So we love to include a bit of mild and strictly-for-fun humiliation role play some times, be it our sploshing or my lingerie-wearing. Both have a bit of a “I look so stupid” aspect to them, more so if it’s instigated or directed by the other party.
But OH’s was having a “girly chat over coffee” with a colleague who confessed to liking light BDSM including what she called “degradation play”.
Is humiliation degrading and is degradation humiliating?
Got us thinking. Is there actually a difference?
(Disclaimer - any humiliation play we engage in is strictly consensual!)
Wife really loves degradation play: being called my slut, only good for taking/sucking my cock, you’re so filthy and desperate for my cum - that kind of thing.
But she’s not got much interest in anything that would be embarrassing to her or fall under humiliation.
And your mileage may vary, but we have some things that are off limits, spoken or unspoken. Top of mind for us is that I would never include “stupid” or “fat” alongside other degrading language. I can tell her the only thing she’s good for is being covered in cum, but I’ll never can her a “stupid slut.”
Sorry, missed one of your questions, so to add… degradation is a form of humiliation, but not all humiliation is degradation. There of course are levels to both.
Same as how all bourbon is whiskey, but not all whiskey is bourbon.
One of the biggest mistakes I hear that many people new to things like this is to assume that one size fits all. Eg you like degradation? That means I can say whatever I want to you or call you every name under the sun, and while you’re down there lick my shoes.
Boundaries as you say is crucial as is having a basic understanding of what the other person gets from it. Without having clear and open conversation you’re really setting yourself up for failure.
I had a drunken conversation once with a colleague who told me she agreed to being her partner’s ‘sex slave’ (it was early in the relationship). Long story short he clearly took this to mean she would do / he could do whatever he wanted without question. One day he randomly brought one of his male friends back for a surprise threesome. She didn’t do it. They broke up shortly after. True story.
Interesting views and pretty much aligned with my way of thinking.
Our splosh kink is probably more about humiliation (sometimes, not always), and my lingerie wearing sometimes encompasses humiliation especially if my OH instructs me what to wear.
I think when it comes to degradation-play it’s been mostly driven by talking dirty to one another. We’ve said some horrid things (within role play) which under any other circumstances would probably end a relationship. If OH is taking a lead for example she often chastises me and implies she’s just using me which, bizarrely, makes the sex all the more satisfying and enthusiastic. I think the “worst” I ever came up with was telling her “My cock’s going in one end of you or the other, don’t mind which, but as I’m feeling generous I’ll let you choose”
It felt incredibly wrong but also a real thrill and OH actually gasped at the thought. Can’t say I’ve ever gone there again
I’d say they both are very much the same thing although have always thought degrading is something done to make the other person feel bad and make a scene of, while humiliation is more of a lighter form to embarrass someone that can either be done purposely to you or naturally happen by a chain of events…
Best way to really find out is to look them up and see what their definitions are
Not into humiliation, but a little degradation can be good. Like others, we go further in role play than we do as us. I love that “the only thing the x of a pathetic desperate slut like you is good for is y” type stuff, and then obviously, y happens etc.
I’m going to offer an interesting take here, as much as I hate that word: I am a former humiliatrix who is quite proficient in humiliation play (I can gladly say that two of four tried to come back and one more recent called me her “favourite” Dom], but as a submissive I enjoy degradation. My submissives were into things that were actively “silly”, actively humuliating or embarrassing, like wearing a uniform in public or forced feminisation and forced orgasm, where I would then humiliate them for cumming too soon (the sadist in me loves that one).
As a submissive, however, the one thing that I am very sensitive about is being made a fool out of - I am fine with degradation (I’m very type A by day, like a lot of submissives are) but not humiliation. I am fine with being referred to as a submissive, slave, pet etc but a partner who tells me that I got a drinks order wrong just to humiliate me in front of their guests is going to wind up wearing the lot.
Well then I’d say that’s the answer! They both are of a same context but maybe of a different look upon… in my mind I see degrading someone comes with a more frowny serious face while humiliating has a kinda giggle embarrassed one
while humiliating has a kinda giggle embarrassed one 