Big Change Coming?

Hi all, would love some firsthand and other input. Since the start my wife and I have appreciated each other’s differences, especially when it comes to sex. Like my personality, my sex life was guarded, conservative, and pretty quiet prior to meeting her. She on the other hand was and is the opposite and she had no issue being up front about it. She made it pretty clear early on that she was very promiscuous and looking to settle down. Not only did it not scare me off, it actually added to her sex appeal. She introduced me to watching porn together which I’d never done with anyone else.

As time has passed we’ve played out countless kinks we knew and didn’t know we had, or at least I didn’t know I had. Out of that we’ve both developed one in particular. That is, watching her have sex with other men while I watch (I won’t say the word associated with it as I just don’t care for it). Specifically for her, well endowed men and groups of guys, both of which she’s elaborated on from her past.

The discussion has evolved into some action as we’ve been slow and cautious. That involved her creating a profile on a dating site and communicating with a couple guys. She’s been up front about what she/we are looking for and it’s moved from me sitting by while they talk and text, to provocative pictures, to lately doing face time where my wife and the men will masturbate together.

I’m not apprehensive but thoughts of how this changes things, should we follow through, does come to mind frequently. She’s been ready but has been respectful of the process and my side and has not pressed the issue. I’d love to know thoughts of those who have experience with this or similar lifestyles and those who just have their two cents to contribute.

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I think of its something you are both on board with then great. Its good youve been taking it slow so you have time to see how you feel about it. I think communication is key for this to work and on your part you need to ne honest snd upfront how you feel about it and what boundaries would be in place to make sure no lines are crossed

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Not my cup of tea, but to each their own. If it was me I’d be on the phone to a divorce lawyer at the mere mention of it :laughing:

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I love that you’ve taken the time building up to this, exploring the concept in stages with the dating site, texting, etc. Such a healthy approach! This is a very popular kink for many couples, I don’t think it has to change anything unless you want it to. As long as you’re feeling comfortable, respected and loved, go for it!

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Go with what you feel, not my cup of tea, but hey ho, if it appeals go for it, if you have reservations, work them out…

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This is actually a thought I’ve had for a while and have recently voiced it to the OH! It hasn’t been a something that was shut down or laughed off as something that was just stupid! I’m curious as to how to go about it and get things moving into that side if our relationship! I’ve thought about starting a twitter account on the dark side to see how I feel about the flirting and pic swapping etc but haven’t taken that step as of yet :man_shrugging:t3: Not sure if we should just leave it as a fantasy or peruse it a little more!

This makes me think that you’re not ready for the next step and that you need to talk it through again with your partner.

Talk through all possibilities and how you would both feel after playing them out. If you’re questioning whether you should follow through then you shouldn’t. Not yet anyway.


It’s not for me, I wouldn’t be happy with my Mrs with someone else and I know wouldn’t be happy with me with some else so it’s never come to a thought let alone a consideration , but if that’s what you have decided then be safe and careful!!

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Hi, If it is something that you are both comfortable with and you have discussed all possibilities/ consequences and are still happy with things then I see nothing wrong.
Just make sure everyone respects and understands each other.

Firstly have to say not something I have any experience in at all, simply not one of my kinks, I’d be too possessive, jealous, then give myself a real hard time in terms of ‘I’m not enough’ and all that jazz. That of course is just me, and we’re all entirely different.

I think this is really nice to read, that you’re both aware of how each other are feeling and taking things slowly.

This particular bit makes it sound like the next step would be things going to that final level. Is it worth considering something like a public social meet with your lady and a guy, and you being in the same venue?
There could be flirting and kissing, or whatever you both find agreeable on limits, and that it is purely a social - so all involved are aware it will not go further on that night.
I’m thinking it may help bridge that gap from the safety of the digital/fantasy world and give that bigger sense of reality of how it would feel to see your wife connecting with someone else. There can always be something in place if it doesn’t feel right for either so you can abort easily.


I think this kinda thing all depends down to you and your wife as a couple with how you progress through and evolve it as many couples who try this out will all be different in how they’re comfortable.

All I’d say is if you go through with the sex side its best to have a mutual ground and no regrets or worried thoughts.

Thanks for all the thoughts. Yes we’ve taken it slow. So slow its been years and years of role playing and a long time of serious discussions as well. We spoke last night about it as we had another three way face time session. Initially the desire to watch it, for me at least would come and go. It’s been a solid couple years now that at any time I’d be more than happy to have it happen. Last night reached a whole new level of openness and comfort. It’s hard to explain and some is a tad embarrassing outside of the 3 of us but I’ll just leave it at that. The sex afterwards was extremely passionate and as usual our banter focused on her being with other men. I don’t anticipate any horrid backlash I just want to make sure there’s nothing I’m missing because it’s obviously a change and getting outside anonymous input is a good thing. As for the person who inquired about taking the same path and how to get it going. I’m no expert obviously but our situation has been years in the making. If I told you we’ve role played it a 100 times and talked seriously about it another 100 I’d be low balling. Forwardbess and patience is the only things that’s gotten us this far. It really all depends on who you are too. I’m not the jealous type and know there’d be no chance if I was. That combined with lots of time to think has led me to know, even though there is the unknown, that it’s not impulse but something I would like to have in my life. The other end is my perception of her and knowing who she is. She awkwardly forward at times and I know just about everything. Everything from a woman who’s been faithful and that I love. On the same token if I didn’t know her past or if it were limited I’d be more cautious. Not to say it wouldn’t work but knowing my wife has had dozens of one night stands and frequent sex with multiple guys at once before we met helps me feel she’s not going to go nuts on me. Just talk and take everything into the equation. I have no clue on advice for when it happens but slow is the way to go prior.

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Sounds like you two are great at talking things through which isn’t a common thing imo these days! My OH and I have been together …… let’s say around the 30 year mark now and have allways been very open and spoke about everything! Neither of us are jealous at all and the trust is second to none :grin: maybe it’s just our age that we are being more adventurous now :man_shrugging:t3: I wish you all the best however you two go forward with things

Super interesting read from someone who’s wife barely wants to have sex with them at all!! :laughing:

It appears that the relationship is evolving. We often hear from people who even ending a sex session without cumming on either side can cause jealousy or a lack of closure to a session.

I’m wondering if her having men each time and you being on the sidelines bothers her. Does it bother you? I know my fantasy would be to see Mrs. Val with another woman. Does she want you to be open as well? If there were a role reversal, would she be jealous or upset to watch you with another woman (or two)? Would she get involved? Would she want to?

It would be an interesting experiment to see how it would go if the shoe were on the other foot. All the best with this as the line that is walked seems fine and dangerous. However, if it works for both of you, that is great. I think trust and jealousy can be destructive yet very natural.

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Sorry to hear that. I hope that changes around for you. As for it bothering us in any way no. If anything she’s constantly trying to ensure it won’t bother me. Her only apprehension is concern that I might change my mind and it will adversely affect us. I’ve assured her I don’t see that happening. If anything our sex life has been more driven long and short term when I watch her face time and masturbate with the couple guys she’s made connections with.

As for myself I’d like see her get pleasured physically more often. It’s rare I alone can make her climax even when she’s stimulating her clit with a vibrator. Most if not close to all of her orgasms come from additional dildo play as size is the difference maker for her. It’s quite the treat watching her orgasm multiple times when it comes to using those. Love to do it myself but it just doesn’t happen even though she says it feels good. And no I have no real desire to venture off with another woman. She’s asked me and is willing but she’s definitely not as keen on it as I am with watching her.

We’re both just going slow because of it being very different. We’ve also discussed heavily vetting these guys out so there’s no clingy types. We already had to axe o e because of a feeling we got. It’s a hard line to walk as we don’t want attachments but we also do t want random shots in the dark. That’s a bit uneasy as well.

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I wish the same to you and yours. Maybe that’s something you guys will explore if it’s right and in your appetites. It’s easy to get hung up on details because it is important.

So we have an update. In our seemingly never ending or committal quest we made a move. We went the direction of a relaxed meeting. Due to the holiday weekend we scoped the events around us and settled on a poolside full service cabana at a fantastic resort. In hindsight we would have chosen differently although the day was great. I and we for that matter became conscious of the changing dynamics of our group. As in my wife and I getting settled, him showing up, and the three of us together with lots of others around the pool. Not long after he came I became very conscious of the public arena and moved a few chairs down.

As for everything overall. We’ve gotten more frequent with our face time masturbation group sessions. But the reality of an actual in person meeting was on a different level for us both. Right after I moved they applied sun screen to each other, exchanged some affection, and kissed a bit. The build up from the weeks and weeks of communication and videos made everything natural and right. We texted back and forth over the next couple hours really making sure, a bit excessively, that we were both ok with the direction.

In hindsight I don’t know why but we preset a no sex rule. We wish we would have made that more vague because we found ourselves in our hotel room a couple hours after he got there… I’ll leave the detail to the imagination but watching my wife with another man was very natural. I’m not sure if I explained previously but the extent of pleasure provided to my wife is through oral and some of her larger toys we have to mix in. It was almost a weight off my shoulders watching him pleasure my wife like I’ve never seen. We ended up making three trips from the pool to the room and back during the afternoon.

Again there’s some things we would change but the time we’ve taken is not one. It felt like we had been involved for a very long time.