Not only did I not get the job I second interviewed for last week, they were so unimpressed with me, they felt an empty chair would be a more productive. Got a phone call from a different agency about it today.
How do you take 4 people to second interview and not recruit!
When I'm depressed I have three stages. Depression, realisation, deprivation.
I'm depressed. I realise I'm depressed. I prevent myself from doing something I need or love (usually food) until I really really want it and then I have it (yum, cheesecake) and it brings a pleasurable jolt of satisfaction, effectively forcing me to be happier and forcing me to do something to get there (getting up to eat).
I don't know if I just have a particularly low attention span to bounce back like that, but try it, it's a surefire way of forcing yourself to make changes. Using the imagination is a very good way to get rid of the dragon, by thinking of it as a physical presence you can imagine a bubble protecting you from it, or a big splash of water to zap out its flames. It might be a comfort to imagine it, just like writing everything you wish you could do to a particularly horrible person can be a huge release.
Hope the techniques are worth trying, been using them since I was a child to face the world and banish shadows.
Ork wrote:
my point is the dragon can't kill you, but it can be used to make you stronger.
I have people in my life who make me very happy, they give me a reason to be strong. Besides I've conquered this before and using a dragon for parts sounds awesome. I shall have to find a taxidermist.
When I was 19 I took a massive overdose of my epilepsy medication. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my mother coming home early. 3 days in a coma instead of dead is always a good thing; surely? I know I'm stronger because of it. It was that event that made me go into the profession I love so much.
Someone once told me that its the people who have survived the most shit that give the best advice and I had my reasons for no longer wanting to be on this planet.
my life scares me at times with the way I am & my depression...
I've accepted that depression and the thoughts that sometimes plague me will always be a part of my life. I do not mention my mental health problems, I also don't mention my physical health issues. I've experimented with jobs in the past, when I get a health questionnaire in a job application every other one I tell the truth.
I have never got a job where I disclosed everything because I haven't even got an interview. The ones where I do not disclose I've at least got a shot.
LauraP wrote:
I've accepted that depression and the thoughts that sometimes plague me will always be a part of my life. I do not mention my mental health problems, I also don't mention my physical health issues. I've experimented with jobs in the past, when I get a health questionnaire in a job application every other one I tell the truth.
I have never got a job where I disclosed everything because I haven't even got an interview. The ones where I do not disclose I've at least got a shot.
I know where you're coming from Laura. Stick with it. I can sympathise with the not-disclosing bit for professional reasons myself, although in many ways I think this exacerbates the problem. Ensure you have an outlay of some kind. A close friend could be good, although I found a councillor worked wonders.
Peaks and troughs, like I said stick with it!
Thankfully Shaq I've got a charming friend who's had similar issues and we have a bit of a rant now and then. She keeps me sane, I'm very lucky to have her.
aww hugs Laura
I'm prone to depression. I finally plucked up te courage to go the GP last summer when I really had low self-esteem. I was prescribed fluoxetine (Proxac) which I have just finished taking as I felt better following a number of sessions with a psychotherapist.
I'm not sure how I am now; I thought I felt better when I last saw my GP but now I have my doubts. My depression is definitely not a permanent state of anxiety and I can be the life and soul of any party. But when I'm low, I feel moody - on edge, sulky and very irritable.
I know I have issues but bottle things up too often.
The problem with bottling your problems is eventually you run out of bottles. When that happens I tend to vent at the wrong person and then feel really guilty about it.
I've just been reading this thread and admired the idea of the boring naming of dragons because my ex used to say that her depression was a dragon. (She eventually got it down to the size of a gecko for a long time, but from recent comments I think its a kimodo and growing.)
My depression is a hole in the ground, with a narrow path on one side that I can edge along if I'm very careful. Luckily the last hole is quite a way back, and sometimes I get a sign in the road that says 'madness ahead, take diversion now' and I can look at my life and work out whats going wrong.
The time I got 'almost' suicidal it had crept up on me, a combination of factors pushed me to the point where I worked out where to fasten the rope, and I thank my lucky stars that the doctor I saw over something else saw past that.
I didn't take drugs, I got counselling but it took about a month to organise, and during that time I was advised to do things I wanted to do rather than what others expected, so on my days off I would take the coach to the nearest place to a nudist beach, walk the three miles to the sea, and then spend a few hours naked and watching the waves. For me that helped an awful lot, a combination of the exercise and relaxation was wonderful, but I'd never deny someone drugs if that was the best option.
So, I'm the only one concerned his dark passenger is more interested in taking the controls rather than crasing the car?
KebertXela wrote:
So, I'm the only one concerned his dark passenger is more interested in taking the controls rather than crashing the car?
Depression with me took control. Made so scared of life and hate myself so much that; to use your analogy, I wanted to crash the car.
It felt like the only real decision I had left. While at the same time I was being pushed down that road. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to stop being a burden. I wanted to stop the world and get off. Given the option at the time I'd have undone my conception.
When I'm ill enough that I feel my only option is to crash the car I know I haven't gotten help in time. Time to chuck on the brakes, grow up, admit I need help, get over my doctor phobia and visit the GP.
Yes I'm concerned. However I feel really helpless. He's at least aware of what Cuthbert is up to. It's the working out how to overcome it that is the hard bit. Evicting your dragon is hard when sometimes; my mother being an example; people accuse you of having a dragon because you like the attention it gets you. Mum accused me of dramatising how bad I felt for the attention. A couple of months later and I'd taken a massive overdose and her coming home early is the only reason I'm here writing what could easily become a wall of text.
Yes a fire breathing dragon in your house attracts attention. I'd rather not have to clean up its shit and replace the burned furnature. Life would be easier without it. Especially when it pins me down and won't let me go until I'm crying because it all just hurts. Sometimes I'm so sad it hurts physically. From the back of my head to the pit of my stomach I sit and shake and cry.
Mostly I hide that side of my depression; I hide it pretty well actually. I haven't cried in public for years.
However when you're "caught" crying and you're asked "whats wrong?" yes you're getting attention but when you honestly don't know why you're crying and can't answer you're a drama queen.
...I think I wondered away from the subject... However the point is depression is in control at the moment and recently I've been feeling like crashing the car to escape it. I won't though. Why let it win?