This sounds really horrible. I’m so sorry you went through that. I totally understand how the mere mention of bondage could be a trigger for traumatic and unhappy memories.
BDSM play has so much potential for genuine distress, and the outward appearance of violence and abuse can be easily misunderstood or abused by players, eg; inexperienced and/or toxic individuals. There’s really so much scope for rubbish experiences with bondage. And it sounds like you had a bad and somewhat abusive one.
On the other hand, for some people the experiences of being used/ degraded/ frightened/ hurt, are all potentially materials for deriving sexual pleasure. But this all should happen within a safe and trusting dynamic with prior consent of boundaries and a focus on mutual enjoyment. Some know this as risk aware consensual kink (r.a.c.k). Prior open and honest communication of; consent, desires, boundaries, safe words, hard limits, etc; are all essential pre-requisites to keeping things safe and fun for everyone involved.
Some people use BDSM quizzes and apps as aids in getting the prior communication bit right. In group dynamics, I can see how this could quickly feel like alot of admin! So keeping it light is highly recommended in the absence of properly negotiated consents all round.
For my wife, who very much enjoys being tied up, bondage is fun. The negative emotions you described are subverted: the script is flipped.
For her being ‘used’, is fun in the sense of being enjoyed, albeit respectfully. She doesn’t enjoy degradation in the sense of being treated badly, or humiliated.
She does find it fun to be ‘objectified’, a sort of degradation, or de-personalisation, but only in the sense of temporarily taking on the role of a highly desired and treasured possession, rather than an inferior or disposable possession.
She enjoys the sense of not knowing what’s coming next in our sessions, and being blindfolded, to heighten this. But this is in the context of a loving relationship with boundaries: she knows to a very great extent what is not happening next! So it’s playing with anticipation & fear even, from a place of safety.
My wife is not big on pain either. Strong sensations and pleasure (like spanking), sure, but when it tips over into pain, it’s game over. Pain’s often depicted in bondage porn, but it really is not at all essential, just like humiliation, fear, degradation or feeling used, are not essentials.
There are plenty of ways to do bondage.
There are also plenty of ways to play with BDSM without physical restraints. If your partner is given permission to give you orders to hold a pose, for example, then physical restraint isn’t necessary, for a strong power dynamic to be at play. A variant of this involves bondage inspired lingerie that isn’t designed for actual restraint. It has a more symbolic function, kinda like a prop in roleplay.
A soft blindfold, some symbolic cuffs or loosely tied wrists, and being submissive on all fours might be close enough to bondage for your purposes. Perhaps even a blindfolded group game of ‘whose cock is this’ 
Of course there should be no obligation to ‘take one for the team’ in your group dynamic. Your choice is really down to whether you might find some part of the play to be fun and interesting, whether that’s in a dominant, submissive, or switching role.
I hope whatever you decide to do, you continue to make plenty of happy memories, and leave the unhappy ones for dust!
