At the moment I feel so low I just want to die, don't get me wrong I would NEVER do that to my children EVER!
Everything is going wrong, I can't afford to pay my bills next month, the humiliation of going to my Mum or Dad cap in hand is awful.
I have just had sickness and diarrhoea the last few days and had to cancel a "sexy time" with my ex who we've continued to sleep together. He replied with the usual hope you feel better etc but no follow up texts to see how I am, it's made me realise that things really aren't the same as he was so attentive, kind and caring when we were together.
I have been on antidepressants for 3 months now and recently doubled the dose (since we split)
Gem, I totally understand what you mean. That feeling of "I just don't want to be here anymore" yet knowing you would never ever do it. It's tricky and its horrible but you will get through this. How long has it been since your dosage increased? It can take a full 6 weeks to regulate, persevering through those weeks will be worth it in the end.
Having little to pay bills is also massively stressful. Claim for any extra help you are entitled to. As Delilah said cancel any direct debits you don't see as a necessity. If you have online banking check it thoroughly as you may be paying for things you don't have anymore. Try comparison sites to see if you can get better deals on gas and electricity, insurance etc. It can really make a difference. Grocery shop online as you can see exactly what you spend and less likely to buy those impulse items tat seem like a bargain.
If you are struggling completely go see your local CAB and they can help out with crisis loans, grants, reductions etc you may not know you are entitled to. They can go through everything to help. There should be a local food bank in your area too if you are struggling to feed the family. It's a sad position to be in, I completely understand. As the saying goes, this isn't my first rodeo.
Anything I can help with please just give me a shout. X
First of all, lots of hugs for you at a bad time xx
As for bills, the best thing is to contact the companys and let them know you're in trouble. They are usually very helpful.
Try and cancel any direct debits that are a luxury, if you have any. A very easy way to save money.
It's always a very sad realisation when someone doesn't treat us how we expect and deserve to be treated. You deserve more.
Depression is very difficult to deal with, especially when you have children, and an ex that is playing with your feelings.
Go through your outgoings with a fine tooth comb to see where you can make savings. It's hard but can really make a difference.
Good luck, and take care xx
This is great advise !
I have had depression for most of my adult life and have been getting help recently. I am very lucky my Doctor has helped me so much. Go see your doctor as often as you can and get all the help you need. Discuss with your doctor if any mental health programmes are available to you. I did not want any help but in the end decided to get help. It's complicated
With regard to any financial help or advise you need there is help out there but you have to make the first step. You may feel low re your finances but there are many options open to you, you just need to find someone who has the answers. Try citizens advise or if you can go see a financial advisor this may cost you but could be the best money you will ever spend
hope this helps you and I do know how you feel. Remember there are loads of good people out there you just need to meet them
Sending huge hugs Gem. Great advice above. Hope things settle down for you soon.
I really don't mean to upset you but do you think a clean break from your recent ex would help you? If you are still having sex you are not giving yourself a chance to get some headspace, stop the feelings of love and intimacy towards him and get to a stage where you eventually feel ready to move on to someone who does want to be with you for everything not just the sex and good bits.
A bit of space may help you to get time to get over the relationship properly as it sounds like he is keeping you as an option for now and you are still hoping you will get back together properly. I would be inclined to talk to him, lay out all your cards on the table and find out where you stand and if it is really over then stopping contact although hard will let you get your emotions back on a more even keel eventually too.
Take care x
Have to agree with this, and all the other financial advise you have been given.
I sincerely hope things look brighter for you very soon xxxx
I am looking at my outgoings to see what I can cut down or cut out! I give to charities and support a couple in my church that I've had to let down 😰 I'm self employed and just need it to pick up, PDQ!!
It probably is a wise idea to get some space or clarity on my ex (it kills me that I even have to refer to him as that) I knew that I would struggle with FWB emotionally and he said when we first discussed it that he "doesn't want to hurt me anymore than he already has" - part of me knows that he doesn't want to hurt me but then on the flip side it's also his get out of jail card!
We are seeing each other on Saturday, if it happens then we will go out for drinks and he will stay over. I know it's the wisest thing to do (to stop) but it's so nice to have something to look forward to, being with him is always brilliant fun and it is the best sex of my life, we are incredible together and since the split we talk a lot about fantasies and new things to try, it sounds stupid but I already feel shortchanged by the relationship ending and I want to do those things too! I feel so torn and I know all of this sounds like I'm an over dramatic teen when the reality is that I'm in my mid thirties usually capable of running my own business! Bloody men!!
Did I read somewhere that he didn't want marriage because his first marriage has left bitter memories? I think you guys need to sit down and chat then have some space. You are not his ex, he needs to get that into his head, you are a completey different person, and quite frankly I think it's cowardly and childish of him to throw away a relationship based on whether he will or will not sign a piece of paper, just because he's had a bad experience in the past. If we all made decisions on that logic we would cease to exist! I really hope you can get some clarity and work out what the next step is for the pair of you. Sometimes what we want isn't always what we need, and vice versa.
On top of the other financial advice, if you end up overdrawn and incur a fee, ring the bank! They will more than likely refund the fee and cancel any other fees on the account for the remainder of the statement month, if you explain to them that you are in short term financial difficulty. They will only do this once per 12 months, so if you go over again they won't be able to help you, but if you can break the cycle before it begins, do it!
Lots of hugs, depression is a bitch but you can and will overcome it 😘😘
Gem, I totally understand what you mean. That feeling of "I just don't want to be here anymore" yet knowing you would never ever do it. It's tricky and its horrible but you will get through this. How long has it been since your dosage increased? It can take a full 6 weeks to regulate, persevering through those weeks will be worth it in the end.
That's exactly how I feel Rosy, I just checked my calendar and I have been on the stronger pills for 5 weeks tomorrow!
Yes Violet, he ended it because he said that he couldn't get married again because he exwife cheated within the first year and all of his friends have ended up divorced! X
Give yourself the extra week Gem. If you still feel like this go back to your gp. It may be a case of having to readjust your meds. Sometimes it can be a trial and error. Its frustrating but eventually you'll get there. X
I see a lot of people with depression as part of my day job. It is a horrible thing to see.
The only advice I can offer is that you need to speak to your GP, your family, a trusted friend. Even venting and asking for advice on here is useful
The medication for depression does take a while to kick in, the same applies to dose changes. Although 5 weeks seems a little long to me. I would speak to your GP and see what they have to say.
Also look online, there maybe depression support groups in your area for you to talk to.
The only other thing is time. Depression is something that creeps up on you, equally it is something that sneaks away just as slowly, but taking positive steps (talking, medication reviews, lifestyle changes etc etc) causes those small improvements and before you know it your mood has improved.
It will be hard, it will take time, but it can and will be solved.
Only just seen this thread and I don't have much to contribute I'm afraid, other than empathy. Like so many other posters on this thread, I have suffered with depression (still do) and it can be a very lonely place indeed. When you're next at your GP, ask if there is any counselling available on the NHS. I found that incredibly useful a few years ago and it eventually led me into that field myself. There is help out there, but, unfortunately, the onus is often on you to find it.
I am sorry for what you are going through I really agree with the advice how to put into order your own spendings. I also do an excel sheet, where I put all my expenses to see how much I really need and how much I just want. And I have to say it was an eye opener.
Also to save some money (I dont have to, but want to), I look for cheaper, yet still healthy meals. Some soups are great for light dinners (brocoli cream, pumpkin soup, veggie soup with bit of mushrooms and rice), they are also cheaper than some other meals I could make. But they will fill you in.
For the depression, are you only taking the pills or is someone actively working with you and you have regular session with a psychologist? And maybe having a friend who can listen would also help you a lot! And just medication may not be enough,it would be better if further professional help is also move you forward with the depression.
So he ended it because he doesn't want to get married again because his exwife cheated within the first year so now you are FWB. My understanding of FWB is that it's a non-committal relationship so you are both free to see other people however I get the impression that is not what you really want, but is he seeing other people? Is he having his cake and eating it?
Yes FWB can work for some but when you are suffering from depression, which I have, you need a partner who is there for you 100% and giving you great sex is not going to help but will probably just mess with your head more.
Obviously I only know you from the posts and comments you make so I'm sorry for my honesty and sorry if you think I am speaking out of line but you deserve someone who can whole heartedly be there for you and perhaps this FWB is partially contributing to the depression.
You deserve to be somebody's number one, someone who will hug you and tell you everything is going to be ok, someone who comes round to take care of you when you are ill, someone who wants to make you happy.
hello Gem.. new to forums & just seen post.. i also suffer from depression & deal with it a lot in my job.. I will add to what others have said, speak to GP, get meds changed if they don't seem to be working, there's a lot of different types with varying levels of side effects.. also exercise in whatever form is great for easing effects of depression, better if your outside, walking/running/ cycling etc.. also talking therapy can be useful, either with a trained councillor with one 2 one or group CBT .. try different things & hopefully you'll find something that works for you.. all the best & I wish you well.
You can help yourself by setting little goals that are achievable each day and hit them on a regular basis, and leaving you pleased with yourself. Walk for ten minutes more than usual, clean out a cupboard, that type of thing. Just go to bed being pleased with something you've done today. Its the drip drip effect of doing something positive.