So I have this little dilemma, a little while ago a found a couple toys that my OH had stashed away when I was trying to find sizes for a lingerie order. And now I found another when I was looking for something else. I don’t have a problem with her having any toys and we have a good collection that I have bought for us. I’m in this place where I’m glad she’s exploring and using toys herself. But I guess I’m a little hurt that she didn’t tell me about them. What I don’t know how to do is bring it up to her in a way that shows I’m excited about it? I’d love to watch her play with herself. It’s something that in the past I thought she never did.
I would not bring it up about her owning some other toys you were not aware of. May be for valentine you could say you were really interested in buying her some new toys and suggest looking through LH for idea’s. She may then bring it up what she already has. If she does not mention then accept it, its her private collectiion.
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Agreed with @steve19, Don’t bring it up, it’s obviously for her special alone time. Maybe she is a little embarrassed at the moment to tell you. Bringing up a conversation about toys for when you are alone is a good idea, Just don’t make it about her.
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I agree that she should have her special alone time and I don’t need to know everything. I can appreciate that she needs that time as I know that her sex drive is currently higher than mine. Where it does slightly bother me is that while our sex together is as good as it’s ever been, it seems to be a lot less frequent. It just slightly worries me that she might be replacing some of her need to be with me with using toys. I’m all to aware of how that can happen as I used to masturbate daily and would turn her down occasionally because I was already satisfied from my self love.
I wouldn’t mention it. I’d love nothing more than my wife playing alone, as it would hopefully encourage more time with both of us
Anyway, you could always argue that it’s her body and as such she can do what she likes (not being argumentative here!)
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I wouldn’t mention the toys bc although you found them by accident, she might see it as you were snooping. If she wanted you to know about them, she’d tell you.
Its ok for you both to have your own toys and unless she’s going off and playing with these toys when theres an opportunity for you both to be involved, then I don’t see the toys being the reason for the infrequent sex. I would bring up the infrequent sex and tell her you’d like to spend more time being sexually intimate.
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I can understand why most comments so far have been on the “don’t tell her” side of things …
… I’m not so sure. I personally don’t think secrets are a healthy thing in a person’s most significant relationship. It’s the approach that counts though. It’s incredibly important there’s no blame or shaming.
“Babe, look I’m really sorry but, I wanted to buy you some sexy lingerie, so I rifled through your drawer to check sizes … and might have stumbled across something else you had tucked away in there … is it ok if we talk about it?”
Anyone is allowed to have stuff they keep totally private … but, in my experience, full honesty, openness and transparency have been more important.
P.S. not saying it’s happening … but you say your OH has hidden toys, and has a higher drive right now … maybe your attentiveness during intimacy needs a wee lift? You don’t know her size so had to research. Are you paying attention?
Just thoughts 
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Good point 
I have to agree with the majority here to leave it be. @GoGirl12 raises a very valid point btw.
@Foosa Is your sex life active and do you both play with some toys together? If yes, leave it be. My wife is s little different. She tends to be like a squirrel stashing nuts away for the winter. I will randomly find my/our sex toys stashed away in odd places in the bedroom. As I find them I just give them a clean and put them back in the toy box without saying anything. Masterbation can be a very private thing even in a long-term committed relationship. Do you have different work schedules? Do you travel for work? Do you play rugby every weekend then go for a pint? Toys you found are likely for alone time when she is arroused and you are not there.
Agree with the above to a certian extent not knowing your relationship.
best way would be to suggest a similiar toy she has that you’d like to use with her espeically it being V day soon and see what she says. if she doesnt voluntarily bring it up then forget you seen them.
I know if i found some hidden toys that my wife had bought without me i’d be laying them out on the bed that evening for us to use but i was the one that introduced her to toys and considering our vast selection im not sure there is anything left for her to buy 
Everyone deserves their private space, even in a relationship. I wouldn’t mention them personally.
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100% agree.
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Thanks everyone for all the replies and advice.
I’ll add some more info for the people asking, when we do have sex it is great sex, her having at least one orgasm and occasionally if I’m lucky enough I’ll have a second orgasm in a session. I introduced her to the world of toys a couple years into our marriage and we have built a decent collection that I have purchased about 95% of. Her only purchase to our collection is a wee-vibe, one of the originals. We do use toys fairly regularly during sex, (me using them on her) but unless I have her tied up, she would rather have the real thing. I think I’m mostly thrown off balance that she has her own toys for self play when as far as I knew she has never masturbated in the past. Also I don’t travel for work and neither does she, she works from home and at times her work carries late into the night.
Solo time to masturbate is good for any relationship. I would just let it lie as you obviously have a good sex life and no doubt you also take time out for a bit of self pleasure.
Without mentioning the toys you could discuss your need for self pleasure and ask her about her needs. Explain that you think it is natural to masturbate when the urge arises and you want to be more open about it by telling each other about it as it is something to share in your relationship.
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So I have to agree more with @Lucas04
Although as other say yes we all are allowed our own toys and own time to ourselves if we do wish. I also agree if you do bring it up you may have to do it delicately depending on your relationship. I personally would call mr O out and ask why he felt the need to have to hide it from me, although I know he wouldn’t so irrelevant point.
What I struggle with is deceit in any form I’m not talking little white lies I’m talking taking specific actions or steps to hide something from someone. In any aspects of life I can not tolerate deceit. Especially over silly little insignificant thing this, if someone can take steps to make sure I don’t find out something so insignificant then you will with out doubt do it over something serious 
of course just my opinion.
I guess without personally knowing your relationship or how you feel either way, it’s up to you where you go from here. If you’re not really bothered, forget about it. If you are, bring it up. If she is likely to not take it well, be delicate. If she can take it, be blunt and upfront.
Good luck
I’m curious what kind of toys she has hidden and if they’re different from the other toys you own together.
If they’re different, then that gives you something to go on, for what she’s missing with the other collection of toys.
Oh… great point I hadn’t thought of. I do have some toys I like but my OH isn’t into mind you, I don’t hide them either. They are in the toy box with the rest of our stuff.
They are different from what we have in our collection together. The toys that I’ve found are a LH rose which has been on my mind for a while to get her, a glass curved dildo and a small glass butt plug. The butt plug got me super hot as I would like to get into anal play but over the years in conversations it’s been a hard no and I respect that. So it’s just a little confusing and is activating my own curiosity as to why she bought it.
Just to make it clear I’m really not upset that she had them and uses them, I actually got incredibly exictied each time when I found them. I just wish she had shared that she has them and didn’t have to hide them.
It’s also my curiosity that makes it hard for me to not bring it up with her. I’m happy for her to have her private time, God knows she needs it with having 2 kids 6 and under, and a 34 y.o kid haha. Heck I would even take the kids out for her to have that time if I knew that’s what she wanted or needed.
I have brought up the idea that we should sit down and look through the LH website to look for some new toys to add, even just for a wish list to get some ideas from her but as usual she said we have a big enough collection and don’t need more. I also mentioned that we need a day alone to go through our collection and see we like and don’t so we can update what we keep close by.
Ok so with the plug, she could be curious, knowing that you want anal and she’s testing how she feels about it in a less pressured way. Not saying you’re pressuring her. But once you know she’s got a plug, the conversation will be about anal and maybe she’s not ready to have that conversation yet. The glass dildo could’ve been in a set or maybe she just likes glass.
The rose is for clit stimulation, you really should have had a clit suction toy in your collection by now.
I agree with going through your collection to see what you like and what you don’t, I have plans to do that myself as well. You always find something you’ve forgotten about.
I think trying to manipulate the conversation to get her to admit to the toys is wrong, bc until she says it, you’re not going to stop. So either just tell her you found them or let it go and think it’s hot that your wife enjoys a bit of masturbation.
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