Delayed / inability to cum during sex

Sex Tips & Talk
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Hey all, looking for reassurance that my issue can be resolved and I’ll tell all below so please read on and be patient :pray:

I’m 40 not but I started masturbating edited and knew nothing about it other than hand, fast and porn I guess. When I got sexually active I always struggled to cum,edited, but always able to on my own. Death grip?

I have an understanding wife and we have had an ok sexual relationship, but always had difficulties to cum other than in doggy. Lately we’ve picked up massively and are having lots of sex which is great but my problems still persist.

I have been taking SSRIs for about 4 months which I know can cause issues, my libido is non existent but I can and do maintain an erection. The frustration is driving me insane.

I have been on the NOFAP theory for 6 weeks, no porn, no wanking but sex and still no ejaculation. I’m using the mojo mindful app too. I bought a TENGA sex toy to train me to cum regularly and without any added hand pressure. It felt great, amazing, but I still couldn’t cum unless I used it fast.

How long does it take to realign yourself? I want a normal sex life with my wife and for us both to be happy.

Any advice or tips will be greatly appreciated.

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Hmmm

Welcome to the forum @Betterlover

I can’t say I have that problem but the only thing I can recommend is trying to let go of the outcome on the ejaculation.

Is sex still enjoyable? Do you get turned on when you are with your wife? If so, maybe just give yourself permission to relax and go with the flow.

Does she like to be spoiled? I find that by concentrating on my wife’s pleasure and getting a kinky kick out of making her cum in various ways, and dressing her up in lingerie and using an orgy of sex toys on her, I try and delay my own orgasm and get so turned on, I cum very hard at the end of it.

It would be worth looking in Tantra a bit. Try playing some sexy games together. Do massages. Read the Karma Sutra together. Does she like wearing lingerie and sexy clothes? Spend a few hours together and see if she will do a fashion show with different stockings.

I personally think there is so much more to sex than going hard and coming - I think the best stuff is on the slow and sensual … the tease.

The intimacy is very important to me. We have busy jobs and lives and play time keeps me sane.

This may all be stuff you know and are used to, but if not, it’s well worth trying to explore some new areas together, and Tantra guides like Layla Martin give great sex advice! Worth looking up.

Give it some time and try and enjoy the trip, rather than the destination, and it may change for you.

Having said that, I can understand that chemical factors like SSRIs and physical issues must be really frustrating, and could lead to a more physical / medical investigation.

But if you can, enjoy sex for the sake of sex and I hope you get to spoil your wife rotten :slight_smile:

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Hey buddy.

I actually had this very same issue.

I also started masturbating at a young age, and set my standard of stimulation a bit higher than that of the stimulation from engagements with partners.

I have also had the issue previously of being on SSRIs. And I tip my proverbial hat to you for managing to fight against the sexual malaise that can come with that.

In my personal experience, building the experience is key. Although it may be both you and your partner’s desire to go straight to maximum horsepower, starting slow and spending time in the slow zone could prove beneficial.

In my own experience, taking the time to move through the motions, allow yourself to feel everything, after a little while, you can let the build up/tension/want to go harder get the better of you and you can let loose.

It’s at this point I find that climaxing becomes more of an achievable feat. Maybe it’s something you can experiment with and I hope that it yields some results for you if you do decide to try it!

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Yeah I don’t always cum during doggy and certainly haven’t since being on SSRIs, I’ve been on 3 types so far, Sertraline, Mitrazapine and now on Citalopram. I’m mentally coping very well with the current ones and my life is far more enjoyable so it’s such a tricky position to find myself in.

I’ve spoken to my GP about my libido and inability to ejaculate during sex. I got the full blood checks, testosterone and diabetic levels are all ok.

I’m convinced it’s SSRI coupled with too much masturbation, I am trying mentally to zone out using mindfulness and lose myself but my mind wanders if I don’t cum and frustration sets in.

The stroker I bought was to train myself to enjoy the sensation of something closer to sex and try and teach myself to ease up, sex isn’t daily but twice or three times weekly, so hoping this toy can speed up my recovery.

I appreciate everyone’s input so far, it is so reassuring to have positive fives from you all

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Hey dude I know your frustration and take the same medication. I’ve found that as the pills dull the senses to the mind and emotions, you have to try all that more harder to stimulate down there to climax which is probably why you’re struggling to finish during sex…

Maybe you could try adding some porn on in the background to see if that helps at all but in general I myself am still yet to find anything what helps other than solo play alone :see_no_evil:

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@Betterlover Don’t worry as this is quite common on this medication type and we deal with similar as my boyfriend been on SSRI’s a couple of times. After a couple of months they affect his libido and ability to reach orgasm, every time. He usually doesn’t cum at all, however long he goes and doesn’t really get any sexual urges.

I just have to make sure I initiate things, where he usually would, and we work out solutions and don’t focus on it being problematic. As @our-adventure-bed has said, he just focuses on enjoying the moment and not on an ejaculation being the end, as he doesn’t feel he actually needs to cum to get relief or finish.

On the positive side, as he usually doesn’t cum and can just keep going, it is great for me and we probably now have the best PIV sex we have had. I didn’t believe him at the start :rofl: and the first time he told me he hadn’t masturbated for a month or two but his feeling or need to do this has just gone away while he has been on the medication.

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I’ve slowly started to accept the negative side effects of SSRIs verses the positive benefits I’ve had in my daily life.

I’ve not masturbated for 2 months, had sex regularly, but only managed to cum using my tenga toy but with fast strokes. I feel like I have a bit of death grip mixed with the SSRI effect.

@newbiejen may I ask if your partner started to cum again during sex when he wasn’t taking his medication?

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@Betterlover Yes, usually within a week or two week after stopping the medication he is able to cum again, he has stopped twice before and it was similar on both occasions.

We have fantastic sex at the moment and him not cumming too soon has been an amazing benefit. It seems to be a couple of months before his need to masturbate goes away but after that he doesn’t get any sexually frustration from not doing it and his body seems to figure it out as he usually gets a wet dream every 3-4 week or so.