Different Sex Levels - male and female perspective

Morning All, happy saturday.

We have a great love life but my sex drive is higher than me wife's.. i would happily have sex every day where as she is happy to have it once a week so we meet in the middle..

I was wondering whether the following would almost be a compromise, rather then her having to face the pressure of my trying to have sex everyday and her not wanting to hurt my feelings. i thought about the following

3 times a month we will have a "sex time", "fun fest" or what ever we call it.. basically we agree for example that on this sunday its all about us, we may go for a walk, go shopping, pop for a pint etc, then when we get home we may have some nice food or even just a bag of chips but then we focus on us for the rest of the day in a sexual way. we may dress up, we may have a long bath together, but we know that day is our day.

From a female perspective would that appeal and remove the stress of not wanting to have to say no when you know your other half is horny.. and you know that on day XX is fun time...

What do you guys think..

In theory it's a great idea, but in practice it may become too structured.

For instance, what if on that day she isn't in the mood. She would feel the necessity to go along with it to make you happy.

I think the idea of the day together for you time is good, and certainly something to put into practice but maybe take away the sex part of it. Surely the quality time together is the main focus and then that itself should lead to some play time.

I see it from your side, as I have a very high sex drive whereas hubby doesn't, and there is nothing more frustrating that him being in the mood and me not being up for it. But it's just not as enjoyable if you both aren't in it 100%, and on those days I'd be happy with just a bath together and cuddles.
I don't make a move on hubby every day anymore as I know that he won't be up for it, instead I tease him a little each day with a naughty picture or text and leave it at that and then if he's in the mood he knows I am ready and waiting Haha. X

Hi Jess
Thanks for the feedback. I agree setting a date takes away the fun perhaps if I say we try to have 3 sessions a month no date set and we take it in turns to pick the day..so wife may decide Monday night is session might ...

I agree with Jess it's perhaps too structured. I think if yiu have different sex drives ,then it's understandable that you would want to bridge that gap.However life as such as it is can get in the way. The best way is when yiu both want sex is to make sure it's quality and nor just a quickie.

Yeah I do agree with Jessica. As the one with lower sex drive of the two I feel the pressure of knowing I 'have' to have sex would be a turn off for me. Arranging a time to do something like massages, bathing together etc would be a lot less pressure and there is always the chance it could lead to sex anyway? But if it doesn't then that's okay too.
It may be an idea to suggest trying something new Sexually once a month. A new role play? A new toy? New position?

cg22 wrote:

Hi Jess
Thanks for the feedback. I agree setting a date takes away the fun perhaps if I say we try to have 3 sessions a month no date set and we take it in turns to pick the day..so wife may decide Monday night is session might ...

No worries huni, here to help! Yeah, I'd suggest that maybe you say once a week that you have some quality time together. No emphasis on sex and alternate who chooses the activity, be it go for a meal, a hotel stay, a nice bath with candles. I guarantee majority of it will lead to sex. And then once you're both happy and comfortable with that then you can up it a notch. We now have a toy session once a week, if we have a quickie another day or so in the week it's a bonus for me. But we try and make sure now we have time for a toy session, wether that be massage oils etc or full on restraints on the bed. We will have a few glasses of wine and then mention to the other what we have planned to see if we are both happy with the suggestion and go from there. Communication is the key, as mysteron said life sometimes gets in the way, wether that's feeling under the weather, stress, children or even just tiredness. X


I felt your post was so heartfelt. You are clearly a sensitive guy and are facing a dilemma so many couples with different needs have to come to terms with in their own relationships. I've noticed that some of the replies suggest that planning your 'quality time' in advance make be somewhat structured for your partner and perhaps might lead to a certain amount of anxiety for both of you.

I read a post this morning about how the keystone of a successful relationship is communication and with respect, as a guy who is probably a little older than you, I have found that I would add compromise to that statement. I have always had a desire to have sex with my wife almost at a moments notice, but my lovely wife doesn't always share my enthusiasm and probably once a week is too much. We have both been married before, my wife for 20 years and me for 17 years which can sometimes brings problems relating to our past lives but I consider myself lucky to have an understanding life partner, why? Because due to surgery and medical issues I don't find it so easy to achieve the erection my wife would prefer, so usually have to rely on "v" blue tablets to give me the confidence to love her in the way I want to, this requires a minimum of 30-40 minutes waiting time which as you might imagine is not very spontaneous!

I have found a compromise that seems to work for both of us. We bought two small plastic animals, hers is a rabbit and mine is a tiger. When she is in the mood for sexual pleasure she puts the "rabbit" somewhere where I can see it, and likewise I might leave my "tiger" where she can see it, that's my queue to get "ready" and by the time we've had a shower I'm usually ready for her pleasure!

so good luck in whatever you do and you will find your compromise I promise!

I can't add anything more than the lovelies above, but wanted to wish you luck and hope you teo can find a way to fit together perfectly xx

While i agree that you dont want your time to be too structured it can make it fun too... Like you know Sunday is funday. You know its coming and you are thinking about it and getting exctited. I would even be extra flirty leading up to said scheduled time. send a text or rub their shoulders or sneak kisses when your cooking dinner etc. whatever works for you. I think that having a schedules time may not work for everyone but it could very well work for you guys. I think its great that your being sensitive to the fact that you dont want her to feel pressure. Good luck to you!!

To me it's a lovely thought but maybe it would come across a little forced?

Maybe use that day as you said to just be together, do something fun, go to the cinema, go for dinner and a few drinks. Have fun together outside the bedroom and it should lead to fun inside the bedroom?

Thanks all for all your kind words and feedback. We had a laugh last night about it when I suggested it ... My wife then proceeded to take the mickey out of me all night calling me Mr Structure :-)
But we did agree one thing ... Whatever we do it has to be fun and about us... So now we are off for a long walk then a swim then it's curry night :-)

I guess I'm in a similar position where my sex drive is higher than my OH. I find it difficult sometimes because I feel that I always initiate sex. Knowing her drive is less I don't want her to feel pressured, but sometimes I end up not doing anything and then feel even Hornier and wish I had. Between work, kids and life in general it can be really hard.
Personally I think a set day for the two of you to do something is a great idea. I would guess that if you have a good, relaxing time there's a good chance it would end with sex anyway.
Hope things work.