Hi everyone, just wanted to see if this happens to others too. I am a pansexual woman who is married to a straight man, because we present as a straight couple everyone assumes we are both straight. It doesn’t bother me or upset me but I just find it quite interesting that because we appear to be a straight couple, we must be.
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I haven’t had quite the same situation but i have had a similar 1. My best friend and i are queerplatonic so closer than you’d typically expect of friends and due to that both our families think we’re dating. We find it wuite funny especially since we haven’t actually lied, no ones actually ever asked us outright
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Depending on what you want to share… Obviously as a couple of opposite sex people will automatically think your straight as our brains are lazy and assume things straight away.
Are you disappointed at this? Looking for a 3rd? People presumptions are always there unfortunately for certain groups / people
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I suppose it’s a bit like playing more than one instrument, or speaking multiple languages. If that particular friend/acquaintance has only seen you play guitar then they may be surprised to find you’re equally as proficient with the saxophone.
Do you talk about your pansexuality a lot with your friends?
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I suppose that is the case as we see only what’s in front of us but I don’t really think about it. If I’m talking to a couple or see a couple, their sexuality isn’t something I sit pondering over as it’s really none of my business unless that’s something they want to discuss.
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I think @Kh1985 is correct. If two people appear as a couple you are not going to interrogate them to prove otherwise. I think it would be then up to you to explain differently
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Not at all. We are very happy in our sex life and like to share our likes in women. I just find it really interesting how people do automatically go that way.
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That’s very true. My friends all know about it.
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Yeah I get what you’re saying. It just interests me that people just see what they see.
Hi @TheaD 
It’s the standard experience of all bi/pan people, and one of the consequences of living in a traditionally heteronormative society: part of that phenomenon known as bi/pan invisibility.
In terms of visibility, we bi/pan folks are rather like those esoteric particles that quantum physicists spend so much time trying to detect. By ourselves (unless we choose to walk around wearing a specific Pride badge every day) we’re not detectable as what we are. We only become detectable/visible by our interaction with another particle, but even then we don’t get recognised as what we are: we get seen as one of two defaults, neither of which is correct!
Examples:
Bi/pan woman with bi/pan woman = assumed to be lesbians
Bi/pan woman with bi/pan man = assumed to be straight
I won’t list all the other permutations, cos it would be a long list and I’m sure you can work 'em out for yourself! 
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Or talking about it? I have never seen you with any partners, but I still know you’re bisexual.
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I guess I’m just new to the experience of it as I’ve not long just come out. Thank you for that reply though.
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I just like that you are so open minded and getting on with who/how you are. You are the one that important. Hopefully you will surround yourself with others with the same mind set as well. Well done. @TheaD
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I would accept everyone and anyone for their sexual preferences, orientation or gender. I am a very open person to people from all walks of life. Being disabled I get judged a lot so would never want to do that to someone else.
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Yes: because this is a forum about sex and relationships, everyone on here talks about their tastes, orientations and identities quite a bit, and some of us put that info in our viewable profile. The facts of how I identify are unlikely to go un-noticed or be forgotten here, because I’ve taken the necessary steps to make them visible - hence my deliberate choice of the bi Pride flag as my profile pic. This equates to the bit where I said “(unless we choose to walk around wearing a specific Pride badge every day)” - on this forum I do.
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I was thinking less about the flag and the sexuality profile status, and more about the anecdotes you share and the points of view you put across. I’m pretty sure these can be done in real life too.
But if anyone wants to keep those private then that’s their perogative too. 
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Yes, I get you, Ian - but that’s the nub of it, really. You and I have read dozens of each other’s posts: basically, within the limited remit of this forum, we know each other as individuals, so naturally we know stuff about each other.
The “bi/pan invisibility” phenomenon (which occurs in both straight and queer peer groups) is that thing whereby people’s default, on-the-fly assumptions about the sexuality of a person they don’t know tend to gravitate towards the two simple poles of “straight” or “gay”. Now, you might say “Well of course they do! People aren’t psychic - how can they assume otherwise? In the absence of badges or t-shirts, you can’t tell by looking!”
…but that’s the point. YOU CAN’T TELL, so why assume in the first place? If you see someone wearing a Liverpool FC t-shirt, then fair enough: you can take it they support Liverpool. If they’re not wearing any team’s t-shirt, you don’t automatically assume they support Everton, do you? Hell, for all you know they might be a Tranmere Rovers fan …or they might not even like football (and yes, some would say this is the same thing as being a Tranmere Rovers fan 
). It’s not a perfect analogy, but you get my gist.
This “defaulting to straight or gay” thing is so ingrained that it even happens with people who DO know - or darn well should. It happened to me (I’ve mentioned this one before). Because I was with the same female partner for a long time, I found that even old friends who knew me from years before and had known I dated guys, would have to be reminded that I wasn’t straight. 
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I don’t know. I think I’m with @Kh1985 on this. I don’t tend to think one or the other unless it crops up in conversation/becomes relevant somehow.
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Just an FYI @TheaD, your twitter is disappearing from your profile as it’s against the forum rules.
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Oops I must have missed that rule. I’ll go sort it out. Thanks. I thought I read through properly. My mistake.
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