Beginner with question about clitoris in missionary

Sex Tips & Talk
23

This! :point_up_2:

In everyday use, the area most people refer to as the clitoris, is the tip of the upper part of the clitoris. It‘s the bit that‘s most accessible and the most sensitive.

For my wife, it can be stimulated directly, which can be a bit much, or indirectly by moving the clitoral hood, that is playing with the area next to it. But as @physicist points out, there is more to the clitoris than this tip.
In my wife’s case, when my penis enters to around 2 to 4“ this seems to tug on this clitoris/tip internally, and also stimulates the legs of the clitoris. When combined with keeping my pubic bone against hers, she can easily get to clitoral orgasms just through penetration. Penetration alone without this contact has a much lower chance of success. The g-Spot and blended orgasms take way longer, are not as reliable, and are a second time round thing typically (if she has the energy).

The key for her first go is often to keep penetration quite shallow and keep constant contact between pubic areas. Lots of deep or all in-all out thrusting like you see in porn is not going to do much for her, and loses this all important contact.

Like others have said, using your fingers or a toy on the (outer) clitoris during penetration is another popular route to orgasm success for her.

My advice is to build anticipation before actual penetration. This is down to what turns her on. Perhaps start by making plenty of time for making out, holding your bodies close, fooling around, and being handsy with her back and shoulders, and hips while kissing. Eye gazing and hand holding are turn ons for many people. And then move to spending plenty of time with more intimate touch and or kissing; buttocks, boobs, thighs.
Take your time. Take note of what gets a good response and don‘t rush it. If she‘s fully aroused before you get down to full penetrative sex , there‘s a much better chance of an orgasm, or at least a better time of it.

And most importantly: don‘t beat yourself up if things don’t work out first time. Shame is so, so unhelpful. Learning from missteps is ok. It‘s human to not get everything right!
Just keep communicating.
Let her know if you enjoyed being with her and would love to try again (and again, and again) if she also wants to.

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24

I have clitoral and vaginal orgasms when having sex in the missionary position. My husband (just under 6” when fully erect) lifts my legs really high and I tilt my pelvis forward. As he’s thrusting I can feel my orgasm building in my clit due to him putting pressure on my g spot and against the front wall of my vagina. My vaginal orgasm comes from him easing the head of his penis just in and out of me very gently - that really turns me on .I also often play with my clit or use a suction device if I want a quick orgasm to set myself up for a longer session, but not always. Sometimes he uses a vibrating cock ring with a clitoral stimulator as well. He loves it when I orgasm when he’s inside me as he loves how tight and wet I get.

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25

thank you!! can you explain more clearly what you mean “my pubic bone against hers”? So you mean. Does that refer to that bone area just about where the head of the penis is , but lower (so a bit lower than the bellty button?). I’m confused on that

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26

If you don’t know where your pubic bone is you should google it and look at images in the search results. A visual will help you understand it.

27

Sure, @RedRover3100. I‘m sorry that description didn‘t land.

I mean the Mons Pubis/ Pubic mound/ Mount of Venus

It‘s an area covering the front of the pelvic bones just above the genitals. About 3“ up at a rough measurement.

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28

It‘s about a third of the way up from the penis to the belly button. In my wifes‘s case a little pressure here can help increase the pleasure for PIV, oral, using toys etc.

The effect is described really beautifully by @Blonde_Bunny, the clear winner of 2021‘s
Oral Sex Superbowl

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29

The pubic bone is the bone that connects the two halves of your pelvis together.
Put your hand between your belly button and the base of your penis and press. You should be able to feel where the bone is. You want to grind that bit against her clitoris during sex.

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30

ok thank you… just to clarify, there’s like a pointy part of my hip from the left side, and if i tocuh that bone and go directly to the center from there… that’s the pubic bone? Aka: it’s right below where the lower abs are?

it feels kinda squishy and not necessarily like a “bone” so that’s where my confusion in

31

same question for clarity to physicist: "ok thank you… just to clarify, there’s like a pointy part of my hip from the left side, and if i tocuh that bone and go directly to the center from there… that’s the pubic bone? Aka: it’s right below where the lower abs are?

it feels kinda squishy and not necessarily like a “bone” so that’s where my confusion in "

32

@RedRover3100 if you are less endowed then average (which is 100% ok) what you could also do if you wanted longer sex sessions with your partner is to introduce a dildo into your sex sessions and you could swap between having your partner using the dildo (with you holding or her holding as you also use a vibrator on her clit) to having sex while still using the vibrator!

We started doing that a few years ago and it’s really added another amazing dimension to our sex sessions! But just make sure that she decides which dildo she wants, that can’t be a you decision haha as she’ll have a personal preference depending on material, size and design!

33

I think we‘ve confused you with talking at crossed purposes! :rofl:

The area I’m talking about is the area below the lower abs, as you say. The bony part of the pelvis is dead centre just above the penis, and has way more cushioning than the collarbone or hip bones. This area is the pubic mound. So the pressure that will likely be very desirable for your partner during sex in missionary, is spread over this squidgy cushioned area.

So what my advice is to just keep your pubic mound pressed against hers while you‘re thrusting

I guess you might wonder how you can keep your pubic area in constant contact with hers while you thrust. The simple answer (in the missionary example) is to create thrusting movement more by rocking your pelvis rather than lifting your body/butt up and down to push in and out.

They don‘t do this in porn, mainly because the camera can‘t explicitly see what‘s happening. Male porn actors on average have a longer penis to allow a better view of the genitals. Mainstream porn sex often has nothing to do with female sexual gratification. It’s all too often about performance for the camera, and female performers are often well paid for their endurance, and pretending to have a really good time!

In real world sex, in my experience, the thrusting feels better for women when it‘s shallower, and in combination with constant contact on the pubic mound. :+1:

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34

Yes, I think we’ve used slightly different words to describe much the same thing.
The main point is that, for most women, vaginal penetration alone is insufficient to produce orgasm. Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. This could be achieved with fingers, mouth or toys to allow orgasm before penetration, or the use of fingers or toys during penetration.
In some positions like missionary or cowgirl, the man’s body can be rubbed or pressed against the clitoris to stimulate it during penetration.
There is no one right way to do this, you need to experiment and find what works for you. Don’t focus on replicating exactly what someone else has told you to do, instead communicate with the woman you’re having sex with and let her tell you what feels good to her.

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35

oh ok!! wait now i feel it, it’s sorta hard. I think I fonud it!! It to me feels LITERALLY right above the penis.

ok… so with thrusting it’s mainly going UP and (basically) staying inside her the entire time?? Might be TMI but I’m about 4" so obviously looking for things that don’t go in and out from what I’ve read.

36

ok, since now that I (think) I’ve found the pelvic bone (feels like it’s literally right under my penis)… the woman’s pelvic bone is virtaulyl SUPER close to her clitoris then too? like maybe 2-3 inches at most above it?

37

My suggestion would be to lie on your back and have her ride you. That allows for her to adjust rhythm, lean, and position as it feels best for her. Second suggestion would be to have your legs on the outside of hers in standard missionary position so you are penetrating from a top down position.

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38

ok for the missionary position, you mean like this with the legs??

39

Assuming male on top, have male legs on the outside and female legs together.

40

This​:point_up_2:
And really don‘t overthink it. Half the fun is learning from the mistakes and being able to laugh about it together later.

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41

thank you!! yes i am a little apprehensive since she is more expereinced than me (and she thinks I am experiened with sex and penetration too) but we will see what happens

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42

the pelvic responses have been realy helpful and she’s been most rseponsibe to it so far in foreplay! thank you all!