Hi there, I am a woman in my early 40s. It takes me a long time to get to orgasm and they are not very strong or satisfying when they do happen. If I get highly aroused and do not orgasm I feel very upset and can’t sleep. I was told recently that this reaction “isn’t real” (aka it’s all in my head). Any other women out there relate to this?
6 Likes
There could definitely be some kind of mental block (e.g. stress) but it’s definitely not all in your head! There’s a real physical and hormonal response happening, so it is real.
I’ve found that when orgasms aren’t as powerful or as satisfying as I’d like trying different types of stimulation normally helps. Things like stronger vibrations, edging (building up but stopping before orgasm a few times), or even certain pelvic floor exercises can sometimes help. If its something that’s been getting worse over time, it might be worth chatting with a doctor just to rule out any hormonal changes or potential other issues. There’s probably a million different reasons why this is happening, I promise you’re not alone and a lot of someone feel like this from time to time. Try and take some time for yourself and find out why this might be happening, nothing like a little bit of self care (;
You’re not crazy, and you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way! Good luck with everything (:
2 Likes
@user399 I’ve found that some toys just don’t do it for me and have spent time trying out different types of toys to see what works for me 
2 Likes
How’s your pelvic floor ? That can play a huge part in orgasm intensity if that is lax in can effect it , I’m in my mid 40s and have had a lot of children and my pelvic floor needs work atm as it does take me a little longer to O atm then it used to
I do get emsela chair therapy which really helps def worth the money I’m about to have revision lot done as I have had a baby since my last lot .
def try toys if you haven’t already to experiment with few types till you find one that works .
Welcome to the forum orgasms and their strength can often be a lot to do with mind over matter in the moments so if your the sort of person who drifts off into thought during sex then your orgasm is any will probably be lesser…
But also as something to consider, if on any medication, diet, fitness health and age can all play variables in this too.
@user399 welcome to the forum.
Many females experience difficulty achieving orgasm, so you are not alone and don’t be too harsh on yourself for not being able to do so.
Others are giving great advice.
Is this a new problem or something you’ve always had? It could be a mental block if you’re stressed, feeling anxious or depressed. But it could be loads of other things. A few things I can think of are:
Hormones - peri menopause
Hormonal contraception (mine have really been affected by the combined pill and to a slightly lesser extent, the mini pill too)
Medication such as antidepressants and I think some blood pressure meds and probably some others that I don’t know about too- if you’re on any medication, check the side effects on the leaflet.
Tiredness, stress or poor mental health
Finally, I find some toys better than others for orgasms - at the moment I am struggling to orgasm, it builds up and then just fizzles out like a damp sparkler compared to a firework - gentle, deep rumbly vibrations seem to be a lot better for me, if I use anything more powerful or something with a high frequency, buzzy vibration, I go numb and can’t reach orgasm. It might be worth trying a different toy if you’re using something strong and buzzy.