Or is it just some people?
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Iām not sure and I may not speak for others of course.
I donāt have any fetishes, as per the definition of the word.
This is found over and over online for what a fetish is "Something is considered a fetish when it MUST be present in order for the person to achieve sexual arousal or enjoyment."
āA fetish on the other hand is a specific sexual fixation or reliance on an object, body part, material, or situation to achieve sexual arousal or satisfaction. Fetishes are often deeply ingrained and play a significant role in an individualās sexual fantasies and experiences.ā
That is not the case for me so I donāt have a fetish of any kind.
A kink is different than a fetish of course.
A kink is described this way many times online. āIn shorthand, a kink is something sexual that someone LIKES to do with themselves or consensually with partners.ā
But it goes a bit further as it also says this about a kink. āA kink refers to any unconventional or non-traditional sexual interest, desire, or practice. It involves engaging in activities outside of mainstream sexual norms.ā
A kink has a lower bar to clear than a fetish and even though a large majority of what I like and do sexually falls within he mainstream sexual norms, I do have some kinks.
Iāll just leave this hereā¦
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A statistic that will never sadly be known
But there are people out there (I canāt remember any of the terms!) who just donāt feel turned on or real love and emotion. I canāt see them having kinks and fetishes, and there are just āvanillaā people out there who are happy with just the basics, and nothing wrong with that either
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What is a kink?
One persons kink can be another persons normal.
Is it missionary sex thatās the non kink option and everything else kinky ? We have more topics on this too
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Asexuals?
To some people having sex doggie style is a kink, and un-natural.
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Masturbating was wrong and unnatural to my ex-wifeā¦
But Iāve been FREE of her over 20 years now!
Iām not sure my ex wife knew I was masturbating a LOT, and I pretty much know she never did in our 23 years together. My kink with her was using her undies to jerk off into.
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My ex-wife never knew that I masturbated a lot. I mean she asked me like 12 years into our marriage if Iād ever masturbated.
Think Iāve said on the forum somewhere that our bad sex life didnāt cause issues for us, it was everything else being bad between that led to us having a poor sex life.
It wasnāt great to begin with mind you, but it got worse and worse as the years went by and between dating, being engaged and married she and I were together 24 plus years, damn near 25 years together.
Sadly, for us, it was everything. We should never have been a couple.
I get this is a sex forum, main topic I mean but everyone on here is smart enough to know that many other things affect sex. Relationships, health, stress etc. so itās all pertinent to a healthy sex life.
I just had no idea it was going to be an uphill battle for our entire time together, in and out of the bedroom.
And no, Iām not placing 100% of the blame on my ex-wife. It takes two of course and I was in the relationship too and with my messed up childhood, I wasnāt āwholeā going into the marriage either, whether it was with her or some other lady.
Iāve said on the site somewhere too that had Miss Heather and I somehow ended up with each other in the 1990ās (we met in 1994 at work and she wanted to be with me early on), it would have ended badly.
I needed a lot of work, therapy, to heal, to figure out how all that had happened to me had affected me, was affecting me. I was clueless about all of that during my marriage with my 1st wife.
Now, leaving all that aside, my 1st wifeās personality was such that she didnāt take kindly to many things. Things had to be her way, in and out of the bedroom. She very much cared about appearances (yes, her looks too) but mainly Iām getting at keeping up with the Jonesā, fitting in, like in social circles. She wanted to be seen and known as a nice person, a nice wife, partner, nice friend etc. The fact that she wasnāt those things didnāt matter to her. What mattered was that others thought she was those things. THAT is what she cared about and of course thatās a huge distinction there.
And my personal issues I went through, like when I was injured in my perineum area when cutting up trees on our land in the Ozarkās, that caused real changes to me, in me and my ex-wife was never able to handle them. She wasnāt patient, caring, understanding etc.
It became just another thing and way for her to mistreat me and she did. She didnāt want to see my penis, have it touch her etc. Not even in bed or when we were on the couch. Sheād make me sit back down when we were in the hot but (we used it naked most times) because she didnāt want to see my erection when I stood up so she demanded I sit back down and wait until she got out and back into the house before I got out of the hot tub.
She belittled me, told me I was gross, wrong, disgusting and not normal.
She would literally get up out of bed in the middle of the night when I worked 2nd shift to come into our bathroom while I was showering when I got home. She didnāt come in to talk to me, to be nice to me. She came in to see me down there and then to tell me I was gross, not normal, wrong etc. and then sheād go back to our bed.
About it being 100% her fault or mine. My ex-wife LITERALLY told me one day when we were talking during our divorce that our divorce was 100% my fault.
Of course she was cheating on me, I caught her cheating and then found out she cheated many other times yet she was telling me our divorce was 100% my fault.
And in her mind, it was.
Another time during our divorce, we were in our kitchen and she was mad at me. She told me sheād given me the best years of her life (20ās and 30ās - we were 38 when we divorced) and she was angry at me for her having wasted the best years of her life on me.
This was a long way of saying that my masturbating didnāt rate anywhere near the top of our issues. It wasnāt in our top 100 issues.
I was just lost with her, about anything and everything.
Miss Heather is so refreshing in that she simply loves me. Not for what I do or what I have or can do, but just for being myself.
My ex-wife used me for what I was going to do for my profession. She didnāt choose me for love. Now, back then I never knew that, but that was the case.
My ex-wife chose me for what I could do for her, provide for her etc.
I donāt hear this term on this forum really but I was a doormat for my ex-wife. I was always tying to be nice so she wouldnāt be angry with me, about anything.
I was shell shocked the entire time we were together.
A roll in the hay or the lack of them wasnāt in my top 100 problems with her.
And you and I mentioned this before. Had I treated my ex-wife the way she treated me, I would have caught hell for it.
She was full of double standards and the things she did to me could not be done to her by me, or else.
Iām glad you were able to use her undies to masturbate with. I really am.
I did no such thing with my ex-wifeās things. Iām sorry to say, but I never wanted to.
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I thought I had things roughā¦..Iām so sorry for you. Each of us had their travails, and somehow survived them. The use of the panties was my way of compensating at some level. Itās still a kink I would do with my OH, it I lost the ability to ejaculate, so it would not seem the same. I think my OH would think I was a deviant for doing it now. After our dinner out tonight, returning back to the hotel room, I grabbed her bum through her silky dress, and she called me a sex fiendā¦..nice! I would have loved to get her into the room, bend her over and lift that dress an fuck her over the bed. That will remain an unfulfilled fantasy.
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I shouldnāt have laughed, but I did.
Itās either laugh or cry as the saying goes.
My kink is lingerie, I donāt believe it is a fetish as I dont need to wear it every time we have sex. The same with being restrained and blindfolded, we only do that occasionally.
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Have you always worn lingerie, or is it something that grew out of exploring your sexuality? I do not see it as a fetish, but a very nice way of treating yourself.
When I was young and single I would always wear nice lingerie like teddy stockings and suspenders pretty tame really. When I started dating hubby and we got married I got a little more adventurous and got some crotchlesss outfits and body stockings. I went through a period though when I threw all my nice lingerie out and didnāt wear anything apart from normal underwear. I have now got back into it and the stuff I have now is really quite naughty. Not only crotchless but cupless, leather strappy with chains but I also have lacy and feminine outfits as well along with role play things like French maid. Think I will get a nurses outfit next and give hubby a prostate exam.
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My kink is dressing in lingerie, my wife loves it 
. Sheās not bothered about wearing it herself, but she loves to get her knickers wet and wrap them round my cock, I guess thatās her kinkā
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