Hi all, we're new here but enjoying everything that Lovehoney has to offer. We're a (I suppose) middle aged couple, married for 30 years. Still love each other to bits and starting to rediscover each other after a couple of years in the sexual wilderness. The thing that strikes me most on here is the amount of people into BDSM and anal sex. I'm not at all saying that that's a bad thing (each to his or her own).....I was just wondering how many couples there are out there who enjoy a good kiss & cuddle and a bit of sexy dressing up. Maybe some nice candles and some soft music......or am I a bit vanilla ?
I would say you are indeed 'a bit vanilla', but that is not a derogatory term at all! :)
Can't beat good old cuddling and general intimacy imo. Whatever sexy, kinky stuff we do it just doesn't replace the vanilla or laid back stuff. Variety is good and it keeps things fresh and exciting, but I for one would never be willing to give up plain and simple intimacy for all the kinkiness in the world!
In my relationship kissing n cuddling is so important :)
I'm sure most people that are into anal and bdsm are still into kisses and cuddling too :) Though that being sd yes, we are in bdsm and anal too... But we still do kisses cuddles and just regular vanilla sex with just me and him and nothing else :) though if you haven't tried spanking I highly recommend LH two-sided purple satin paddle as it's really good fun ;) and isn't overly scary looking x
Welcome to the forums x
Agreed - as much as I am into exploring the 'dark' side - you cant beat the kissing and cuddling and romance.
I have found that after a BDSM style session I am always more intimate and romantic
Plain old cuddling and kissing for us all the way + a bit of toy fun. We might be a bit "vanilla" as a couple, but we don't mind :)
Cuddling and kissing all the way for us any day 
Me
Wow thanks for that everyone, as I said each to their own.........maybe we are a bit vanilla, but to be honest........that's ok. I'm off to give Mrs P a right good snuggle & maybe stroke her stockings...oh matron !!! hahaha
The great things about relationships is that every one of them is differnt. What works for one couple won't work for someone else and vice versa. It sounds like you have a very loving healthy relationship!
What you need to look at is the audience that you're asking. If you went onto a forum that was just for romantic couples for example, then a lot of them maybe wouldn't entertain the idea of anal sex and bdsm. However, this is a forum on a website of a sex toy retailer so the majority of the people on here are a little bit kinky!
Personally, in my marriage its not uncommon for us to participate in some BDSM and anal sex. But this is just a small aspect of our relationship. 80% of the time we enjoy normal "vanilla" sex and just being close with each other and enjoying each other in its purest form. We enjoy candles and massages, rose pettles, massage stones, kissing, cuddling, staying up all night talking, going for romantic meals. Everything that a loving couple does, but now and then we like to spice things up and do something a little differnt to keep that spark alive. I like buying fancy outfits and dressing up for my husband, and we also like occasionally having anal sex and some BDSM. But it's not like we're this super kinky couple and we have a sex dungeon or any of that! We just wanted to try new things, and I think it's really solidified our relationship and helped us learn a lot about each other's bodies.
We started off with using sex toys and tried out a beginners kit, then we enjoyed it, had a lot of fun and moved onto something else, and something else. We started with a blindfold and some soft restrains having my hands tied above my head and we both really enjoyed it so we started trying some other things. I wouldn't consider anything that we do so be hard BDSM, but any form of BDSM in a loving consenting relationship isn't a bad thing.
When it comes to anal sex, this is something that I was never ever interested in, but like the majority of men, my husband was interested. I'm always of the opinion that I'll try anything once, so we decided to give it a go and I really enjoyed it. I really didn't think that I would, but the amount of nerve endings there are amazing and it makes everything more sensitive. We bought a vibrating egg, and have anal sex while using the vibrating egg and its incredibly enjoyable for me. So if I enjoy it so much and get pleasure out of doing it then I don't see it as a bad thing. I sometimes use butt plugs too, this is because when we're having sex and I'm wearing one (just a little one), it makes my vaginal canal smaller and tighter and it stimulates my husband more. For me, it angles his penis away from the back of my wall and pushes him right into my g-spot which also feels really good...so why not?
Obviously this isn't the type of thing we go around shouting about, and to anyone we know we're probably the lovely little family with a nice house, and people probably wouldn't dream we would do such things. I think BDSM and anal sex tends to have a taboo around it that its wrong and its dirty but for us it's just something that we get pleasure from and we're both consenting adults in an extremely healthy and loving relationship so why not?
Exploring ourselves and each other has brought us so much closer together and we've neber been more in love. I constantly thank lovehoney for their great products, customer care and forum members full of great advice for the huge imrpovement in our sex life since we started opening up more with each other.
I'm not saying this is what every couple should do, but just do what you enjoy and what feels good regardless of any taboos :)
Like everyone else has said so far, the kinky things we do doesn't replace the "vanilla" side to our relationship. For us cuddling and kissing is just as/if not more important than all sex in general, without that intamacy I doubt we would be half as comfortable doing any of the kinky stuff.
Our relationship started off very "vanilla" as it's put, without any kinks or fetishes, but as we got to know each other better sexually we discovered that we both were interested in trying certain things. After a few experiences together we decided to have a conversation about things that we wanted to try and took it from there, which has led us to a better understanding of each other outside the bedroom too.
Although we have a lot of fun with the kinkier stuff we do we would never allow it to replace the day to day intamacy in our relationship and neither of us expect the other to do anything they don't want to. :)
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a bit vanilla.Me and my OH have also been married a long time and in the last few years have become a lot more experimental with different things but I still really enjoy kissing and cuddling.
In fact I probably rate kissing as my biggest turn on. It's nice to try out new stuff sexually but nothing beats the closeness of just touching ,stroking and holding your partner close and I think kissing is one of the most intimate things you can share:)
A cuddle and a great kiss are fantastic. Sex with your o/h is nothing without a good snog.
MrsMcX wrote:
The great things about relationships is that every one of them is differnt. What works for one couple won't work for someone else and vice versa. It sounds like you have a very loving healthy relationship!
What you need to look at is the audience that you're asking. If you went onto a forum that was just for romantic couples for example, then a lot of them maybe wouldn't entertain the idea of anal sex and bdsm. However, this is a forum on a website of a sex toy retailer so the majority of the people on here are a little bit kinky!
Personally, in my marriage its not uncommon for us to participate in some BDSM and anal sex. But this is just a small aspect of our relationship. 80% of the time we enjoy normal "vanilla" sex and just being close with each other and enjoying each other in its purest form. We enjoy candles and massages, rose pettles, massage stones, kissing, cuddling, staying up all night talking, going for romantic meals. Everything that a loving couple does, but now and then we like to spice things up and do something a little differnt to keep that spark alive. I like buying fancy outfits and dressing up for my husband, and we also like occasionally having anal sex and some BDSM. But it's not like we're this super kinky couple and we have a sex dungeon or any of that! We just wanted to try new things, and I think it's really solidified our relationship and helped us learn a lot about each other's bodies.
We started off with using sex toys and tried out a beginners kit, then we enjoyed it, had a lot of fun and moved onto something else, and something else. We started with a blindfold and some soft restrains having my hands tied above my head and we both really enjoyed it so we started trying some other things. I wouldn't consider anything that we do so be hard BDSM, but any form of BDSM in a loving consenting relationship isn't a bad thing.
When it comes to anal sex, this is something that I was never ever interested in, but like the majority of men, my husband was interested. I'm always of the opinion that I'll try anything once, so we decided to give it a go and I really enjoyed it. I really didn't think that I would, but the amount of nerve endings there are amazing and it makes everything more sensitive. We bought a vibrating egg, and have anal sex while using the vibrating egg and its incredibly enjoyable for me. So if I enjoy it so much and get pleasure out of doing it then I don't see it as a bad thing. I sometimes use butt plugs too, this is because when we're having sex and I'm wearing one (just a little one), it makes my vaginal canal smaller and tighter and it stimulates my husband more. For me, it angles his penis away from the back of my wall and pushes him right into my g-spot which also feels really good...so why not?
Obviously this isn't the type of thing we go around shouting about, and to anyone we know we're probably the lovely little family with a nice house, and people probably wouldn't dream we would do such things. I think BDSM and anal sex tends to have a taboo around it that its wrong and its dirty but for us it's just something that we get pleasure from and we're both consenting adults in an extremely healthy and loving relationship so why not?
Exploring ourselves and each other has brought us so much closer together and we've neber been more in love. I constantly thank lovehoney for their great products, customer care and forum members full of great advice for the huge imrpovement in our sex life since we started opening up more with each other.
I'm not saying this is what every couple should do, but just do what you enjoy and what feels good regardless of any taboos :)
Brilliant post Mrs, completely agree :)
We probably don't do enough. I'm sure cuddling has health benefits. Although we cuddle more than full-on kissing which is almost completely reserved for sexy time.
I like both though. Nothing like finding your perfect snog match when your mouths and movements fit together perfectly.
There used to be more vanilla members but the harder it gets to find relevant threads, the more our participation drops off. LH did a lot of couples promotions a while back, then BDSM & Fifty Shades, then butt plugs, now more BDSM and all of that will be influencing what's talked about in the forums. Maybe you can get some threads going that interest the kinky majority. Mine have never caught on. Fortunately you're part of a couple so you'll have a better chance of finding threads you can participate in than those of us who are single as well as vanilla.
But get used to posts that inadvertently equate vanilla with boring or bland and people singing the praises of spanking and anal no matter what the subject is. It's just the way it goes right now.
I don't think that's a fair comment to make rose. I personally think that lately lovehoney have been making an effort to attract new customers and have more deals on offer for beginners sex toys. I notice that you made a comment similar to this a couple of days ago, is it not just a case of noticing the anal things and BDSM things more because it's a topic that seems to be annoying you at the minute? Like at the minute I have a limited edition car, I thought mine was the only one in my area because I'd never seen one before, but now I have one I keep seeing this one car exaxtly like mine. Or when I was pregnant I would notice pregnant people everywhere, but no I don't notice it.
I don't think people sing the praises of anal or spanking, in fact I haven't noticed a thread about spanking in a very long time. But as I said, it's the audience that you're targetting, this is a sex toy retailer forum, the majority of people who are taking part in this forum are going to be people who use sex toys and talk about them. I don't think I've ever seen anyone post that someone who is in a "vanilla" relationship is boring because that's just highly offensive. I would even take offence to it because for many many years me and my husband had a "vanilla" relationship. I think maybe you're just noticing things a bit too much and taking some things to heart that aren't meant to be portrayed that way xx
Also, to be totally honest I would consider people who use sex toys not to be vanilla at all, and from looking through the products you own and have reviewed I certainly wouldn't class you as being vanilla. I would say that you're pretty kinky yourself :)
Me and my partner like a little bit of BDSM and we have anal sex every now and then,
but we also love having a good kiss and cuddle, and candles and soft romantic music even more. Oh and I love to dress up for him 😉
I like a kiss and cuddle in private but hate public displays of affection. Hubby is allowed a quick peck or hug in public but that's it.