Christmas Competition - write me a story?

Hey Y’all!

As Christmas is fast approaching and I have an abundance of treats on my desk I thought it was time to run a little competition. We all feel a little festive and I also get a tidy desk for the new year (yay)! Prizes available for my favourite entries as well as some randomly selected entries.

What I want you to do is write me a little story! All I want from this story is for it to be set during the holidays and for it to be told from the point of view of a sex toy finding its forever home. Please remember the forum rules and don’t be graphic, any story I deem to graphic will be eliminated (from both the competition and the random draw) so keep it chill y’all. Word limit is 500 words!

Because it’s the holidays I will allow as many story entries as you like (I will probably live to regret this but oh well).

I will do the draw in the new year (and try to be on time this time)!

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Once upon a time there was a girthy realistic suction cup dildo. He was a lonely shaft, veiny and soft and he woke to find himself laying in straw manger in an old stable. The snow was falling hard and thick and deep outside but he felt a throb inside. He knew that there was a special someone crying out for pleasure, Christmas pleasure. He hauled himself upright, dragged his throbbing core to the stone step, his cup was created a tight bond to the smooth hard surface, 'wank stick' he thought to himself, he always found himself in sticky situations. Luckily a passing wise man carefully prised him free, he offered some wise words, 'follow the throb and you will find your place'. The girthy dildo hopped along through the snow, leaving a happy ball print with great vein detail in his trail. Soon the dildo came across a stricken sheep, without thinking the dildo nestled in the sheep's wool, the shock made the sheep jump to her feet, baaaa said the sheep, the shepherd heard the commotion and thanked the dildo for his kind actions, he adorned the dildo in a ring of wool which sat neatly at the base of his shaft. Girthy dildo hopped on following is throb sense, he bounded through the night, through the snow and he met a friendly Christmas donkey who agreed to take him to the nearest village. Together they plodded on following a bright star that seemed to guide the dildo closer to the throbbing source. Suddenly a flash of light lit up the sky, a rabbit shaped angel Vibrator appeared and proclaimed the girthy dildo was close to finding his place and he was more than he could imagine, the rabbit angel's ears tickled him and as quickly as it appeared it faded back into the night sky. Girthy dildo arrived at a small hut and heard sobbing inside, he hopped through a crack in the door to see a beautiful Christmas maiden lying naked on her bed, she looked up, wiped a tear and the girthy dildo suddenly began to throb and vibrate. She reached for him, her soft grip around his shaft lifting him towards her. She kissed him he started Vibrating hard and now he trusted too, his christmas dream came true... He was more than he thought he had found his place inside this beautiful maiden's dark hole. It was a Christmas miracle. Remember a toy is for life not just for Christmas.

“Today will be my day, today will be my day”, thought the little dildo, as his friends got taken away. They don’t care that I don’t vibrate, thrust, or shake, those are all just things that eventually break. I am more trusty, I am firm though I’m small, but not everyone enjoys girthy and tall. Not everyone likes big and impressive, he said quietly to himself, as the other dildos seemed to grow even more massive. “Today will be my day, today will be my day”, he kept on repeating to make the bad thoughts go away. “Psst hey you” someone whispered across the shelf, the little dildo looked around, but saw only bigger versions of himself. “Hey, yes you” he heard again, from way in the back. The tiny dildo turned his head, with his tiny dildo neck. He couldn’t see who spoke to him, whichever toy spoke out, so the little dildo squeaked out with his little dildo mouth. “Yes, I hear you, what do you have to say?”, “don’t get your hopes up little dildo, they will never take you away!” The little dildo fought back tears from his little dildo eyes, and finally with all his strength, he yelled “stop telling lies!” As days turned to night, and nights turned to day, even more of the little dildo’s friends got taken away. Until one day it happened, the box packing man took him away, “I wonder where I’m going to, oh man, do I look okay?” They dusted him off, and wrapped him with care, with a nice green paper and a big red bow to wear. In a package he went, shipping label on top, then off to the courier, with a skip and a hop. He heard bells in the air, as he grew more and more cold, making his way to the person to whom he was sold. “Ding dong, ding dong” he finally heard, followed by some mumbles, though he didn’t understand a word. He was picked up, and then put down, “nooooooo” thought the little dildo, as his smile turned to a frown. “I was chosen, it was my time to play” he cried to himself, no longer keeping the bad thoughts away. “I am small, I am worthless, no one wants me at all” if he wasn’t a firm little dildo he’d crawl into a ball. He closed his eyes, and accepted his fate. “At least I got to go on a trip, before it was too late”. A little while later, a few days had passed, he heard the ripping of paper, “has my time come at last?” Blinded by twinkly lights, it took a while for him to see, that he was in the hands of a woman who was beaming with glee. “Oh darling, thank you, what a wonderful surprise, it is so cute and perfect, look at the size!” The little dildo felt warmth in his soul, as he finally found his perfect forever hole. The end.


The champagne bottle was feeling happy and fulfilled – it was doing its job perfectly, keeping MsR satisfied and content, as she curled up by the crackling fire on the evening of her birthday. His lovely lady friend picked him up fondly, wrung the last drop out of him, rose to her feet and, oh – the sudden horror – opened the door and flung him out in the cold where he landed in the icy recycling bin, next to an empty bottle of pink gin and a marmite jar. The three rejects nestled together, wondering how they could win back their lady’s affections… fearful about what might happen next.

A few days later the recycling van arrived and carted the champagne bottle, the gin bottle and the marmite jar off many miles away, where a trip down a conveyor belt and into the burning abyss mingled their colours and souls together and moulded them into a new shape. The champagne bottle looked down at its new, sleek form, flecked and swirled with the colours of his friends. ‘Oh – I’m just a stick now,’ he thought despondently, ‘who would want a glass stick?’ He found himself being placed in a velvet bag and put on another lorry to sleep in a dark for what seemed like an age.

Suddenly he woke to sounds of popping corks and the smell of a wood burning stove. Memories began to stir… ‘Merry Christmas, Darling!’ he heard someone say, and then a familiar and delighted voice exclaimed, ‘Oh! A Lovehoney parcel!’ His wrappings were stripped away and he found himself once again in the loving hands of MsR. He started to plan how he could bring her as much pleasure as a glass stick as he had as a champagne bottle and his imagination ran riot, the pink gin in his veins disguising his blushes.

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"How long have I been waiting here, days, weeks..." Frankie sighed to herself as she lay quietly, watching, waiting, pondering on when it would be her turn to leave this cavernous place she called home. Frankie knew when the time came for her to go on her journey everything would change, and fast. Amongst the chatter of friends around her she heard things that exited her, and was filled with trepidation at what was *ahem*, coming. Each time she heard footsteps approach, and another one of her neighbours taken away, she wondered when it would be her turn. She wasn't afraid, quite the opposite in fact. Everything she needed was packed and ready to go, the only thing she didn't have was batteries, "but that's ok" she though to herself, "they'll have some when I get there, won't they?" She knew she shouldn't worry about things like that but she couldn't help it, everything had to be ready for her debut. At least she knew she looked good. Frankie glanced down at herself and could help but smile to see the classy black sheath that moulded to her body, soft to touch, and very inviting. She began to day dream and wondered what it would look like wet... "Stop getting ahead of yourself! " She laughed quietly, not wanting to draw attention from the others around her, but it was too late. "Hey Frankie, what's so funny?" Came a deep voice from far below, she definitely couldn't see him but she knew who it was. "Never you mind!" Frankie giggled, Jordan was such a joker... well, she supposed he had to be, considering he was a green, crocodile posing pouch with large googly eyes and triangular white felt teeth. Suddenly there was a noise "What was that?!" Gasped Frankie, the creak of the door opening and soft footsteps approaching made Frankie's heart race, a bright light flooded her vision as the boxes next to her containing her friends were pushed aside. She felt herself be lifted gently off the shelf and carried away, only to be placed in another box which was sealed shut. "This is it!" her heart was pounding, she had been chosen and it was time to fulfill her purpose in life... she didn't have those large ears, and thick, long body for nothing, and when she was turned on... the vibrations were out of this world. Whilst she may not have exactly fulfilled her namesake and been a soft fluffy bunny, she was definitely rampant as her new owner was about to discover...

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MsR wrote:

The champagne bottle was feeling happy and fulfilled...

Lol, this one was really good, made me laugh a lot, especially the marmite jar for some reason.

“Right, Corporal, listen up, son. Attention!”

“Yes Sir! Sergeant, sir!”

“Now. This ‘ere is a bullet.”

“Affirmative, sir!”

“Take a good ‘ard look at it, son.”

“Yes Sir!”

“And what is your tiny little brain noticing? Remember the importance of this training exercise, Corporal!”

“Er… it’s pink, Sarge…”

“Well spotted – you’re a keen one! Anything else?”

“It’s got a button on the end…?”

“Excellent powers of observation, son. What else?”

“It, um, seems to have a wire coming from it, sir.”

“And what might that be for? Think carefully, now!”

“Is it a grenade, sir, or a bomb?”

“Don’t be daft now lad, or Christmas leave will be cancelled. We have already established that this ‘ere is a bullet. Think on…”

“Right-o… I’m a bit flummoxed, sir”

“Ah – a novice. It’s reusable, lad – electric”

“A reusable bullet, sir? How would it be retrieved?”

“Never designed to enter the body, boy. Works in mysterious ways, see?”

“Yes, sir… um, sir, what exactly is this Christmas mission you mentioned?”

“Take this ‘ere bullet ‘ome to your missus – she’s working undercover to test a new weapon to keep the peace. My orders are to order you to try this bullet at ‘ome on Christmas leave and see it is up to the job in hand.”

“Right-o, yes, sir! Merry Christmas, sir. Will this lead to a promotion, sir?”

“Might well lead to your redundancy, son…”

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I still remember my first day... The light came through the candy cane packaging at lightning speed, like a jet breaking the speed of sound, as I was unwrapped with excited anticipation. My directions tossed aside as the female human humbled with the charging cord and taking this little baby into her hands. It wasn’t long before she was holding me underneath the mistletoe, testing out my buttons and features. I could tell she was impressed by the smile on her face and like all toys of my nature I was going to turn that smile into a pleasurable moan. It might be snowing outside with carols playing, but no warm clothes will be needed when I’m in use, I could melt snow into flowing waters once I start to heat things up. Sex toys have a difficult life, Bring on the finish to early and you get used less, take too long or fail and you most likely will not get used again. As a satisfyer, i have a reputation to live up to. I have to ensure that she is Satisfied every single time. With my super quiet suctioning and added vibrations I am able to ensure my name meets her demands as I bring on wave after wave of toe curling pleasure until she can’t handle any more.. The testament to this, is the fact I am her most used toy and kept in easy reach above all other toys she owns. Satisfyer by name Satisfyer by nature.

Xmas was close and all the toys in the Lovehoney warehouse were getting excited at the thought of being opened on the big day. What a feeling to see your new owner's eyes sparkle with delight when they see you. To bring pleasure and happiness is a toy's greatest joy.

The toys made sure their boxes were clean and dust free to attract the attention of the picker. They always gave their best pose in photos to be put on the site. They squealed with glee every time they got a good review and wailed when they got a bad one. Xmas is the time to shine, so any little negatives could be disastrous.

Oh! What's this? Just 30 days until Xmas and we have a new fancy toy in the warehouse. He's sleek, expensive and promises satisfaction to any human. He looked down at the other toys and mocked them for being inferior. The other toys look at him in awe and envy. All those settings, that heavenly do they compete? Most of the toys just shrugged, "Well, at least I have my reviews. People will still buy me. Hmph!"

However, there was one poor toy who had no reviews and he had been there for months. He didn't have all the bells and whistles these new toys had. "I know I can bring people joy. I just need a chance!" The only thing he and the new fancy toy had in common was their lack of reviews, but that was surely to change in their favour.

The fancy toy sold quickly. "What a surprise..." said the poor toy glumly as he tossed and turned in his box. The other toys were bought and picked like they usually were, but not him. He felt so useless and sad.

15 Days until Xmas and there was a huge uproar in the warehouse that woke the poor toy up. What's happened? The reviews are in for the fancy toy and...

"Waste of money!"


"Too complicated!"

The toys couldn't believe it. He was all show after all. Due to the Lovehoney Happiness Promise, the fancy toy came back through the warehouse to be recycled -he couldn't even look at any of the other toys in the eye.

A picker came to the poor toy and told him that he was chosen to replace the fancy one. He was awestruck. "Someone actually wants me!", he cried. He was lovingly gift wrapped and sent to his new home.

On the big day, he was greeted by a very happy human. What a magical feeling! They soon got to know each other very well and the poor toy was now a merry toy.

Not only that, but he finally got the reviews he deserved:

"Much better than that fancy one I got"

"Just right!"

and "The Best Xmas Gift Ever!"

The End.

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A deliver driver is feeling tried after doing 60 hour weeks leading up to Christmas. As he drives through the night looking out into the dark the rain lashing down. He starts to remember his new wife waiting at home. Feeling alone and frustrated he continued to bring presents and gifts to all on his rounds. As his van was getting lighter and the end was in sight he spys a package that has dropped and got stuck out of sight. The package is cold and shaking with chill as he opened it up he got quite a thrill. For inside he saw a dildo vibrating. So he took it to ride upfront in the van, and as the lights flashed by they started to chat. As they drove through the night the driver found out the toy had been lost and replaced with another and now he had no home and no one to make happy. They talked about finding the little guy a nice warm home. As the driver delivered more gifts the toy started to wonder what his life would be like come Christmas dawn. He wished and he hoped he could live up to his packaging promises of excitement. The driver now looking like he was walking dead jumped in the van and finally said there is one more gift to deliver tonight. The driver pulled up outside a house and for the first time tonight the roar of the engine fell silent. The driver picked up the dildo and wrapped him up warm he took him inside and said goodnight as he slipped him in a Christmas stocking. The toy lay in the snuggly soft sock he started to quiver again but this time with excitement. He could barely rest all night long and then he heard voices as the morning dawned. All of a sudden a soft hand grabbed his shaft and with a cheeky giggle gave a little gasp, she gave him a kiss and he felt he had a home at last. Merry Christmas he thought and he wished all would have a good night.

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Sorry I only have a mobile phone and no PC at home. Means all my posts merge into one. Good luck everyone. I am enjoying the stories.

This is a great idea and I’m loving everyone’s stories. Keep them coming! I’m away for a week, but still might be tempted to write another... let’s have more, it’s fun!

Merry Christmas, one and all xxx

A Doctor Who Story, for anyone wondering about Sonic Screwdrivers:

The Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS onto sunny snow, uncertain about where the TARDIS had actually landed.

Carols, twinkly lights, trees with tacky ornaments, roaming reindeer – oh, Santa too - the only conclusion could be Christmas on planet Earth.

Time to warp a time zone far away into the future – last year’s ‘Carol singers will be CRITISIZED’ sign had led to a romantic pickle and feelings were still raw.

But times change. And this time things were different.

The Doctor peered out into the falling snow and saw a queue of people. Men, women, young and old…

They were chanting, ‘Doctor, we need you… let us have it…we want what you have…’

The Doctor stood baffled and went back to the TARDIS console. What was this? A dystopian and alternative future?

The console just fuddled about a bit: ‘I’ve brought you where you need to be’.

The Doctor stepped outside again. ‘What do you want? What can I give you? How can I save you?’

All gazes were pointed in the Doctor’s direction.

Confused, but wanting to understand, the Doctor looked back, trying to read their expressions.


‘What?’ Said the Timelord.


‘Shut up. Stop bleeping. Now is not the time. We have to do a Christmas Special for the BBC’, the Doctor said to the sonic screwdriver in the top left pocket.


‘Not now! I have a planet to save!’

And the voices kept coming… ‘Doctor, we need you… let us have it…we want what you have…’

The Doctor paused… all gazes were on that jacket pocket. It added a ‘buzz’ to the ‘bleep’.

‘Oh… right! I get it! You need saving but not in the way I thought!’

The Doctor ran back into the TARDIS, grabbing every single sonic screw driver previous selves had used.

‘Here you go! All yours!’ And the Doctor threw them all out into the crowds. ‘You can use them however you like! Solve crimes, have intergalactic sex, create universal peace and still have intergalactic sex, break through doors – that could mean lots of things on Earth just now and still involve intergalactic sex…! Enjoy and do something good with it all!’

The Doctor watched the gleeful crowd for a moment, then stepped back in the TARDIS and flew away… for a while.

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There once was a glass dildo who sat on a wall. The glass dildo had a big fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put the glass dildo together again. Then the kings Queen had ago and she is glad that she did, she got the glass toy together again and she lived happily ever after.the end.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, with snow falling outside and all was quiet throughout the house. Just a slight noise could be heard, some might mistake it for a mouse. But it was just an eager beaver, who just couldn’t wait. She had unwrapped her present and was testing me out. She had seen the movie and in her red room was where we first met. I reach all the right spots, G is just one and have the best features that turn her on. I come with a girth that makes Santa feel proud, as I fill her needs whilst my ears buzz away. I tickle her button, the one that drives her crazy but in the “good” crazy way. Once play time is over my noise fades away, just deep breathing and panting is the sounds from her room, as the night goes by, all that can be heard is the snow falling outside and maybe that mouse.

Dear Lovehoney, Thanks for recommending me. I didn’t quite fit under his Christmas tree, so went straight to his bed. My man cuddles up to me and snuggles at night as I keep him warm and comfortable. I make him happy and tend to his needs and together, we make such a cute couple. I love my man and my new home. Lots of Love, Roxy xxx

The factory was buzzing with energy and Christmas magic. The elves rushed around busily, putting the finishing touches to a million toys. Meanwhile, Santa looked down from his office, beaming with festive cheer. He looked over the long list of presents one final time, making sure every gift was accounted for.

“Hang about!”, he cried. “We’ve forgotten Mrs defam from the UK. We had a very polite letter saying that she’d been very well behaved all year. She wants to find the best toy underneath her Christmas tree.”

“Don’t fret,” said Mrs Claus, overhearing her husband’s problem. She had been working behind the scenes, solving all the trickier dilemmas and making Christmas run on schedule. “This is a job for our Lovehoney elves, I think.”

Marching to the far corner of the Christmas head office, Mrs Claus picked up a cup on a string. A distant jingle of sleigh bells could just be heard. It might seem that a cup on a string is a bad way to make a long-distance phone call – but the sorcery of Santa carried Mrs Claus’s voice down the string, away from the North Pole, and halfway across the globe.

Some distance away, in the picturesque town of Bath, sleigh bells got louder and louder. Snow was flurrying against the windows, and an honourary Christmas elf named Brenna was busy making her own preparations for the big day. She leapt up from her office chair, as the direct line from the North Pole sounded.

“Mrs Claus, what can I do for you?”, asked Brenna.

“We’ve almost left a Christmas letter go unanswered,” explained Mrs Claus. “We need something extra special to keep the wonder of the season in this poor woman’s playtime. I’ll send some festive spirit down the line, and let you work the Christmas miracle.”

Without further ado, Brenna the honourary elf waved the nearest Doxy wand in front of the cup, as glittery, mysterious dust piped itself from Santa’s grotto. The Doxy wand transformed into a vibrating candy cane, with a dusting of glittery snow, and a vibration pattern to the tune of “Jingle Bells”.

“I’m happy to report that the gift is ready!”, announced Brenna. “We can send it on the Lovehoney sleigh, and the reindeers will get it delivered in time – tracked but not signed for.”

And so the orgasmic magic of Christmas was saved for another year!

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Twas the night after christmas when all throught the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse . the reindeer were sleeping all snug in there beds whilst visions of naughty things danced in there heads Santa was settled for a long winters nap when he was startled to hear such a clatter .He rushed to the kitchen what was the matter and there hidden among the dishes were the letters with the reindeers christmas wishes . He read them all carefully and knew where to go off to the love Honey warehouse without disturbing the snow .

Rapidly he shopped as he was expert in his game putting a tick by each reindeers name

A red dom mask for Dancer ,for Dancer a rabit a G spot vibe for Vixens fave habit. A vibrating cock ring for Commet wiil do Cuupid she wishes for a bejeweled clit clip too Prancer desires a plus size baby doll and for Dancer a butt plug thats not all For Rudolph the leader who always is randy some remote control love eggs will always be handy. Santa put the toys safe in his sack paid all that was due and swiftly made his way back .

Twas the night after Christmas and in Santas house there was giggling buzzing and moans that woke up the mouse santa was happy as he sat by the fire his reindeer were happy but what sparked his desire was his wifes face as the vibes start to flicker as he teased with the remote to her vibrating knicker

Merry Sexmass to all and to all a good night x

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It was that magical time of year that she spent with family and friends, she was playing hostess this year. So the box of toys stayed in the dark quietly waiting for her to play with them again. As the hours turned into days a few of the toys began to lose hope. As the new year was approaching and the sales had started all they could do was wait. Finally they heard the door slam shut it was the last of the goodbyes. She's along at last one of the toys gasped and gave out a buzz of joy. As the footsteps could be heard running up the stairs and into the room, the toys layed still with anticipation. All of sudden the draw opened they could see her sexy smile peering down at them. A few toys where selected and they had so much fun they thought they made the world explode with a bang. As the returned to the draw tired and weary they had a new friend with them from Lovehoney. The new toy had been made to feel welcome and loved and the toys all agreed that the year 2020 was started off with bang.

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As the sacks of toys were loaded onto the sleigh an excited chattering could be heard through the thin walls of each wrapping-clad box. "It's tonight!", "Tonight is here at last!", "I'm so freaking excited!", "I can't wait to be under a tree!" The toys were clearly very, very excited.

And it didn't end there. They kept talking in the sleigh, and they kept talking as they took off. And they kept talking as they flew towards the bright lights and warm fires of the welcoming Christmas chimneys and the waiting Christmas Trees.

They talked all over Asia, and they talked all over Africa, and they talked from the tip of South America all the way to the top of the Canadian Yukon. They were still talking as they flew over Australia (and New Zealand), and they kept on talking from Ireland to Iberia, Sweden to Serbia, Poland to Penzance, and everywhere and anywhere inbetween.

But as each gift was delivered there was one less voice to be heard, and as the night drew on there were fewer, and fewer, and fewer. Until there was just one voice left...

"Hello?" he asked, "Hello?" But there was no answer. After a while he started to become a little worried. Where had all the other toys gone? Could they all have been delivered already? And if they had why had he been left behind? The more he thought about it the more worried he became. It all it got a bit too much for him and he began to cry softly, with big fat tears rolling down his rippled face.

Santa heard this gentle weeping and pulled the box from the sack and sat it next to him on the seat of the sleigh. "Don't cry," he said kindly, as he peeled off the wrapping paper. "There's no need to cry. For tonight is Christmas Eve, and the world is full to bursting of magic and good fortune. Tell me, little one, what has upset you so?"

"Oh Santa," the toy sighed, "It was so quiet and lonely back there all on my own. I thought you'd forgotten about me, and it made me so very sad." His eyes filled with tears once more, and his bottom lip began to tremble.

"Ho, Ho, Ho! There's no need to fear." Santa said comfortingly in his deep, rich voice. "You, my little friend, are the most special toy of all, for you are my toy." he continued, pulling him closer to him on the seat.

"Oh Santa! That's the best thing I could ever hear!", he said, as his little ribbed chest swelled with pride.

"Merry Christmas American Bombshell!"

"Merry Christmas Santa!"

"And Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!" Santa declared. And with the tinkling of bells, and the sound of hooves hitting sky, away they were gone...