Chastity from a female perspective

My OH and I are interested in this, admittedly me more than her.

I just wanted to get a female perspective of male chastity. I have been told that it is nearly never instigated by the female in a relationship and that it is not a common female fantasy, until that is, they realise the possible benefits.

What you get out of it?

How did you get into it and what part of it made you realise it was a positive and enjoyable dynamic?

Possibly some advice to find out what it is that turns you on about it, and what were your initial thoughts when starting out?

Thanks in advance


I instigated it in my relationship (Although to be fair there is a valid point to be made - chastity and submission are not synonymous. You cannot force someone to become submissive by enforcing chastity and likewise, you can have femdom relationships w/o chastityy, so it makes sense that males usually initiate) Anyway, I initiated it, he was on board and we grew massively from there.

I got into it because it was an extention on a kink I already had; tease and denial. (w/o a device). I got into it because we had a D/s dynamic and it was a natural progression in our play style. Most importantly, I got into it because it turned us both on.

Again I would like to reiterate that you cannot slap a chastity device on a partner and expect them to submit to you and be worshipping at your heel. It has to be consensual and he has to at least have some element of desire along those lines. I know you can go onto Google and read "Make your man do anything you want - put him in chastity" or "Stop your man cheating - with chastity" or "Get what you want in the bedroom - chastity" get the picture, but if this is not your mans desire, you cannot proceed. All that it will cause is resentment, upset and issues. (and a bad break-up - possibly with a restraining order involved lol)

It is also important to remember that each couples dynamic is different. Just like "vanilla" (hate that term) sex, chastity play has a wide variety of different play styles and again, you and your partner want to be on the same page. If one of you desires tease and denial with reasonably regular releases, its going to be disheartening and no fun to discover his keyholder wants him locked 24/7 and not getting any release.

What turns me on is knowing he is constantly aroused for me and also having power and control. Knowing he is placing a high level of trust in my hands etc. It turns me on the make him beg, or grovel and see how far I can take him (In pleasure and frustration) It turns him on too ofc.

Chastity is powerful. It can be enforced without a device (If you trust him and he is committed to remain chaste until permitted otherwise) It can cause heightened emotions and I even notice a personality change from when he is in and out of chastity. You have to keep communicating always and he must always feel comfortable speaking up, with any issues or concerns.

I recommend starting slow. As mentioned, it can cause powerful emotions and even guys who crave this can find they jumped too far too soon, letting their fantasy outweigh reality and they have a bad experience. (again, keep talking) You can enjoy this kink without a device. (we did for years)

As for starting out, it very much depends on your dynamic and what works for you both. Just avoid jumping straight into the deep end and talk about things after, so that you can build up an idea of each others limits, desires and turn-offs. I dunno if it helps, but I wrote a guide on my blog, for beginners. It would save me re-typing all the info:

If you do decide to get a device, read reviews and do research into fitting and how to get started. I recommend not enforcing that he wear it constantly from the get-go, as it takes a while to get used to. You could start with just evenings, then maybe build up to days. Night time is the worst (nocturnal erections can be painful inside a device) and he could get woken up often. This will fade as he gets used to the device, but if the device is really ill-fitting, it might just get worse and become unbearable. I recommend choosing a device with lots of sizing options, like the CB6000.

Leave a key with him at all times in the beginning (Until he can wear it comfortably for days on end without issue). You can seal it in an envelope and sign the seal. This way, you know if he retreived the key, but it also provides him an option for quick escape in any kind of emergency. It may also ease those fears a little.

Basically, my main advice is this: talk talk talk and take it slow. Do it this way and you can't go wrong.

Chastity is hot! (or it should be) for both of you. For so many reasons. What made me realise how much I loved chastity are the times he cuddles up to me and tells me how much he loves me. What makes me realise he loves chastity? I once threatened to take away his device (I was angry that he had forgot to put it back on after his bath - a few times in a row) and he was pretty upset about that idea! Yeah, we just talk a lot and being honest and forthcoming with worries and concerns helps nip any issues in the bud early. Of course, you also need to know the difference between a problem and a whinge about his situation, because giving in to his every demand puts him in control of the situation and you will begin to wonder why you bothered.

You want to push him, but not break him! hehe

Good luck and if you have any specific questions, just ask!


Thank you so much for the detailed and informative response. That was really very generous of you. Certainly a lot to think about.

We will be talking this over tonight so I'm sure a few questions will come up. Can't wait for the fun to begin!

I will leave a more detailed response once we have chatted about it further.

Thank you again. Great to have someone like you on here.



We've dabbled in a spot of male chastity, at my initiation. My OH was really hesitant to start with but she soon realised the benefits and power it gave her.
I agree with fluff that it's a natural extension to t&d

I initiated it on a play mate that I meet regularly. It was something we were both interested in, as I was Dominant with him and took part in humiliation and such like, so it progressed from there.

Big to Fluffbags post

Great advice from all concerned. We have experimented in the past, very short term but after some discussion I am now locked and have been for the last 24 hours. OH seems to enjoy containing me and the constant sexual energy I seem to have.

Not sure how long we are going to go for this time but I think we will take it one day at a time. I definitely would like to mix it up with T&D and possible ruined orgasms but most definitely prostate milking.

Can't wait!