Hey guys, so I’m new to the notion of bondage and currently seeing someone who likes the idea of me being a femdom. I have zero experience in this area and we haven’t even slept together yet, he tells me he likes the humiliation and objectification part the most. Can anyone help me and give me some tips? Or scenarios? I would be very grateful 😊
First off, safety first. As well as honest, open communication.
Tell him you are new to this, but curious and very excited to try it! If he's more experienced, talk about it, get advice and tips. You'll find more both on LH's youtube channel and blog, and you can also just google about things you want to know. Keep it at a beginner's level.
For the first few times, don't use rope. Use cuffs, for example: https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=33979 , https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=72 or https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30718 It's always good to keep safety scissors at hand: https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=36753
Better too loose than too tight. Always keep an eye out for discoloration (blood leaving the limbs, or skin turning blue/ purple. In this case, release him immediately. Ask him often if it feels good. Listen to him during play, but also pay attention to his body language.
When it comes to humiliation and objectification, I personally consider both to be ''advanced'' forms of d/s play and I prefer to engage in them with subs that I know reasonably well.
A very basic scenario would be to have him undress you, worship your body, lick your feet clean (that's a perfect opportunity to ''step'' on his head and push it against the floor), maybe have him lick the floor you step on. Then use him as a sex toy - be it oral or penetrative sex, or using sex toys. Once you're satisfied, tell him it's enough and then stop with all sex-related activities. Have him clean up, make food and massage your feet while you're watching a movie. (I hope this isn't too graphic, I did my best to keep it generic enough!)
Smultron is so correct all subs wish to be treated like this by their mistress
Thank you so much! Keep em coming! 🤣 I need as much help as possible lol although he keeps telling me I’m a natural haha x
I totally agree with Smultron on this one.
Safety and communication are essential!
On communication: One of the best things I’ve ever done for myself and my OH was to set her some homework! Doesn’t sound very sexy, I know, but trust me, this really helps on many levels. Let me explain...
In BDSM play, establishing boundaries (hard and soft limits) is a key way to keep play going without interruptions, and avoids lasting physical or emotional damage to your play partner.
Establishing consent to try things out before play begins is also a really great way to avoid breaking the dominant dynamic you have over your partner. From many subs’ perspective, asking ‘permission’ to do something during kinky play is a major turn-off!
Smultron, you should seek work as a BDSM sex therapist if you aren't already! Your posts are so informative.
As others have said, it's key to find out beforehand, and in detail, what he likes (or might like) and what he doesn't. Then you can use your imagination while working in some of his fantasies, without wondering if you are doing the wrong thing, etc.
Since you are new to being a dom, it's also important that you don't pretend kowledge/confidence which you lack. For example, pretending to be an expert in ropeplay could end up being dangerous.
Really recommend "The New Topping Book" by Dossie Easton & Janet W Hardy. There's an audio version on Audible too. Really helped me to understand the subtleties of the hows and whys in a Dom/Sub relationship.
Lots of good books on rope-play too if you’re wanting to begin experimenting in safety. LH has this one, which is a good introduction, with safety tips:
https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=26946
Don't forget too this can be largely about your pleasure and desires as well: Not really sure specifically how the humiliation/objectification works for your partner. Some who wish to be objectified, want to be used as a sex toy, some prefer sex as aftercare once they've been degraded. I'm guessing part of the fun for him could be satisfying your lusts during play. Perhaps he's wanting to be ordered to go down on you at your pleasure until you're fully satisfied? Whenever you want it, even! There are many possibilities for your pleasure. Just remember that this comes with responsibilities for his safety and care for his boundaries while you're in charge.
Love and lust take so many wonderful forms...
Sigh!
NickiG_89 It's great that it's coming naturally and that you're enjoying it!
I agree that both of you need to set your boundaries up front and, if possible, establish consent in advance, as Knottydevil said. There are bdsm kink lists available online. Each of you fills it in on their own, and then you compare them and talk about each kink. Hard limit or red means ''hell no, stop!''. Soft limit or yellow/ orange means ''maybe, but be careful and listen to me''. No limit or green means ''I love this, keep going!''.
defam, I'm just very sex-positive and a hobby BDSM sex therapist, haha!
As Knottydevil said, once you know what your partner likes, it will be easier for you to find ways to dominate him, that will also be pleasurable for you. I also agree that you (the dom) are responsible for the physical and psychological well-being of your sub, this is why extreme BDSM is really not recommended. It's a very fun ride there though, I promise! ;)