@Ian_Chimp how did I miss that?! My goodness. Thank you for correcting me. I appreciate it. Must have just scrolled past it.
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how would you generally be able to tell what other people assume though? I would find it quite odd if people in daily life commented on my sexuality - so I’ve no idea what they assume, and vice versa. Probably they don’t assume anything - because who goes through life pondering other people’s sexual preferences?
Obviously it’s different if you’ve told friends or family something and they actively ignore it.
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I’ve previously worked in a large department gathering statistics on daily life. And I have to admit I jumped past the question because it was easier than ask hundreds of people on a daily basis- I brought it up to higher command that the question itself wasn’t compulsory and is often skipped past… now rolling on 5 years it is something they have to ask, regardless of age, gender or ethnicity. the options they ask are:
Hetrosexual/straight
Gay or lesbian
Bisexual
Other
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Just way things are and how typical values are taught to us all growing up… it’s only in recent years the expand on sexual identity has become more varied and as we all know how long it’s taken for gay rights to be seen as an equality so I’d guess in a decade or two the fluidity of sexuality will be seen more normalised.
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Me and my (female) partner both crossed dressed to a party one time. A woman chatting to us at the bar for a while thought we were a straight couple but in the gender roles we were dressed in, not our biological ones. I think she was a little drunk
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That’s amazing. Haha.
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An interesting topic and a good question. Our brains will often try to make shortcuts to reduce overloading so it’s easy to understand why we see a male and female couple and assume both are straight.
We make so many assumptions in our daily lives that sexuality just becomes another.
Totally agree with others here that often I don’t tend to think about someone’s sexuality as it doesn’t really affect me. I don’t need to know someone’s sexuality to work with them or speak with them.
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Yeah I agree too, it’s very interesting 
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This is totally intriguing to me. I don’t want an argument but have never thought about it that way. My social circle is made up of (what I believe to be, or thought I did) 99% straight couples who, for what I want to believe, are in monogamous relationships . Some have kids, some don’t. If they are single and they bring a friend to a gathering, I gather they are friends and I don’t really think about their choice in sexual partners. They may be seeing other people, might be swingers, may be serial killers, but I don’t tend to overthink it cause it is none of my business and unless they murder me, it doesn’t really affect my life. I love their friendship and their children and what they do behind “closed doors” truly is their business.
Here is a scenario: If I see someone shopping and they have bananas in their cart, I gather they eat them and like them. If they have cucumbers, I gather they are making a salad. What they do with them when they get home is their business. I guess your brain doesn’t speculate where they will use the cucumber other than in the kitchen. But if they only buy cucumbers to insert into themselves for sexual reasons, I can’t fault them for that.
It may be a traditional view of produce, however, I don’t tend to see a couple (MF) who act like they are straight (perhaps because they have to in order to be accepted) and imagine they are anything else due to my pre-conceived idea of common sexuality.
As I said, you can buy bananas, cucs or an apple pie and do whatever you want to it, but I don’t fault anyone for assuming you eat those items… I guess I am narrow minded or never really gave it much thought. Unless someone tells me or act in such a way to want people to know differently, I don’t know if it’s fair to be angry with them. Amusing? Absolutely! Am I way off? I guess I never thought about it too much before @TheaD . Don’t hate me for my ignorance, but I suppose like @brufton mentioned, I don’t have alot of brain space or time for guessing games, nor does it really affect my life. Perhaps it’s wrong to assume one way or the other, but it’s a personal choice which may tend to change the way I feel about someone (right or wrong) and that’s a “me issue”. I can see why some people keep things quiet and I respect it either way!
Thanks for the interesting topic - I love this discussion. Maybe I will be more aware of my surroundings or just read into things that aren’t true and get myself in more than the usual trouble…LOL.
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When you say “people assume you are straight”, in what way?
The whole gender identity thing has only really changed (publically) in the last few years, gay/lesbian/bi has been about for years as has trans-gender, but by and large, a male and female presenting together as a couple (married or not) has historically indicated a “straight” couple.
I’ll happily admit I don’t understand why there are so many “genders”, sexual orientation / preference is certainly fluid and so long as people are happy and safe, I don’t care whether they are straight, bi, trans, whatever, but there seems to be quite a cross over between sexual orientation and gender identity with the lines quite blurred to suit certain viewpoints.
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courgettes are so much better, firmer and fatter , in the kitchen, in the bedroom, anywhere you want
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The problem for me is the assumption itself, rather than what they assume. If two people (one appearing to be male and one appearing to be female) turn up, why is anybody making an assumption at all? Even in situations where the information derived by the assumption has no bearing on what happens, why is an assumption being made?
There are all sorts of complicated reasons for this, which I won’t bore people in, but really, what people need to do is to not make assumptions at all.
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Agreed. People make all sorts pf assumptions about many things. Ive been assumed to be a friends daughter before (just because she is older than me, we both have dark hair and wear glasses). People have also assumed I’m on a date when i go for coffee with the my brother before now (very embarrassing).
Have to admit though, its something we can all be guilty of in smaller or larger ways very easily.
I bought a drink with a yellow label a while ago thinking it was lemonade. It turned out to be grapefruit. as that brand also has a yellow label for its lemonade this seems quite reasonable a resonable mistake to make. But i still assumed i knew what was in the can.
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I think because it is human nature to do so. We look for patterns in everything and like to be able to categorise things into boxes. I’m certainly not saying in this circumstance it’s the right thing to do but it is very ingrained in the human brain. In Science, you generally start off with a hypothesis (an assumption), go on to test it and find sometimes you’re right and sometimes you’re wrong but it’s how things progress and I’m afraid it’s how my mind works generally in life. Obviously I’m the one then who should be embarrassed if my assumption is wrong not the couple or group in question, generally in life it’s not an assumption that has any impact as I’m not going to act on it or say anything but I can’t stop my mind doing it.
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I wouldn’t read too much into it, most people simply don’t think about sexuality very deeply that’s all.
Man and woman together = straight
Man and Man / Woman and Woman = gay
That’s as far as most peoples understanding or interest in the subject extends. So what?
If you’re happy who cares. I have had relationships with men and women in the past, I met and married a woman 20 years ago so I guess 99% of people would pigeon hole me as straight, which I guess I’d disagree with.
I just don’t really care though, and neither should you.
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Actually, that’s a very neurotypical way of looking at things. But lots of neurodiverse types don’t work that way. In a world where things are needlessly categorised and incorrect assumptions made, it is no wonder some neurodiverse people struggle.
Actually, you can. (Not that I’m saying you should you understand). It is like any learned behaviour, and it can be changed over time, and indeed not learned in the first place as an infant. It is a totally fascinating subject if you are that way inclined, and reading about it helped me to understand the world better. xx
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Absolutely agree with what you’ve just said and I fully admit I was addressing the subject from my own experience which is neurotypical. I should have said I think it is neurotypical human nature to do so (though I had to Google neurotypical first which displays my ignorance of the subject 
).
I still feel, not in the context of this thread and relationship statuses I hasten to add, but in life in general that assessments and resulting assumptions have to be made in order to function. At work, I often can’t get hold of my boss so have to make assumptions on what needs to be done and when and use initiative rather than sitting awaiting instructions and 99% of the time (though not always!) I am correct in my assumptions.
I think because I don’t have any memory of not thinking this way I never contemplated it as a learned behaviour… though clearly that is also the case with many other learned traits we pick up from our parents too so probably a stupid statement. I don’t think I will be trying to stop my mind working the way it does but I would be keen to read up more on the subject if you have any online links to accessible papers that you’d recommend?
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I’m not sure the paper I was thinking about was accessible, as it was part of my degree thesis research, but when all this moving stuff is done, I’ll see if I can find one accessible.
One point though, and this may well be a question of framing, but I wouldn’t call you having to make a decision about what is needed at work an “assumption”. That’s using the benefit of your experience to make a decision. Different thing entirely.
Anyway, night night @Peitho. I’m off to snoozeland. This moving stuff is all exhausting.
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Many sports stars are also ‘assumed straight’.
Loved Phoenix Sun’s Langston Galloway arriving at the NBA finals in a bright pink jacket and matching (reasonably short) shorts, less than a year after making Detroit’s 20 best dressed people list
Is he or isn’t he ?
In a hetrosexual marriage, yes 
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