Hey all - my OH and I like to play and try things. It may work for others (I’m a big supporter of to each their own!) but neither of us is into pain, too restrictive restraints, spanking or other practices commonly associated with BDSM. We do enjoy light tying up and blindfolds sometimes. We’ve slapped each others asses during activities but when I think of dominant it’s which of us is more taking the lead at any given time. We both enjoy anal play but more sensual… if that makes sense. I don’t consider ourselves vanilla…we both like to experiment and like outdoor stuff, blur some gender lines, various toys, heck, she even has a voyeur streak I’ve recently learned about! Guess I’m just curious…do you think we just brush the edges of bdsm or just enjoy playing and being slightly kinky sometimes? Not trying to put us in a box, trying to figure out how to describe it, especially when I read some of the interesting topics posted on here and to reply. Thanks!
Hello there, I would probably say more kinky than BDSM just because you both don’t enjoy the pain side of things etc as you described. BDSM is not all about pain though, so many layers too it, but a big part of it I believe is the pain/pleasure element and the bondage and the power play that goes with it.
I would say you are adventurous and open and kinky and I love that. That is how I usually describe. My reltionship as adventurous but we are all about the BDSM side of things, but I find often as soon as you say that certain people judge you right off the bat.
As long as you both are having a blast enjoy it!
A lot of people use a lot of words very interchangeably so I wouldn’t dwell too much on it as your definition will be different to someone else’s.
Technically the definition of BDSM is Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and submission, and Sadomasochism. Whereas kinky is defined as being into types of sex that aren’t considered the norm or traditional.
So being into BDSM makes you kinky, but being kinky doesn’t necessarily mean you are into BDSM.
I’d probably say you were kinky though.
Hey @Atex2duo You’ve beautifully described exactly our relationship. I’ve no idea how to categorize it but you’ve made me feel normal again. Thank you…
Hi @funny_bone and you’re very welcome! I’ve struggled with how to describe ours for forever so just tried to describe as best and succinctly I could. We’re not alone!!!lol
I would say kink also. What you have described is about the same for me and my OH.
We have experimented with spanking but it wasn’t right for us. I have used ice, warm water and skooshy cream for some sensation play whilst tied up and blind fold.
I would love to try more as I am adventurous but It has to be equal for both.
Perfectly put Calie.
BDSM people are by definition kinky, but not all kinky people are BDSM.
BDSM is a spectrum as well, there are many practices within it that appeal to different people. My wife and I enjoy some bondage, blindfolds and gags being firm favorites and also modest strictness restraints, we also both enjoy being a bit dom / sub now and then. Neither of us are into anything too ‘hard’ such as the humiliating / degrading stuff and neither of us are into the pain side of things so I guess in many real BDSM practitioners books we’re fairly vanilla.
I think that we (like you) brush the edges of BDSM. We are also into a few other bits (wife really likes a bit of cosplay and some anal) so I’d say that by most peoples standards we’re kinky outside of our BDSM too.
Definitely kinky, and I say we ‘dabble’ with BDSM as not majorly into pain, but we do like some, and haven’t gone into full master and slave mode…yet…