So I'm in the midst of planning for my wedding which will happen at the end of next year. We're looking at venues now and it was with some trepidation that I started looking for wedding gown options.
I'm a UK12 (pushing UK14 since I gained some weight) and have always been self conscious about my weight. I'm from an asian country where almost everyone is stick thin (have posted about my problems before) and have battled with self esteem issues for as long as I can remember.
I sent out some cold emails to some bridal studios to enquire about their wedding gowns. I had a whole list of questions and also pointed out that I was a bigger sized bride.
I received this response from a studio whose gown gallery I particularly liked:
Hi,
Thank you for your email enquiry. We have only a few of such gowns.
Regards,
-- Bridal Studio Name --
Nothing was addressed about my other enquiries, nor was I invited down for a fitting. I just got the vibes that they were not interested in my business and mostly because I was a bigger bride. Maybe I'm being sensitive, but I'm pretty sure that I would have received a much warmer response if I was a traditional UK6 or UK8.
I have to admit that I'm bordering on the edge of being bummed about this but I'm trying hard to not let it get me down. I've made some progress since I lasted posted on here about my self image woes and don't want to take steps back.
Sorry for the random posting, I just had to rant about it somewhere.
Are you shopping in the UK? I think 12 is the average size here, the vast majority of stores should stock this size as default. If your home country doesn't stock them, why not treat yourself to a trip to the UK? Somewhere like York that will be classy but not exclude average women (I imagine up street London places have sizes 2-8)
12 is not an overly large size,I think because of your background you see yourself as larger than you are, 12 is average where I'm from
Size 16 is actually the average size in the UK! So there will be plenty of shops here that will stock beautiful dresses in a 12 :) This is one of the happiest times of your life, there is a dress waiting for you out there and you will look amazing in it, promise. Don't let some snobby people get you down - you wouldn't want to give them your business anyway.
Hun...I am trying to get back to a size 12!! Here in the UK...8/6 is tiny... Even 10... Please s not sell yourself short... If you are 12/14 that is a perfect size...and the UK market will have many dresses for you. Maybe your other enquires narrowed the field too much for that shop, and you are reading into their rather abrupt response it was all about size. Tbh ...shops are operated by humans..and they can still have ppl who have no clue on how to respond positively to a request! Keep your eye pure for wedding fairs.. And shop Round, try them on and get a true feel to what you want...size is totally irrelevant when you get married. Good luck Xxx
I'm actually from Southeast Asia (where the women are tiny!) so my options are pretty limited. I grew up believing that I was morbidly obese... so that was fun. I wish I lived in a more accepting country. I've been trained to just shake it off on a daily basis, but when it comes to something like my own wedding dress, it can smart a little.
Thank you all for your lovely responses. I do feel a little better. I might look into getting a Made to Measure gown so I won't have to battle my self esteem when trying to find my dream dress in a boutique that caters to mainly UK6 to UK8s.
I mean, I do believe that beauty comes in every size whether you're a UK4 or a UK24, but I'm just irritated by how I have to jump through hoops just because I don't fall within society's approved size range.
I wouldn't class a size 12 as a big size! When I was shopping for my bridal gown the shop I went to didnt have any of the dresses I tried on in my size (an 8), all the dresses I tried on were either 14 or 16, so I wouldn't have thought a 12 would be rare, in fact she said it was rare to see anyone as petite as me, which is obviously why they didn't stock the smaller sizes, they had to be ordered in. A 12 is a pretty standard size in the uk and you are beautiful and you will find your perfect gown :)
comming from a fellow bride to be who is averaging at a 16 due to huge birthing hips and a tummy pouch becaus eof having kids! i would give anything to be a 12-14 ANYTHING you are not big at all i find most bridal shops can be ignorant anyway i have my dress but it is strapp less and body fitting mermaid style and it shows off my curves but also my fat arms i wanted sleeves put on but cant find anyone to do it so i will have to choose another dress and sell this one ugh !
And you currently live in Southeast Asia (and not in the UK)? Then having your dress be made to measure might be the easiest solution. Unless you could find something in Australia, where I would expect sizes to be pretty similar to the UK (if it would be worth the trip - I know strictly nothing about travel in that part of the world).
As for the reply from the studio you quoted: As naughty mum said, maybe the person who wrote it just has another idea of customer service than you and me (I've just got something as little helpful from a printing place I contacted), don't let it get you down and just remove this shop from your list. Or write back: "Well, I actually only need ONE gown, so what exactly can you offer me" and repeat your other questions ;)
I cannot offer any practical advice (apart from the general one of the "try to get your perfect dress abroad" kind) but I sincerely feel for you. In many countries, it is thought that only size 6-10 women are allowed to wear pretty, stylish clothes; I am not from Asia but even over here, you are considered very much plus-size if you are bigger than size ten... It is heart-breaking... I am sending you big hugs - stay strong and I am sure you will eventually find something that fits you like a glove!
@Lorah13; you are so sweet, thank you so much for your kind words. *hugs* They gave me a much needed boost to my mood.
@NatandTom; thank you, I hope so too!
@Kimberly; you are one gorgeous mummy! I don't have plans to have kids but if I do, I hope I look as lovely and young as you do. Mermaid dresses are gorgeous, I'm sorry that yours didn't work out for you. Have you considered wearing a lace bolero over it? I'm not sure if it would work with your gown, but it's something I plan to do if my attempts to tone up my triceps don't work out.
@Talia; I'm actually from Singapore. It's not that expensive to travel to Australia but right now, I'm saving every cent for the wedding so I'll probably look for a gown locally. My awesome bridesmaids introduced me to some ateliers who specialise in bespoke wedding gowns so I'm definitely excited to check those out.
You and Naughty Mum are probably right that the person didn't have very good customer service in general. As my maid of honour pointed out though, we probably don't want to have to deal with people like that given how much hassle planning a wedding can be so I'm probably going to take my business elsewhere.
@Briona87; *sending hugs right back at ya*! That is so sweet of you to say, thank you. (: I've learned that beauty isn't measured by a clothing label and you lovely people at Lovehoney have definitely helped me in realizing that.
Thank you all so much for the well wishes and encouragement. ♥♥♥ I really appreciate it.
I appreciate your response. I read on a wedding forum that you had a nice selection of gowns for bigger sized brides, but perhaps that information was outdated. It is a shame, since I was really interested; still, since it seems that I'm not your targeted clientale, I will be bringing my business elsewhere.
Regardless, thank you for your time. Have a good week ahead."
I was going to post something a little snarkier but am pleased that I restrained myself. I've since deleted the email and moved on!
Minkish Minx - I lived in Asia for four years, and I'm a UK 10/12, so I completely understand how you feel about being treated as oversize when you are completely average or slimmer than average in the rest of the world. Your response to the rude bridal studio was very classy and restrained, good for you. I'm glad to hear you are getting support from your bridesmaids and have other options. Please let us know when you find your dress. x
I WISH i was a 12, it's my ideal size, it's not too big or small and it seems reltively attainable without having to starve myself to stay there, plus i just love curves. I think there's far too much pressure on brides to look "perfect" and there's so many places, magazines, online etc that make it seem almost essential for a woman to go on a pre wedding diet to be as small as possible, which is really unhealthy. I'm all for losing a dress size or toning up a bit for a confidence boost for the big day, but drastic "diets" starvation or anything extreme or unhealthy makes me so sad.