My long term partner(m) is a hard dom and I’ve(f) realised I need a soft dom, is there a way we can compromise?
1 Like
Do you have any mutual kinks or common ground?
Tastes and desires can change over time but it’s an organic change, not something can be be pushed through to suit a relationship.
There can be a little compromise but if one or both of you ends up doing things you really don’t enjoy just to make the other happy then it’s just going to cause resentment and issues eventually.
5 Likes
Thanks for your advice. We do have a few things in common; physical restraint, hair pulling, light impact play. Do we just stick to those from now on?
The more I think about it, the more I realise I’ve been doing things he likes to make him happy, and even though I thought I didn’t mind, I actually actively don’t like it. Unfortunately I think I’ve done this for so long that I’ve put myself off sex a bit, so I figure the only way I can get interested again is to actually ask for compromise, I just wondered if it’s even possible before I ask. Terrible communication skills, I know!
2 Likes
As @Calie has already put very well, you should never feel pressured to do something you don’t want to or don’t like. Kink is all about communication and consent and a good Dom should understand that. Compromise is absolutely possible just make sure you aren’t compromising in a way that means you’re doing things you don’t want to or are hard limits just to please your partner.
Something that works for me but might not work for everyone is that my dominant and I are making a contract. It’s not super official or strict it’s kind of just a bit of fun but it does clearly lay out everything we will try, everything that’s an absolute hard no and all sorts of safety measures and things. This was really important for us as I have a lot of health issues so we really needed to lay out all different forms of safe words and procedures in case of a medical emergency or if something happens that means I can’t use a verbal safe word.
It might seem a little extreme but I thought I’d give it as a suggestions as it’s really helped me and brought me and my partner a lot closer so that we can explore each others boundaries and fantasies
5 Likes
Communication is lubrication. Definitely talk it out. As stated above, set clear boundaries and consent. I like @Jinx comment about a “contract” and maybe even have some fun role playing that idea. I find that resentment and feelings Can take a long time to show if you’re good at internalizing them which can make them harder to solve as well.
2 Likes
Sorry I can provide you any advice good luck trying to sort your problem out 