Hi all, After some reassurance and possibly some advice. Been with my man for 20 months now, and most aspects of the relationship are fantastic. I know we have a busy life what with kids and work, but last weekend on 3 separate occasions I couldn't get him to come. Usually it might happen once but after three failed attempts I feel pretty useless. We did have kids at home and I didn't worry on the Sunday night as we heard doors opening and closing. Saturday he had to finish himself off because no matter what I tried it wasn't happening Friday and Sunday were left him unfinished. When I spoke to him he said it's because he is tired, and I understand that I really do, but I can't help but feel rubbish. I've avoided instigating anything since, and when he has tried I've turned over and gone to sleep. I just don't want to let him down again, so in my head I'm saying don't do anything. I really do know the best way to bounce back is to try again but I'm scared I'm going to fail him. Sex has usually been really good, he did have some ed issues last year when he was on anxiety tablets, but he no longer takes them. I guess I'm trying to get the worry of my chest as a problem shared is a problem halved and asking for a slap to tell to stop being so silly. I have low self esteem and often wonder why my partner is with me, not helped by both his ex-wives being in his life. One I get she is the mother of his kids, the other is now just a friend, but makes me worry. Argh I know I'm being irrational and I'm hoping this weekend we can try something and all will be ok but then the voice in my head tells me to protect myself from failing.
I know there is nothing that can be said, I just have to get back out there and ride it out. But it's nice having somewhere I can offload and let my feeling out.
I too had this problem, however at the time we had been attempting to get pregnant for almost 2 years and my OH got some real blocks up that literally made him unable to get off.
Since then it has been less of a problem, however i often get the feeling if my OH was not in control of the sexual events that occur between us then i would have a very hard time getting him off.
Quite hard to comment without knowing your circumstances but, my man often wanted me to play alone so that he could enjoy the show. Maybe you could try "stoke the fire" in this way?
Suprise him with a nice body stocking/babydoll?
Can really only say what has helped us, i sometimes really feel that i am too little for my man as he is really open to anything and i have my line in the sand. Simply talking has helped us both alot since we can meet in the middle and solve the puzzle of what we really can experience.
I hope this helps, reading back it is just random rambling but i know how you feel and it is a lonely place.
Heres a male perspective if it helps at all. I honestly would not worry!
Im pretty sure all blokes have the same problem now and again and often when they are at their horniest. Recently I went away with my wife for a weekend with at least half of our hold luggage full of Lovehoney merchandise.
4 nights of jiggy jiggy? No problemo thought I. Second night I thought I was Sting and doing some sort of Tantric Sex, could not ejaculate at all. I'm pretty sure should Sinead O'Connor (in her late eighties hey day) have knocked on the door offering room service and a little bit more it would have made no difference.
Sometimes it just happens.... in all fairness my wife flogged that half dead horse for a good while to be greeted with a lot less than your standard 10cc. I get pretty obssessed with simultaneous orgasms as my wife is not one of those "and i came 15 times just by holding a dildo" types of lady.
In my experience it doesnt take much to put a guy off his stroke so to speak. And sometimes when the mojo goes walkies its gone for the night. But hopefully just for the night! Its easy to say don't get hung up on it but.... dont get hung up on it! The last thing a guy needs is to feel inadequate in the bedroom department, that becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
Without being crude I usually have a fair amount of staying power (one advantage of getting old I guess), a few nights ago I popped the shot after a few short thrusts, it was almost an exact scenario of the night I lost my virginity. Feeling duty bound as a gentleman I spend what seemed like an eternity returning the favour.
Point being? Male orgasm is like a bag or revels, you never know what you're gonna get, but surely thats the fun? The events leading to splashdown are often the most exciting and certainly the ones I am thinking of as I sit on the tube with my grin.
As for ex relationships... many apologies but in matters of the heart my advice would be pretty worthless.
Chin up keep smiling, without wishing to sound creepy I read a few of your other posts and you have obviously had some turbulent times. May the future be bright and happy.
Don't worry and most of all do not think he doesn't fancy you. Just have another go and if it takes ages enjoy yourself. It is better that way than going too soon and you not getting any chance!
Just relax as the more pressure you both have, the less likely either of you will orgasm!
I wouldn't worry hun just like women, men can have difficulty for different reasons it doesn't matter just try again n tAlk if its needed this has happened to my bf a few times...
other week we were at it n I was giving a bj/hand job for some reason on the film we were watching it made us stop then the boy hung him self thats it for both of us.. what im tryna say these things happen no matter your age, past etc
There are many times my wife can’t get me to cum, but its never anything to do with her, its usually something like being too full of foo, needing to break wind but being too embarassed to say, paranoia about getting her preganant or making a mess, feeling like the neighbours/kids can hear, or just being knackered, its never ever her. I feel like ejaculation is 90% down to psychology and timing and only 10% physical.
It also happened a lot more when we were newly together or when we had the first child but werent ready to have another, and much less when there is no consequences to orgasm. Like, when we were trying to have kids I arguabbly came way too soon for months .
I would say, if your man isn’t cumming, its probably nothing to do with you, and everything to do with his head or his bowels/stomach
We had this but the other way round. Before we started the open relationship Joe couldn’t make me cum on his own and I just assumed it was me. When we started being open a guy I slept with made me cum.
I told Joe about it and went over the things this guy had done that I’d liked and after a few attempts, he was able to give me an orgasm.
Long story short, sitting down and going over it may be the best way.