He wants me to be more dominant but wonāt tell me what he wants. Itās not a natural stance for me, Iāve tried a few things and been investigating and have found some invaluable advice on here and have suggested a few options with him (Apps and a bdsm questionnaire) but no response other than āI donāt knowā How the flip am I supposed to make him happy if he doesnāt respond/know.
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He definately needs to tell you what it is he wants. Does he want you to tie him down and whip him till he bruises, or just order him about in the bedroom, or does he want you to be dominant outside of the bedroom.
I suggest you both doinv a little bit of researcj on BDSM together so you can grasp a little about what BDSM is what is can entail as the possibilities are endless.
@Tenshadesandme has an amazing website/blog that is extremely informative. Theres also loads of stuff on line. Just be careful what that your sourcing accurate and correct information. The pink kink podcast is very good as is the podcast by sunny megatron. Evie lupine has a youtube channel which is fantastic also.
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You canāt.
He needs to tell you exactly what he wants,what he doesnāt want and what his limits are and you need to tell him wxactly what youāre predared to do and what your limits are otherwise youāll both end up disappointed.
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Ask him to describe a scenario that turns him on. He canāt expect you to know how he wants to you to domme him if he canāt tell you.
As a couple, your communication needs to be better, you have to trust that he will tell you when something isnāt right, or hurts or is too much. Try this quiz together, itāll at least give you both an idea of the types of things youāre both in to and will give you something to talk about.
(The purple quiz is a link that will bring you to the quiz)
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@user66 - i agree with others ask him what he wants - but be graphic ask him does he want to be spanked and if so crop / paddle cane and then ask him what he would like you to wear - suggest wet look black - that always should get a yes - finally ask him does he want you to peg him - he may way want all 3 ā¦ or even more
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@user66 while what everyone here is saying is true and for a beginner in the dominant position it definitely helps having a base to go off you do have the option to start being dominant and make it a slow boil process if hubby has no idea and neither do you have a full grasp of his needs.
So letās say on Friday you both sit down and agree on safe words for a hard No! And the activity stops, a word for we need to slow down and take a break and one for this is good keep going. I would choose Red Yellow Green to start off with.
Then on a piece of paper you write down these safe words and also a time and day of the week that hubby agrees to be submissive to you for say Friday night between 8-10. For a duration of 1 month at which point everything is reviewed and times and dates increased, or decreased as required even stopped all together.
You then can give him 3 options of activities. Which you choose foot rubs massage run a bath and wash mistress. Masterbate for mistress but do not come in 30 minutes etc and then at the end of the the allotted time Mistresses last command is your choice but if your sub has done well a reward or punishment if not.
The forum can help out with suggestions and @Tenshadesandme guides are top notch. But itās one of many ways you can go as a Mistress.
But if mistress isnāt happy subs need to up their game and Mistresses need to care for their subs needs and if heās not talking he needs to show you through what y ok do together. Otherwise when you are being his Dom flog him until he answers 
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Thank you! @Kh1985 @batjamboree @JoCat @rockstar @JGood. Iāll continue research and instruct him to do the same.
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Overnight update: I told him to create a LH account = done. Iāve also told him to take a bdsm test and to share the results with me before I get home tonight.
Instead of suggesting, Iāve changed it to telling him what he has to do. Seems to be working at the moment.
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Consent is king and he canāt give consent with ādonāt knowā. To me, saying āI donāt knowā is just lazy to be honest. Sorry to be brutal.
D/s takes work from both sides and it isnāt about the s just being a pillow prince/princess.
You could always watch some porn together, get him to chose and do it without judgement on your side. That way, if heās struggling to verbalise or feels embarrassed about saying it, he can at least show you what he wants and what turns him on.
But remember, itās key that you agree to it all and also you need to feel dominant. Iāve seen people at clubs being the Dom, but itās lazy because they arenāt committed/comfortable with it and they are just doing it because their partner asked.
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And as others have said, research and education is so important. D/s takes a lot of effort but can be amazing when done right, especially if itās a journey you go on together. Just remember it can have mental health side effects and aftercare is super important when youāve done a scene.
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Sounds like your putting all the efforts in and heās not doing hardly any which for this to work heās got to communicate with youā¦
Maybe he wants you to be dominant in the way of saying this is what weāre gonna try and do now get upstairs and ready yourself 
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I love to be taken charge of, dominated. We both enjoy porn and it inspires us both. I often send H video clips, photos or scenarios Iāve seen. Perhaps you could suggest he finds something he likes the look and sound of, and if you like it you could try it?
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Your dominatrix training is coming along nicelyā¦ 
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So a lot of times I think people want something but are not wanting to share it because of what their partner may think. So how about you take control and say āIām going to XXX.ā and see what his response is - if it is a yes - do it. Then do something else, then something else and that may be the conversation going.
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As others have said HE NEEDS TO TELL YOU WHAT HE WANTS
Now itās perfectly okay for someone to not know what they want, when I was exploring kink for the first time that was me.
But thatās why talking about it is important.
Sit him down, ask him to be specific about what he wants.
Then when you do sexy time check in with him, ask him if he likes it or if he wants something different. Tell him he has to be completely 100% honest or he wonāt enjoy himself.
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Evening update: seems that the bdsm test has given him a little insight into what he likes ā¦ got home from my errands and was promptly put on my kneesā¦clearly not as sub as he thought he was 
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So heās a switch?
Both dom and sub! Best of both worlds.
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@JGood yeah!!!
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Hope you both have fun switching it up together
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I love being in a switchy marriage. If sex is play, then getting to be on both sides of the ballgag depending on mood is part of the fun for us.
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