Dating how and where to start

I have joined some dating groups on Facebook as I know feel ready to have a companion and to have fun, but I'm struggling to actually chat to anyone I don't want to do a proper dating place, but I feel I have lost confidence in myself, I'm not sure if I could hold a long conversation online face to face would be easier, the groups on Facebook don't seem to have anyone in my area not even close.

How the hell am I going to get back into dating its been 18 years since I dated someone but that wasn't really dating I met her in a club both of us drunk and things moved on fast because silly me got her pregnant, I was 22 then with no fears I'm now 42 and it all seems different.

Everything seems to be online.

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I get you don't want to hold long conversations online but there's absolutely nothing stopping you from asking people you meet on tinder or okc or bumble etc. to meet up for drinks to get to know you better. It's certainly not a case of just talk online until something happens, it very much is still based on face to face interaction. So I'd give it a try.

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MK7 wrote:

I get you don't want to hold long conversations online but there's absolutely nothing stopping you from asking people you meet on tinder or okc or bumble etc. to meet up for drinks to get to know you better. It's certainly not a case of just talk online until something happens, it very much is still based on face to face interaction. So I'd give it a try.

Cheers are these sites safe, I would love to be able to go out in the town I'm now living in but sad to say I don't know anyone and even more sad I have lost a lot of confidence just to go out on my own and prop myself up in the bar, could of done that years ago.

Have you thought of joining some sort of communtiy group? A walking group or book group, for instance, National Trust or helping in a food bank / shelter. Maybe there is something you are interested in which you could volunteer for. Make it something likely to include people your age? Shared interests is still a good way of meeting people - partners or friends - without or as well as using dating apps. Your local library might have details. Part of regaining confidence is taking that first step, even though I know this can be difficult.

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teacake wrote:

MK7 wrote:

I get you don't want to hold long conversations online but there's absolutely nothing stopping you from asking people you meet on tinder or okc or bumble etc. to meet up for drinks to get to know you better. It's certainly not a case of just talk online until something happens, it very much is still based on face to face interaction. So I'd give it a try.

Cheers are these sites safe, I would love to be able to go out in the town I'm now living in but sad to say I don't know anyone and even more sad I have lost a lot of confidence just to go out on my own and prop myself up in the bar, could of done that years ago.

Bumble has the option to switch from looking for romantic partners to friends. It's a two in one (well, three in one, because it has business partners too). It's definitely the safest of the lot I think. Tinder is a little sleazier. Classic dating sites like OKC are fine.

MsR wrote:

Have you thought of joining some sort of communtiy group? A walking group or book group, for instance, National Trust or helping in a food bank / shelter. Maybe there is something you are interested in which you could volunteer for. Make it something likely to include people your age? Shared interests is still a good way of meeting people - partners or friends - without or as well as using dating apps. Your local library might have details. Part of regaining confidence is taking that first step, even though I know this can be difficult.

100% this. 👏👏👏

If you feel that your confidence is low, I'm not sure dating is necessarily going to help sort that out. Surely it might be worth doing something 'non-dating' with your time to help build up your resilience to social situations which can be a tad stressful (like meeting new people on a date, for instance).

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I dont think online dating apps is for me, people seem to match but never talk.

Maybe I’m too old for dating apps lol

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I think I’m too old for dating! Lol. Not even trodden on FB dating territory lol. Didn’t even know there was :face_with_hand_over_mouth: I remember years ago there was Zoosk on FB for dating but I’m talking 14 years ago lol

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I have read a lot of scary stories about dating sites, what with catfishing, ghosting, people not being what they claim to be, or just plain scamming. If i was in your situation i would try social activities or clubs first. I know that’s not going to be easy under current conditions. But if you do try dating apps, i’d go in with a cynical mindset.

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And that is what completely puts me off @WillC. In fact it’s just nice to talk to someone sometimes. Tbh dating is possibly the last thing on my mind. It will be for a long time but I do miss the excitement of a text from the opposite sex lol.

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@Orgasm_Chaser there is many groups on FB, I have joined them ages ago but no one is from my area anyway probably a good thing, I think I joined them mainly to talk to people.

@WillC Yes that does worry me the so called catfish, I didn’t even know what ghosting was until I became single as I only joined forums for certain things like LH.
You are right its better to meet someone in social activities rather the online world, but it’s ever so scary for me I have only had two girlfriends as I’m a long-term relationship person lol last time was when I was 22 and now I’m 43.

I’m a person who thinks friendship comes first before a relationship as in you just click with someone and go from having a good laugh with them to dating them.

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Very true! Also, i had to Google catfishing and ghosting when i first read about them!

I only knew about catfishing because I use to love watching the show with my daughter. But never heard the term ghosting.

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Just to put a different spin on it, most of my friends have met their current partners through dating apps, and I know of lots of people (of all ages) who are in happy long-term relationships from dating apps. I have also had lots of lovely safe dates from apps, and one longer term FWB.

There are obviously concerns about some aspects, and you definitely need to be safe, but I do think there are plenty of things you can do to minimise this. Things like having phone and video chats before meeting, arranging to initially meet in a busy place, having a friend you give the person’s details to and checking in throughout the date all minimise risks. I don’t see it as much different from meeting someone in person to be honest, as apart from visually seeing them (which you can do via video chat), you don’t really know someone until you date them (and even then people often put their best selves forward). This absolutely isn’t to say awful things don’t happen but trust your instincts.

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Absolutely spot on @SexInTheCity. Just one more thing to add. Please remember there are still genuine people out there! Not everyone is a catfish. Nowadays people are quite ‘straight up’ on their Bio. Whether they just want a hook up or something more.

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