So went back to the doctor I've been given the number of a counsellor to call any time if I change my mind but for now as things are a little (just a little) bit better to see if things continue to get better on its own but I can call any time to get the ball rolling and go to the doctors any time I need to as well.
I have told my friends (family already knew) an they're all extremely supportive, the guy I was seeing got back in contact with me the other night asking if I was ok I (still in a mood with him) replied didn't think it mattered and he put don't be stupid always matters and my heart melted (didn't let him know of course) he said he just wanted to check I was ok and apologise to me (even though my mum, his sister and the girl he's seeing said for him to never message me again and made him block me so we could move on but he said he needed to know if I was ok) it felt kinda nice that he messaged. After everything he still cares, at first I thought he never cared like I did but he must do. We aren't back together but it's nice for him to still keep an eye on me and be protective.
Still chatting to Mr sexy and although he doesn't know about the guy I was seeing he's helped take my mind off it.
Saw grandparents last weekend they're doing really well. Turns out when we made the emergency trip to granddad (pancreas problems not sure if I mentioned it?) turns out he had such strong pain killers he knew we were there and was acting normal but the next day he didn't believe we'd been there until my dad, nan and the nurses told him we had been. He didn't remember due to pain killers. But he's out and at home and doing fine think we are going back soon.
These little things have helped me a little but it's only a little not a whole lot so I'm thinking of waiting before I call a counsellor but I can choose to do so at any time I like.