Hi folks, a bit of a long winded post here so sorry in advance.
My wife and I have been married 27 years now and on the whole it's been a reasonably decent marriage. We do love each other to bits but our sex life has gotten very stale.
Over the years we've gone to swingers clubs, (other guys were involved but I was never interested in other women), we have done the 3some thing with another woman involved which I found harsh I have to admit. The idea and fantasy was great but the reality of having to make it with two women gave me all sorts of issues and dilemma’s so we left that one alone.
We had toys which we used and she seemed to enjoy, she even picked out the ones she wanted and for a while she worked as a rep for a certain adult product company so had plenty of free samples.
We used to go out in the car to find secluded places and if we couldn’t we did “simulated dogging” with me standing outside of the car while she sat in it and gave me a BJ.
She used to swallow, often demanding her “drink” which I was only too ready to provide.
But over the past year things have gone into a deep decline.
We never go out to find interesting places to be together, she never dresses up and when I ask her to she say’s “I dressed up the other week” which in reality was months ago.
Now we’re in this rut of dedicated missionary position with me on top or when I’m getting a bj she’s always at the same side of me at the same angle performing the same actions and now she spits.
I have tried talking to her about this but I always get the same answer, “We’ve done that, I’ve done that ….. We did it only the other week ….. But it’s better that way”
The thing is I’m starting to understand why blokes stray, it’s because of the lack of variety and the sheer lack of enthusiasm involved. I do constantly feel like when we make love or giving me a bj it’s almost as though she’s doing me a favour rather than doing it because she wants to.
As a result it’s really putting me off, I find it’s rare I can cum when I’m inside of her and have to be finished by hand or mouth and then it’s more of a perfunctionary act rather than something we’re both involved in rather than her doing me a favour.
I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want to start looking elsewhere but I can’t deal with things as they are for much longer. I don’t expect it all to be fireworks and athletic sexual positions, but I’m struggling with what is going on.
I just don’t understand how when once things were so active and healthy they’ve gone downhill as they have now. I do love my wife to bits but the suggestion of dressing up is dismissed, the suggestion of a different position is dismissed, the suggestion of getting out the toys is dismissed. All she want’s is me to go down on her, then me on top and finishing with a bj.
I’m really clueless on how to re-introduce the spark again as everything I suggest gets shot down. I’m assuming, (possibly wrongly), I’m at least OK in bed otherwise she’d make excuses to get out of doing anything at all. But then again perhaps it is me that’s the problem? I’m willing to accept the possibility but then in my defence how can I be any good if it’s always the same acts and the same positions?
Just to add, we’re both almost 50 and some nights we leave things because we’re both tired which is fair enough. I’m not demanding we do anything every single night but it would be nice if on the nights we do do something it was more than it is now.
Any hints, tips, help or suggestions would be appreciated on this as I’m at a total loss on what to do next.
Thanks for reading.