I've recently met the most wonderful partner and, as we are both very sexual people, the sexual side of our relationship blossomed very quickly. We discussed what we like and dislike and I discovered he is a 'switch', someone who likes being both dominant and submissive.
Until we tried me being dominant and him being submissive I had no idea I was also a 'switch', I loved dominating him! However, most of the time he dominates me, which I think I enjoy. The last time we played together it was quite unejoyable for me, as I didn't feel in the mood for dominance or submission, so I really killed the scene with my reluctant-ness. We talked about it afterwards and decided we perhaps need better communication about which partner wants what when it comes to sex.
My question is, how do other D/s couples handle the power play? Does anyone else have a 'switch' relationship? How do you play when both partners want to be dominant or submissive? This is totally new to me, but incredibly exciting, and I just really want to better understand the relationship I'm involved in :)
With my Dom, I used to be purely submissive to him, but I would often in a cheeky way steal a spanking implement off him when his back was turned and give him a cheeky swat. He would respond to this by going into dom mode and I would be in trouble, it was almost like an unspoken pre arraged agreement.
Yet the other day I spanked him, and he didn't tell me to stop so I carried on. We both found the experience a little odd, although enjoyable.
In the end we found it worked best that he stayed the Dom, most of the time as we both generally prefer this, but if I wanted to be a little dominant, I would be cheeky or play up a little as the sub and he could respond by either backing down a little or by going into big mean Dom mode. lol. This works for me as I am always happy to sub, and more curious about being Domme.
I think that it may be worth talking about finding a way to relay to eachother your feelings about being Dom or sub at the time, without each time having to go into a lengthly conversation about it each time and killing the mood.
Having a Dom/sub or swithc nature can add a great dimension to a sexual relationship, however just because you enjoy that scene, it doesnt have to define your sex life forever more. If you were not in the mood for it then fair enough.
Best to have a conversation about it and enjoy exploring this avenue, but dont forget during your exploration that it is by no means a path of no return!
Sometimes in the morning, one of us will just say, were having a kinky session tonight and its my turn to be dom/sub, that simple. However if we set up something as a surprise for the other then its how we find the other. For example if I walk in and she's dressed in a certain outfit and she's on her knees, then she's the sub, but if she's dressed in another outfit and stood up, then she's dom. And I'll do similar to show her if I'm dom or sub. It works for us.
My fella is the Dom & for mee to know the difference from 'love making' to 'kinkky play' he will either txt giving me warning of what is expected of me or tell me to go to the bedroom & resume the poistion. When its love making it just happens so we have a clear line of what is expect . Have fun enjoy and talk about it always
I've personally never found it difficult to switch between "vanilla" abd dom/sub play. Sometimes I just am not in mood for it so just say and have "vanilla" play. I do find if I've being playing dom/sub alot then the "vanilla" side is so much more intense and fun as it becomes different. However, that is just my experience xx
Yes this is something I am trying hard for us to explore. It's tough for my wife but she is starting to get it. She is just such a natural Sub and she enjoys it. I have told I would like to feel that way too. She is starting to get there and enjoy it.
GG I'm totally new to it myself. My new partner is opening my mind up to wonderful things and it is fantastic to meet someone who is also into kink and sex toys etc, my interests are finally being indulged!
For me, opening up to being the dom was down to my partner telling me and showing me the things that turn him on when he is alone. He showed me pictures and videos he enjoys during his 'alone time' and I did a bit of research myself so I knew the right things to say and how far he wanted to go. Total honesty was really the key to fully understanding what I needed to do for him to enjoy being the sub.
I never would have thought I could be the dominant partner in the bedroom, but having a full understanding of exactly what turned him on and seeing him enjoy it so much gave me a real confidence boost. I've even started letting my mind wander to thoughts of using a strap on and tying him up etc, things I never thought I'd try in real life :)
Perhaps sharing your exact fantasises with your wife and reassuring her that A) it will be a huge turn on and B) that you'll make sure she doesn't feel uncomfortable will help her? :)
Mnms, I am so thrilled for you. Try researching prostate massage you don't need to go all the way to pegging to give exquisite pleasure. This is something my wife is know able to very skilfully that does give me that feeling of not being in control. You have to give your body over to the other person. Just tiny firm movements in just the right spot a like nothing else I've felt. We have got here by using your switch for her she is still sub but doing what I want . The extreme pleasure she is giving is in her mind submissive. She loves making me leak pre cum she sees it as a reward for pleasing me so well ( still sub mind set). I think we will need to use this angle to progress.
We talk endlessly about it , we are so happily in love. She says that I am just such a big mentally and physically guy she loves just falling into me for safety comfort and passion. Tells me there isn't a single thing that I could do to her that she wouldn't feel it was making love. We can make slow vanilla love or I can take her rough and hard she loves it all. Just needs me to do it. Even when she wants to give a BJ she prefers me to stand above her or even her to stay still and me to make love to her mouth. Recently wanted me to grab her hair and ( her words) fuck her mouth.
Why can I just not be totally satisfied with this amazingly wonderful woman. It's a very tiny part of our lives but for some reason it's just so big for me, I just know it would be amazing for her we have come such a long way together. The big issue she has expressed that it can her feel not good enough for me . This really upsets me I have tried and tried to get her to understand that will never be the case. Getting to the point that I think I might need to change and not her.
Apologies for the late reply GG, have been wanting to take a moment to think about a proper answer
I shall have to discuss prostate massagers with my OH, I feel as though a whole new world of male sex toys has been opened up to me and it excites me so much. To let a partner join in all the fun I have with sex toys and with Lovehoney is wonderful.
I have been pondering myself whether being dominant can sometimes be submissive? It seems you've found that with your wife she does dominant things but in order to please you. I know that my partner enjoys being submissive so I will be dominant in order to please him, but it is growing more and more pleasurable for me also.  My OH is also mentally and physically strong and dominant, but that is why I think submission is his kink, because it goes against his normal lifestyle.
It sounds like your wife has an immense amount of love for you and is so eager to please. Perhaps, like you said her being dominant but perceiving it as submissive may help to open up her mind and let her think about whether she would prefer to be dominant occasionally, this is certainly the case for me. But it is great that you are not pushing her, constant communication really is the key isn't it. I'm sure you will reach a happy place for both parties soon enough 