, normal office hours. Also, I can't be here all day but will do my best to pop in a couple of times a day.

If you have a pressing question, please get in touch with Customer Care for a super-speedy response any time of night or day. 

LET THE QUESTIONS COMMENCE! 

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2

Hi Jess,

Does the Coco de Mer Pearl Blossom Lubricant contain Propylene Glycol? It doesn't say in the description and the ingredients aren't listed on the Coco site.

Thanks!

3

I get asked a lot about anal hooks. May be a popular one for you to do.

4

My husband would really like to try anal. I'm nervous about it but when I am in the right mood I don't mind a finger whilst we are going at it. What steps could I take to make me more relaxed about it all. I quite like him being dominant and me doing what he tells me but with anal it makes me nervous xx

5

Hi Jess, sorry to ping a million questions at you, and even more sorry that they're about my boy bits 😂

Have just taken the plunge with the CB6000S cage. I did a LOT of reading in advance, both on old threads here, and on other sites. Seems the initial fitting poses a lot of people difficulty, and not just because of arousal.

I measured myself several times prior to choosing, I'm very much average in length 5.5 to 6" when erect and around 7cm flacid, but reasonably girthy (5.5" circumference when erect). Having said that both 6000 & 6000S are the same thickness. Length-wise when flacid I'm slightly longer than the S but would have breathing room in the regular 6000. Advice from experienced wearers said to go for the S and use the spacers to adjust comfort.

My main trouble is, even the largest U-ring is too tight when gathering both testicles and shaft together. I mean, I can, physically, but after an hour's wear I felt my blood supply in my testicles was being cut off and I had faint bruising on the top of my shaft when I removed the device.

I'm very much still keen to do this and would happily invest in the larger U-rings that CB make (hope those are ok to mention as I know LH don't currently stock them); but the other issue is this -

Using the longest locking pin, with the longest spacer, meant that the locking pin didn't protude enough past the cage to actually present the hole and fit the padlock.

I fear that where I press up against the end of the cage it 'backs me up' and makes my cock even thicker. I still fit into the cage, but I think it's maybe making the issue of the U-ring worse?

Any advice? X

6

Can the luwi insertable condom be used for anal sex?

7

Hi Jess.

Are the durex invisible condoms available in packs of three? Do prefer to buy a pack of three first to see how we would get on with them rather than buy a big box and use one and we don't get on with them and the rest go to waste.

Many thanks.
Bondage God.

8

Jess:
A lube based Q if we may.
Are your lubes available or even obtainable in sachet / sample form?

We have had issues in the past finding a suitable lube and being able to get a sample or two with an order may make selections easier rather than wasting half a bottle of something unsuitable. Yes we are aware of the LH returns but at the end of the day it's more work and hassle for all involved.

Also, we are planning a blog which shall include among other things product reviews but we wish also to post a head to head style review of various products. Lubes being one of the first but again don't really want to buy 6 or 7 bottles straight off!

Thanks in advance.

9

@NatandTom - Well spotted! I've now added the ingredients to the product description so that should update shortly.

Here is the full ingredients listing: Ingredients: Aqua, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Monopropylene Glycol BP, Citric Acid, Glyceryl Stearate SE, Phenoxyethanol, Carrageenan, Carbomer.

***

@LadyNess - Good shout! Thanks - maybe I'll do a vlog about them?

***

@Laura123 - Hi Laura. What is it about anal that makes you nervous? If I knew a little more about your particular worries, I could offer you a little more advice to help you relax 😊

I would recommend you read this guide to anal sex first, and then if you still have specific questions come back and post them here. I'll get back to you ASAP. 

***

@SexSquid - A million questions is what I'm here for! 😊

So, first things first, if you want a fairly snug fit on your shaft and are happy then the CB6000S is the way to go for fit. Do you feel that, overall, the shorter cage gives you the fit you're looking for? If you don't want such a snug fit, then the longer cage would give you a little more "wiggle room", but would still stop erections and intimate play.

When it comes to the U-ring, if the largest one in the set is feeling too tight for you (which is sounds like it is - you definitely don't want trouble with circulation or bruising), I would definitely recommend going up to the 2.25 inch one. We sell it here. The biggest one in the set is 2 inches, so this would give you an extra quarter of an inche to play with. 

I've just grabbed a CB6000S from stock and put it together using the longest pin and spacer and, the hole seems to protrude through enough for the padlock to go through. Have you put the unit together without wearing it just to make sure all your pieces work together? When you slip the locking pin through the other parts, you will need to use your thumb or finger to give the pin an extra "shove". The white back indents into the base and doesn't sit flat. (see pics below)Without giving it an extra nudge into the base the hole doesn't poke through enough. 

Can you try testing the spacer and pin again to see if that solves the problem? If that does and your happy with the cage fit, my best advice would be to pick up the largest U-ring as linked above, and give that a try. If you're still having trouble, come back to me!  

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10

paulsballs wrote:

Can the luwi insertable condom be used for anal sex?

There is a brief mention on their website which seems to suggest that they are, but I've just sent them a message to double check. I want to make sure the outer ring is large and firm enough to stop over-insertion. 

I'll get back to you with a solid answer ASAP. 

11

bondagegod wrote:

Hi Jess.

Are the durex invisible condoms available in packs of three? Do prefer to buy a pack of three first to see how we would get on with them rather than buy a big box and use one and we don't get on with them and the rest go to waste.

Many thanks.
Bondage God.

Hi Bondage God

A quick Google search turned up a lot of results for Durex Invisible 3 packs.

If you would like us to stock them, please add a link to the PANDER to me thread.

Though, looking at the reviews they do seem pretty awesome!

😊

12

luvved up cupple wrote:

Jess:
A lube based Q if we may.
Are your lubes available or even obtainable in sachet / sample form?

We have had issues in the past finding a suitable lube and being able to get a sample or two with an order may make selections easier rather than wasting half a bottle of something unsuitable. Yes we are aware of the LH returns but at the end of the day it's more work and hassle for all involved.

Also, we are planning a blog which shall include among other things product reviews but we wish also to post a head to head style review of various products. Lubes being one of the first but again don't really want to buy 6 or 7 bottles straight off!

Thanks in advance.

Hey luvved up cupple

The only saches we have left are some flavoured ones, and we don't even stock those any more so it would be pointless using them for comparison or testing 😣

What do you look for in a lube? I might be able to offer some recommendations? 

Other than that, if you don't want to use the returns option, my best advice would be to look out for offers like the 3 for £10 on flavoured lubes, or kits like this to save some cash. 

13

Thank you Jess. I might go add them to the pander me thread. Yea I did read the reviews and they do sound good.

14

Good idea about the blog. I'm planning on doing a few later in the year as I get my camcorder next month. My phones ok for tiny clips but that's it.

But blogs are the way forward.

15

Lady Ness wrote:

Good idea about the blog. I'm planning on doing a few later in the year as I get my camcorder next month. My phones ok for tiny clips but that's it.

But blogs are the way forward.

They really are. We do all ours on a webcam and I'm hoping to start a separate vlog at home about other non-sex stuff. The tricky thing is getting decent sound quality. 

16

Thanks for looking into that speedily for me Jess! Appreciated :)

17

Hello, is anal lubricant really necessary or I can use a water based lube with a glass prostate massager?

18

Userlh wrote:

Hello, is anal lubricant really necessary or I can use a water based lube with a glass prostate massager?

Hi Userlh 

Lube is definitely necessary for anal play, but it doesn't have to use an anal specific lube. 

Most people prefer an anal lube as its thicker and lasts longer than a basic water-based lube. Silicone lube is another popular option because it's also long-lasting (and waterproof!). 

Standard water-based lube tends to be thinner than anal specific ones, but if you find it works for you, that's fine. You may just find you need to reapply more lube during play, is all. 

19

Thanks, and one more question is it really necessary to have and use a douche especially if I never used any anal toys before?

20

Userlh wrote:

Thanks, and one more question is it really necessary to have and use a douche especially if I never used any anal toys before?

Not at all. I love anal play and have never used a douche in my life. 

My personal recommendation is that no one needs to douche ever, but I know a lot of people like to douche to help them psychologically (and therefore physically) relax into the moment. 

Whether you douche or not is a completely personal decision, but I can 100% tell you that it's not necessary for anyone, whether you've never played anally, or do it all the time. 

If you decide you would like to douche before anal, make sure you don't do it too often as it can put mess with your healthy (and very much needed) intestinal bacteria.