Hi over the last 6 months or so the wife has found a new kink to wear she licks to be choked but some positions like missionary makes me feel like i am bearing to much weight on her and its uncomfortable for me any positions you recommend for this to be a lieghter situation for both. She seems to like it when it feels relly tight around her neck .we do like the occasional light bondage session so open to anything down that route .thanks
What concerns me with what you said is
There should only be pressure at the sides, and not around her throat as this could damage her windpipe and hurt her. There are a few threads on choking/breath play. But please do your own research.
In terms of position, I like missionary where he’s leaning on his elbow so thats where his weight is. Or standing, this is probably my favourite as its when he’s feeling more dom and he’s sexy when he’s savage
Cannot see why anyone does this - just too risky
All I say is be careful
I think if you’re going to do it its best to be able to see her face so you know if it’s too much or anything else is not right
Reaching around in doggy will give her that restriction it sounds like she wants but to echo what @JoCat says you don’t want to be accidentally blocking air, if breath play is a path you want to go down you need to practice this outside of a session to get a feel for it and be very safe. Apply pressure to your own throat and see.
My OH does very light, light choking, in missionary and doggie but also to set the tone beforehand. For me, most of the time it’s more the headspace and dynamic is creates that I like rather than the sensation of restricting blood flow, we established this early on.
If classic missionary is proving difficult you could try ones with her on the edge of the bed/table and you standing. You have more control over your centre of gravity that way.
You could do some drills, practise positions fully clothed. Keep the communication clear and open.
If she does want more restriction then establish for how long. Stay safe
Yes its only ever applied to the sides not the front of neck sorry just the way i worded the sentence. Thanks
Yes its definitely more of a sensation shes craving rather than the lack of air and restricting anything. Thanks for recommendations
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Hello @Jackkkkk, it’s good that you’re recognising that you may be bearing too much weight on your wife and have worries about what you’re doing. That means you’re always thinking of her safety which is an excellent starting point.
I’d echo the advice of @JoCat, @MissTery and @mrssaffa. When it comes to situations like this, communication is everything. It’s easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment so talk about things before, during and after. Check in on each other while things are happening - questioning eyes, reassuring nods, smiles and kisses can convey a lot.
I, too, like the sensations you describe your wife likes and it’s very much the suggestion of being ‘choked’ rather than it actually happening. One of our favourites is when I’m on my tummy and he lays on top of me and hooks his arm around my neck from behind. There’s no actual squeezing, and the crook of his elbow leaves a significant gap at the front and I can lift my head back if I wanted to, but it feels pleasurably restrictive.
Something we do when we can’t see each other’s faces, or if I can’t speak, is tapping: I’ll tap him a few times if I’m feeling overwhelmed and everything stops. He’ll check I’m OK, I either am and we’ll shift positions slightly before continuing or, other times, I may need a minute or two and we’ll hug for a bit. But, again, it’s that constant communication. I find it’s also helpful when a relationship develops into the fluidity of consensual experimentation when you’ve got to a point of mutual trust where things just kind of happen and taps can be, “oh, too much/not yet/hell no!” but it can take time and experience to get to that point.
Another thing I’d suggest is a debrief afterwards. Ask open questions: what did you think when I…? Was it too much when I…? How did it feel when I…? Etc. Always talk about things. Even when you think things went OK. Always ask.
I think the people commenting negatively are seeing things from a very closed-minded point of view. If you’re consenting adults caring for each other’s safety and happiness then you’re doing everything right and are are not doing anything wrong.
There will always be people here to help you if you ask.
Probably a good time to remind people of the forum rules. Its ok to not be into it, it’s not ok to kink shame.
Forum Etiquette & Behaviour
The Lovehoney Forum is a friendly, welcoming place where people can feel comfortable and confident. Debate and discussion are encouraged! Personal attacks are not. Similarly we do not allow inflammatory behaviour (“trolling”), kink shaming, or cyberbullying. Attacking other forum members or their lifestyles is not permitted.
Each to their own I suppose but I can’t for the life of me why anybody would want to either choke somebody else or get any sort of sexual pleasure from being choked, light or otherwise.
edited by mod
I guess if you’ve spent your first 15 years regularly witnessing your violent father ‘choke’ your mum until she’s unconscious you’re bound to have a different view on this subject so rather than apologise if I offended anyone, I’ll simply block notifications for this particular post.
Do I need to edit the end of my post? After the negativity from others I was trying to reassure the OP.
Personally, i don’t think you need to edit your post @SunriseSweetie . It reads well and it’s clear to me that you’re reassuring the OP.
I’m not into choking but do enjoy my OH putting his hands on my neck when we’re having sex. It’s a psychological, submissive thing I think, he’s never put any pressure on my neck, it’s always very gentle.
A lot of negativity and judgement on this one which I am frankly surprised and a little disappointed at folks.
I don’t get it either, it doesn’t light my fire but it obviously does for some people. As long as it’s consensual and done safely then it’s a perfectly valid kink, just as valid as anyone else’s!
Jackkkk is clearly concerned that he wants to get it right and do it safely and is seeking advice to that end, so for some people to come along and term it abuse, or ‘strange and worrying’ is in my mind not on at all.
All it does is to discourage people from seeking advice for fear of being shamed and labelled. Choking gets it in the neck today (pun intended), but what tomorrow? Spanking? Breath play? Perhaps something you like get labelled dangerous and you’re shamed for it, how would you like it?
You know who you are. You need to apologise and either provide Jackkk some constructive dialogue and answers, or just scroll on by.
When we get this sort of thing, that’s what causes this little community to break down as people will start to feel they cannot be open.
No, not at all. I read it as reassurance.
So I love being choked by partners and will always discuss tapping out so that there is an obvious way to tell them to stop.
I’ve found it best when I’m being eaten out they can reach up and apply the pressure. Or like others have said, in doggy as they can pull my hair, choke me etc.
I’ve had the most intense orgasms while being choked. But yes, safety first! So knowing your partners limits before hand are very important