So three months ago I had major surgery and unfortunately ended up with a stoma. Since then even though I’ve not physically been the same my want for sex has come back stronger than before. The issues are I don’t know what lingerie will best cover the massive scars I now have and the bag I also now have on my stomach. My old style no longer works. But also my partner no longer wants to have sex as much and also keeps sticking to the same four positions. While I really appreciate he doesn’t want to hurt me I’m definitely not feeling fulfilled and since he won’t do new positions or the old ones that really worked for me. By time he finishes I’m no where near being at the point of cumming. So does anyone have suggestions for ways to help this and suggestions of positions to get deeper without over straining my abdomen. I want my old sex life back and to actually cum again.
It’s going to be a lot of trial and error for you both and I hope Hubby really comes around to knowing that with time, patience and communication things can change.
If you don’t follow or have not heard of Hannah Witton you might find what she has gone through to be quite interesting
https://youtube.com/@hannahwitton?si=fXbnLYW9z-Fs5iLH
For the rest of it we can help out over time even if it’s just to listen and give a 
Also welcome to the forum.
Hi Roxy, I hope the surgery went well and you are coping well with the stoma. . I don’t have much advice other than communicating with your partner. Explain you want more and to try different things. he may be holding back, thinking you don;t want it. Good luck.
Hey @Roxy92 ,
Welcome to the forum. So it sounds like you’ve had a pretty bad time of it. I can’t offer any advice about lingerie although, as we’ve discussed in another post .. avoid thongs for a while.
But with regards your partner. Obviously you’re the one who’s had to face the physical and mental challenges of your stoma, but it’ll of had a big impact on him too. Putting myself in his shoes, I imagine there’s been a lot of fear, an overwhelming need to protect and probably some guilt. And I suspect the need to protect and the guilt are messing with him.
Men can be right f_ck ups and I should know. Its not the same but my OH was very ill after our first child and it took me a long time to get my head in the right place (ie not be a complete d_ck). I felt all those same things. The need to protect was alleviated by her getting into a cow girl position and absolutely going for it. I knew nothing I would normally do would hurt her. But the guilt .. some of that’s still around today.
Not being there and being unable to practically help at the time was a big one. I felt like I’d let her down. And then there was the inescapable truth that the changes to her body DID affect the way I felt. I didn’t want it to admit that to myself or especially her, and I had no real control over it but her body was quite obviously different to the one I’d fallen in love with ( I didn’t just fall in love with her body but .. you know .. ). That took time, a lot of self reflection and then honest, ugly crying conversations were we realised we both felt the same and it was something we could work out together.
So give him space and time, but keep talking. Keep telling him what you want and what you need. And make sure he knows that what he feels is OK. Its normal and you can both navigate your way through it together. Some things have a changed but you still can and want to do most of the things you did before. You’re not going to break. You might well burst if he’s not careful 
but then you both need to navigate the unplanned for addition.
Maybe tell him that the op has made you realise how quickly things can be taken away and so you’ve a new found need to explore and make the most of your body while you can. That you realise now that there is no normal or conventional. That you want to try all the forbidden things. all the things nice people aren’t supposed to do, because the rules are all rubbish.
Cover the scars up if it makes you feel more secure. I get that. but the sooner you can uncover them the happier you’ll both be.
Hope I haven’t offended you by being too familiar or presumptuous. My head and mouth can run away with me.
Best of luck.
And maybe avoid the cheese wire thongs for a while.
edit: and as for getting deeper .. doggy with support can be a good one for controlled depth and having a good pound.
My favourite atm is missionary but with her on the edge of the bed and me standing, holding her legs up. You can get balls deep then and it looks great. The forum did come up with a name for that but I can’t remember right now.
Cowgirl or similar .. you take control, show him exactly what you’re still capable of and exactly what you want and need.
Or really, any of the positions you used to really enjoy. Tell him thats what you want.. Bring out your secret Dom.
Welcome to the forum!
With looking for things to wear, perhaps go with what you feel comfortable in but also see it as a way to embrace your scars too 
no need to worry about covering them up as they are a testament to your strength and bravery of what you’ve come through.
Lovehoney does have some nice selections of lingerie in a mixture of fabrics so if desire something softer to the skin what don’t irritate, they’ll probably have a few nice options.
Aww poor you it sounds like you have been through the mill. That sounds painful 
I haven’t been through what you have experienced yourself exactly, so I’m a bit unsure what to say as I don’t want to suggest something that would hurt you 
However, I have been through, and I’m still going through really bad endometriosis, I’ve had five abdominal surgeries, one major and another one on the way so my belly looks like a treasure map, it’s got that many scars, including one nice big train track! And once the abdominal muscle has been cut through It gets a nice sag 
.
But most people have some battles scars of some kind of another, if it isn’t health problems, it’s having kids so it’s best just to accept what your body has been through and appreciate it for what it is.
As regards lingerie, I think the best thing is to accentuate your best points and hide the weak points! Like if you have a nice boobs or butt or legs there are lots of items to showcase that.
Also baby doll nightys can look really hot. How hot is this!? And it hides the tum!
As regards your partner, I think it’s just best to keep communicating that you’re on the mend and ready to have sexy time again. As otherwise he might be afraid that is hurting you? X