Any tips on how to deal with bed death? Not that I’ve not tried to help the issue, I have tried bullets (that’s the only toy she is open to using). Got massage sets and all sorts of oils to try and set the mood. More recently there seems to be many different excuses or reasons.
From what I’ve read it is more common with lesbians to experience bed death and to become more like friends.
I’m not sure what else to try or do. I’ve spoken to her and explained how it’s made me feel for almost 2 years and there’s been no change.
I haven’t been in a same sex relationship, but I wonder if some considerations might still apply? Long term relationships can wax and wane sexually - the main thing is to keep talking, and to keep up those little expressions of intimacy and thoughtfulness.
You don’t say how long you have been together. If it has been like this from the start then that raises questions about compatibility and why you are together - is there something else you both enjoy about each other’s company?
If it is more recent (you mention 2 years) is there anything else happening in your life or in hers which might be stressful? That can put sex on the back burner for a while.
I guess the usual advice applies - don’t pressure each other, keep intimacy going in non sexual ways, keep talking and doing things you enjoy.
If you think it is just about sex, maybe a frank and open conversation between you about what each of you likes?
Welcome to Lovehoney - I’m sure others will be along with more experienced advice…
We’ve been together 4years and recently married. We try to keep an open and honest dialogue between us. However when I mention a lack of sexual intimacy she then takes that as she’s not a good partner. A lot of the time it’s the usual excuses of being tired or has a headache or is worried our child will wake up. When it actually seems that she has no disire or interest in sex.
There can be lots of reasons for libido to drop off or disappear. Sometimes it can be unrelated to the relationship and could be stress, tiredness etc. Children can certainly impact too, from experience it can be hard to get horny at the ‘right’ time, often evenings/, nights are best after children are asleep but by then I’m utterly exhausted too. Add to that my husband and I don’t always sync up and it can lead to frustrations!
Is it possible for you to both set aside some time for a date night where you can talk without worry of being interrupted and you could have an open conversation in a relaxed atmosphere? It might be a way to talk about things in general, and see if there’s anything wider that is stressing her?
My only other thought would be that I’ve suffered drop off in my libido, and i found that the less i had sex, the less I wanted it. Could this be the case?
I don’t know if any of that helps, but good luck. I hope you both find a way through.
Yikes I’d say that don’t leave much ground for you to experiment with her then and the best outcome is if she someday gets a sexual reawakening to be more active again, but that don’t really help you and your needs in the meantime sadly…
My wife’s only interested every two or three weeks but is happy for me to use toys so I’m now pretty much focused on enjoying those by myself. She just doesn’t feel the urge most of the time so it’s possibly a lack of hormones or energy.
