This is something I had never heard of until last week when something approached me asking if I am a domme who does such things.
I was curious about such an unusual fetish so I looked it up and WOW! What a world that is!
Has anyone else came across this or participated in this? What's your view on it?
If its consensual then as with anything go ahead. I know blackmail is illegal but the fact it's with consent seems fine to me.
Having said that, it's not for me
No not one for me...I know a few Fem Doms that do it though... I can never get my head around it though.... where does the domination finish and just ripping someone off start? I think this is where the trust in your Dom comes into it and learning to get to know them before you do it...
A good Dom would never rip someone off, it's all about trust and respect, and more important consent. As long as everything is consented to then I don't have a problem at all with it. It's not my business what turns other people on. But I don't think the financial domination is that big of a deal, most couples come to some sort of agreement with regards to finances, so it's not that much different, apart from the psychological aspect. But again, as long as there's full consent then it's not an issue.
After having said this isn't for me, I've been thinking about this, and perhaps we already do this in a very low level manner.
One of the ways I try to please Mistress is by buying her gifts (some call them tributes).
Also she takes me shopping to buy her things with my money.
FinDom is actually rather hard, many people say they want to gift a Domme with money etc, but after they have gone through the proper interview with the Domme they back-out. Many basically just seem it as a fantasy and never take it further. I learned very quickly to get the to gift me or pay first, before giving them my time.
I've only really met a few devoted pay piggies. Luckily I own one, but he's not a rich sub sadly, but I can spend his money however I see fit. The money doesn't just on onto just anything bu5t I use it in ways which fulfil his fetishes.. Although as I own him too, I make sure he puts some of it into food etc, to satify his desire to please me I do this by making hinm pay for my lunch etc. Before he was in service to a place that over worked him and didn't give him time to eat, which isn't good. Basically his money, I use to keep him psychologically and phsyically healthy.
Others send gifts, in return I send them a photo and email informing them how the item brings me joy and that it's helping towards my lifestyle.Many who take part in FinDom desire to live a lifestyle they can't but I can live out for them, in ways it makes them feel as if their fantasies have come true through me.
It's very interesting and can make many very happy, and if done correctly the client will not be taken advantage of, now will the Domme.
I would certainly like to learn more about it. As a psychologist, the reasons behind it fascinate me and as a young woman branching out into the fetish world, I'd love to experiment and see what is/isn't for me.
This is something that has oddly always interested me since I found out about it. I think it would be something I'd be rather good at after reading Lady Ness's comments, as my initial thought was I would always make sure they had enough for rent/utilities/car/food etc and then the rest would be an aggreement made before hand as to how it would be used to fulfill their desires. It's not something that's easy to find out more details about or how to go about getting into it for the first time either.
I also forgot, that you have to be careful if you are doing any adult work and someone is supporting you with money (such as paying your rent, or other bills), as it can be classed as pimping out. Bu it's tricky.
Plus I've been told that some forms of it can interfere with benefits, but again, I'm not completely sure how much is really effected etc.
Complicated really.
There is no way I'll ever let somebody else control my money let alone blackmail me with it. I've certainly met people who would love to do just that.
For people who do engage in such activity it seems like a high risk way to get turned on. Each to their own I guess.
It's not always done for the sexcual turn-on side, sometimes it's to explore other areas in life they normally can't.
Often it's either business men or married men, who take part in it, because normally they feel they have to be in a lot of control with moeny when in those roles.
Flaneur, it's not necessarily something that turns someone on like Lady Ness said. Some people just love to relinquish control in all forms. Say for example someone has a highly stressful business life, and things get on top of them because they're always working. Some people love not having control when in their professional lives they have a lot of stressful responsibilities. I know there's definitely times when my husband needs a break from this sort of hectic lifestyle, but some people choose to do it in a different way. Some people want to hHe some of the responsibilities in life taken away from them, giving someone all of your finances to deal with is one of the ways you can reduce responsibility.
You sound very negative in your responses, and I feel like I must point out that genrally, this isn't demanded of someone. This is fully consensual and something that people really enjoy. It's not something that is very nasty or bullying-like, it's just acted out a bit like that to get the thrill out of it. But if someone seriously said "I can't do this anymore I want control of my own money again", any responsible Dom would oblige to that. It's really not as bad as you think, this is something that some people just enjoy. Whatever floats your boat is my motto!
I agree with MrsMc in the above comment.
I am a dominant female in my relationship, but neither of us have tried Fin Dom. So I don't really have any experience to add here, but I did want to add some thoughts:
I feel that you should only become involved in financial domination with someone you truly trust. This should seem obvious - but I have been approached by complete strangers and asked! In their desperation to experience their desires, some people rush to the end goal and many can get screwed over. Be careful people!
Secondly, I think the dominant in this role has a responsibility to think foremost of the person she is domming here and understand this is hard work. Unfortunately, I have seen at least one person who just had ££ signs in their eyes and had given no thought to the real process here, to the work it would entail. (As Ness said It is hard work.) Building a trusting connection with someone over the long term, working with them to ensure they are getting the experience they want (And I dont know many people who would be happy to just donate money to someone they have no connection with, or someone who did not fulfill their sub needs) and also to ensure the D type uses their power to not screw them over. I mean, you need to have your thoughts on controlling another persons financial life to the benefit of that person as well as building and maintaining this connection.
I have seen that get overlooked. I knew one young lady in particular who got into Fin Dom solely because the idea of money flowing in to spend on herself, which was her main focus. I don't know if she was successful but I am guessing, or hoping not!
As I said I have no experience of this, aside from seeing it around me generally and using my own logic. Maybe Ness can correct me, but I do feel that FinDom, like any other form of domination, is a two way street. He (or she) gives up financial control to their dominant, but expect in return to be treated with respect, to be dominated in such a way that fulfills their needs and to have trust, communication and a connection.
Other than finding the right person (on both sides of the equation) and using your own head to avoid getting into bad situations, I think that financial domination is simply another form of submitting control to another. It moves into an area where the control is higher and the risk is higher and it is no longer just bedroom play. This might be part of the attraction. Its a lifestyle and one that some people CRAVE to experience and why shouldnt they? It is their money, their life and if this makes them happy (Which is CLEARLY does otherwise they would not seek it) then whats the harm. All I would say is the higher the risk to you, the more you should trust and connect with the person you are involved with.
I think some people do not understand how freeing, or how much of a relief this form of domination is for the person giving up control. Maybe its because there are stereotypes of the "gold digging" woman and the poor sap who will give her anything, so she takes the piss and takes advantage and he doesnt even see it. In FInDom, the sub KNOWS the deal and WANTS to worship his dominant and have her TAKE this control from him and use it as she wishes (Hopefully to the benefit of both of them) They set up agreements beforehand. He knows what he gets in return. In other words: Both parties CONSENT to it.
Like MrsMc said: Whatever floats your boat! xx
ShannonMarlene wrote:
This is something I had never heard of until last week when something approached me asking if I am a domme who does such things.
I was curious about such an unusual fetish so I looked it up and WOW! What a world that is!Has anyone else came across this or participated in this? What's your view on it?
There is no such thing as 'consensual blackmail'. Blackmail is defined as 'an unwarranted demand with menaces', and if it's all consensual then the demands are not unwarranted.
'Consensual blackmail' is a get-out that dominants think they can use to avoid any legal penalty if they carry on the game after the submissive wants it to end. Not so. As soon as the sub wants out, the demands become unwarranted, and - agreement or no agreement - that's illegal blackmail. No matter how you word it, no agreement is above the law.
If a dominant and a submissive really want to enter into some kind of blackmail relationship in which the submissive can't get out, then they would have to do it in a particular way (and I'm not going to describe that here because that would be tantamount to encouraging an illegal act).
Financial domination...well, since all financial dominants seem to do is hold their hand out for money, take the money, go away and come back a week/month later for some more, I really can't see the point in it. It's really rather more like financial milking than financial domination - and if a person just wants to give money away then I'm sure the tax office would gladly oblige. Or any number of worthy charities.
(It may be obvious that I have a very dim view of the BDSM community, having explored it in some detail!)
malechauvinist wrote:
ShannonMarlene wrote:
This is something I had never heard of until last week when something approached me asking if I am a domme who does such things.
I was curious about such an unusual fetish so I looked it up and WOW! What a world that is!Has anyone else came across this or participated in this? What's your view on it?
There is no such thing as 'consensual blackmail'. Blackmail is defined as 'an unwarranted demand with menaces', and if it's all consensual then the demands are not unwarranted.
'Consensual blackmail' is a get-out that dominants think they can use to avoid any legal penalty if they carry on the game after the submissive wants it to end. Not so. As soon as the sub wants out, the demands become unwarranted, and - agreement or no agreement - that's illegal blackmail. No matter how you word it, no agreement is above the law.
If a dominant and a submissive really want to enter into some kind of blackmail relationship in which the submissive can't get out, then they would have to do it in a particular way (and I'm not going to describe that here because that would be tantamount to encouraging an illegal act).
Financial domination...well, since all financial dominants seem to do is hold their hand out for money, take the money, go away and come back a week/month later for some more, I really can't see the point in it. It's really rather more like financial milking than financial domination - and if a person just wants to give money away then I'm sure the tax office would gladly oblige. Or any number of worthy charities.
(It may be obvious that I have a very dim view of the BDSM community, having explored it in some detail!)
And a dim view of women...and dating sites...and female oral sex skills. (So it would seem from your previous posts anyways) XD
I believe in the self fulfilling prophecy - That if you have little faith or belief in people, or things, and expect them to be bad, they probably will be. That if you go looking for the bad, you will find it everywhere and it will just reinforce your beliefs and repeat the cycle. If you only see the "good" as a surprise or one-off...it will remain that way.
Unfortunately there will be financial dommes who act exactly like you described, but I suspect the men wishing to be financially dominanted would back away from any situation where their needs were not met. In other words, it could be the guys desire to be treated in exactly that way and if so, the two are giving to each other what the other wants. It is a consentual exchange. I doubt any guy or woman would take part in a one sided daylight robbery. The point of it, for these people who enjoy FinDom, is varied but the basic is two people getting their needs and/or fantasies met. I think that is the key: Consent. On both sides of the coin, for the situation to happen.
It is not really for anyone to judge how another person gets their kicks, so long as it is consentual and legal obviously! lol YKINMK and all that.
I'm not completely against some of the things that people do for their sex lives like BDSM as I have fetishes of my own which are completely harmless to everyone and everything.
There are fetishes that are quite simply wrong regardless of what others seem to be saying. Ones which involve children and animals and unwilling victims are prime examples, some say whatever floats your boat, I say that boat is better off sinking.
flaneur wrote:
I'm not completely against some of the things that people do for their sex lives like BDSM as I have fetishes of my own which are completely harmless to everyone and everything.
There are fetishes that are quite simply wrong regardless of what others seem to be saying. Ones which involve children and animals and unwilling victims are prime examples, some say whatever floats your boat, I say that boat is better off sinking.
I think most people would agree here. (Including BDSM enthusiasts) Those things you list are not just wrong (Non of them are consensual)...but illegal too!
Safe, sane and consensual.
You can't assume that everyone is the same. Yes, some people just want the money but there are loads who are genuine and get aroused by it.
You shouldn't judge anyone based on their kinks and fetishes. It's nobody else's business.
So long as it's between two consenting adults, then nothing is wrong.
Also, financial domination is all about power, not money.
Financial Domination and Consensual Blackmail work together but are not the same thing. First I will say that those that have a low opinion of financial domination shouldn't judge. It is a powerful thing and can be fun and work great! Money is power so it isn't a whole lot different than other areas of D/s. There are plenty of "Dommes," that do just stick out their hands and don't understand the dynamic beyond recieving money. Those usually do it for a short period and are gone. Also, take into account the number of guys that are into being dominated by a woman (or man if thats the case) and the number of Women that are happy to indulge you will find way more subs than Dommes and for many a non-financial domme relation is very hard to find given the assumed "perverse" nature of it all. These ladies are in high demand so it will always follow that they will charge.
As for consensual blackmail, I kind of have a problem with the name of it. "Blackmail" is a sexy word in domination so it sticks. I would rather call it something like an "information exchange," or "motivational obediance." A good domme will be sure that things are negotiated before this game begins such as limits, fetishes and activities, and of course money, "buy outs," are also arranged so that you have a way of ending things. Those of us that are into this stuff see consensual blackmail are really just looking for a domme to nudge us into doing things we already want to do, but wimp out. It's a great and powerful form of obediance and does not always need to be about money and flows easy with all aspects of a D/s relationship. Having consequences makes it that much more real. Myself, I haven't jumped into this, but I have the fantasy. Fantasy and reality are 2 veru different things though so most people can't handle the reality.
It really does require a lot of trust which is why I haven't indulged. Don't just jump into it. You need to find someone that really knows what they are doing, but that doesn't come cheap. The reality of it is why it is such a turn on. I speak for myself, but a lot of us subs need good sense of reality in order to really get off. I have an example of this : I have tried D/s phone sex before. It can be good with a phone mistress but, for me,I didn't enjoy it so much because my mind knows that the person I am talking to doesn't match the porn star photo on the phone sex site. Nothing against the person I am talking to but it is something that doesn't leave my mind. Also, one off sessions don't work for me either because being dominated requires (again, in My mind) a continuing relastionship.