So I've been thinking about asking for advice on this for a while, I just find it a little embarrassing.......
No guy has ever made me cum/orgasm by themselves, in the past I thought it might have been the case that they weren't trying that much or the technique is wrong, but now I'm not quite sure. When I play solo its easy to finish but not as good. When I play with OH I can never fully build up to finish, but when I finish myself after we play I'm basically screaming his name it feels so good and i finish in under basically 30 seconds...so I don't know whats wrong.....:(
I can see its starting to frustrate OH, which it making me feel a bit shitty. And I really want to be able to feel OH make me cum without having to touch myself.
I've tried chastity, I have a high sex drive so helps a bit as lets me get more senstive and needy to finish but still doesn't let me go all the way.
Any advice or help please?
I can come way easier by myself, and it's difficult for a new partner to make me come. In fact it's pretty much only my current partner who has made me come, I put it down to not being relaxed enough with anyone else! You might be putting yourself under pressure to come?
Have you tried holding his fingers on / in you and guiding him? Or watching porn whilst he's going down on you? What do you do differently to him? If nothing, then it's probably that you're trying too hard which tends to have the opposite effect! Often the more you want to come, the harder it is to make it happen xx
In my opinion you need to abstain from DIY and de-programme yourself. Its a common issue and one that if you think about it, you can do blindfolded, up a bit, firmer, quicker yadda yadda, you know what to do instinctively. The trouble is your OH may be a tad too gentle, a few milimetres off, too slow, you get the picture, but its a problem nonetheless.
The other thread (which seems to have disappeared) about your OH not having a high sex drive maybe a problem in itself, in that in you abstaining,t can you be sure that your needs will be met?
I hope so, and reading between the lines, is his sex drive, bourne (in part) by this issue. You guys need to chat I think. Hope this helps.
Your applying way to much pressure on yourself. Some women go all their lives and never experience an orgasdm of any kind. I both feel and hear your frustration but chasing harder will only add to your ever increasing frustration. The key hear is to focus more on relaxation and allow the orgasm wash over you.
Your oh may know be trying to hard and making it to much of a goal. My assumption is you are a clitoral orgasmed. So as such you need to understand how a clit is shaped and works. The bit that is exposed. If you envisage a 4 legged octopus and the head is the bit we seeb2 of the legs run down either side of thevaginal opening In the labia. The other 2 run along the vagiba roof.
Sexy Babe - So just takes time then, I can understand that as strangely i feel like i'm leting him down by not finishing. I'm going to try holding his fingers an showing him that way and maybe watching porn to stimulate all senses. Thank you, I'll try those (the porn bit only if OH is ok with it) and try to relax more. Maybe make the aim to feel good and not cum...then no pressure and it might just come...pander the pun. Thank you :) x
Tiger Dick - What do you mean when you say deprogramme? Like not think about it too much or not play? Blindfolded is a good idea, then I can't focus on anything but the feeling and might be more kinky feeling too. So maybe as Sexy Babe said...direct him with my hand. (LH unfortunately deleted it as it became a one-one conversation.) I do feel like my needs ain't being met....but I feel so selfish and mean saying that :(. Yes I'm going to chat to him, but he said hes going to talk to a doc about his drive (I didnt have to say anything so sounds like he has a feeling) so waiting to see what they say . I kinda think when it goes up (hopefully) he'll be more into it and that might help. Thank you TD did help :) x
Gentle Giant - Ouch...I couldn't live without orgasms :P. So relax, don't force it, maybe don't make it the aim, maybe even aim not to cum, the denial might actually physiologically click it overboard. That makes sense, focus on how and where works and why and then show OH. Thank you :). Btw, OH was really interested in the cards so I "accidently" left them at his..open on the bed...so he can have a look through him....can tell its giving him a few ideas from a text he send me. Thank you so much for them :) x
I come really easily, which I love and OH finds it great, but I can understand your frustration.
Do you play tie up and tease? By blindfolding and restraining your other senses become more heightened. So if your OH blindfolds you, restrains you, and teases you with different textures and feels I'm sure you will be really worked up and begging for him to penetrate you. This build up should make it much easier for you to come.
Of course abstanance from any sexual pleaser is going to help, before you try tie up and tease.
Good luck AlyBlue, I hope it all works out. It's difficult when one partner has a higher sex drive than the other but everyone can increase their libido, depending on what is causing it to be low (could be stress, medication, or lacking something) - there are also tablets and natural aphrodisiacs he can take.
Porn is a great help as it's visual - men tend to be very visually stimulated and women's bodies are so sexy!
Good luck xx
I nearly always have difficulty orgasming with a new partner and I make sure I explain to them that it takes time for me to get there. Most take this as a challenge and set out to prove me wrong. So they try really, really hard, but my "problem" is psychological, not physical (I can make myself orgasm easily, with or without toys). After a while of trying they become frustrated, sometimes even taking it personally, or blaming me. I end up feeling hurt and frustrated, too. And at that point I feel like it's impossible and I completely understand why some people just fake it. :(
I would definitely agree that the more pressure I put on myself (or a partner puts on me) the harder it becomes. The one time I can think of where a new partner made me cum first time, he'd just given me a very slow and relaxing massage, and I wasn't expecting an orgasm or thinking about it at all. I was just enjoying the lovely foreplay. Usually orgasms come with time, patience (me and my partner), and feeling completely comfortable and connected with them. After the first one, it's really easy. :)
*sexybabe* wrote:
Good luck AlyBlue, I hope it all works out. It's difficult when one partner has a higher sex drive than the other but everyone can increase their libido, depending on what is causing it to be low (could be stress, medication, or lacking something) - there are also tablets and natural aphrodisiacs he can take.
Porn is a great help as it's visual - men tend to be very visually stimulated and women's bodies are so sexy!
Good luck xx
Thank you :) and he says hes comfortable trying that so going to give it a go :) xx
Caliente - As much as know how upseting and frustrating it is...I'm kinda glad I'm not the only one <3. I know now that I just need to relax and focus on having a fun time, explained to him that I love the play and if he makes me cum then great, if not then I don't mind as the play allows me to cum hard in the end. He seems quite relaxed with that :).
I understand why people fake, but I always promised myself i would never fake no matter what, as the guy would never learn, and I know when he finally does make me cum he'd be really proud of himself and know what works for me :). So just going to relax, enjoy and not stress myself out :). Massage is a really good idea though, as OH gives amazing massages! Also glad after the first its easier :P.
Thank you for your help :) Hugs x
Omg a sensual massage, winner!! My OH doesn't like giving or receiving massages, which is annoying as I love both! It'll happen for you - give it time x
AlyBlue - I made the mistake of faking it a very long time ago and I swore I never would again! You have to be honest. I'm sure you'll get there. Lots of great advice here. :)
You've already had some excellent advice, but here's my two cents....
Take solo off the table for the time being as it's well documented that giving yourself clitoral orgasms makes vaginal orgasms harder to come by.
Don't concentrate on the orgasm, enjoy the journey. It's extremely difficult if not impossible to climax when you're spending too much time worrying about it happening.
Relax read erotica, watch porn, build up slowly, sensual massage as you mentioned before having intercourse, then enjoy the ride and it'll happen eventually.
Have fun😄💗xx
slinky binky wrote:
You've already had some excellent advice, but here's my two cents....
Take solo off the table for the time being as it's well documented that giving yourself clitoral orgasms makes vaginal orgasms harder to come by.
Don't concentrate on the orgasm, enjoy the journey. It's extremely difficult if not impossible to climax when you're spending too much time worrying about it happening.
Relax read erotica, watch porn, build up slowly, sensual massage as you mentioned before having intercourse, then enjoy the ride and it'll happen eventually.
Have fun😄💗xx
Just going to 'enjoy the journey' :) We're trying no play for a week and seeing what effect it has on him (I know it will be torture for me :P) and only foreplay when we meet (no sex) to focus on that. Yep good ideas again with the relaxing :) Thank you for your 'two cents' :) will have fun ;) xx
Gillybean 22 wrote:
I think your oh has just got to use the god given talents a male has ... by using lovehoney creams to relax you . Then slowly rotate his fingers around your clit .. aleranting with three fingers until you squirt ... you will squirt babe if he does it right
hmm...i'll hint to him to try that...would love to squirt, talked to him about it and he seemed really rpoud that he'd made a girl squirt once in the past...so now know its good if i squirt :) thanks for the tip ;) x
My OH has made a girl squirt, he reckons not everyone can do it - pah! I'll show him *naughtily grins*
Good luck and keep us posted on how you get on!
Its always best to learn how to squirt for yourself first. Far less pressure and plenty more time too.
*sexybabe* wrote:
My OH has made a girl squirt, he reckons not everyone can do it - pah! I'll show him *naughtily grins*
Good luck and keep us posted on how you get on!
Haha go show him you can ;) and will do :) everyone is bring so helpful :D x
Hey *AlyBlue* I've found a website that shows you how to orgasm in many different ways, and you use a 'touch screen' to practice! Sounds a bit odd but might be worth showing your OH? There's a cost but you can preview one part for free. It's called OMGyes, I've seen the preview but not signed up yet, but I'm going to. Thought I'd mention it! You never know, it may help xx
*sexybabe* wrote:
Hey *AlyBlue* I've found a website that shows you how to orgasm in many different ways, and you use a 'touch screen' to practice! Sounds a bit odd but might be worth showing your OH? There's a cost but you can preview one part for free. It's called OMGyes, I've seen the preview but not signed up yet, but I'm going to. Thought I'd mention it! You never know, it may help xx
Sounds interesting and I know how I can work it into the conversation without plain out saying please try this technic :). whats the website? thank you :) xx