Is it a task if itâs fun?
I got spanked once for giving my husband a task, but not writing it in the style of Alex Horne 
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@user66 - there is a lot of very good advice on spanking and dominance and I agree with most points, but essentially you need to take time to find what you both like
I dominate and always choose a number of items - crop / paddle and cane - floggers just donât work bug look fun
Play and increase the impact slowly - a wide paddle delivers a good sound but little pain where a thin cane does hurt - but this can be fun as well
As you spank - remember to tease and walk around your subject with very confident body language and tell them what your about to do and then do it - but take time - never just whack and whack as this will cause uncomfortable pain and spoil matters
I generally start with a paddle - 10 whacks to each cheek and then knickers down (mg husband loves to wear) and then repeat with knickers down - then knickers back up to slowly lease with the cane by tapping the buttocks slowly - then introduce the crop - again draw this down the spine and then whack the bum a good 5- 10 times per cheek and again with knickers down
Repeat a few times and then end with cane - slowly start and increase pressure slowly watching your partner- if they start to turn his bum as you hit - itâs because itâs hurting - so slow or stop
Good luck 
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Hey @batjamboree thanks for the tips. Weâve been doing all you said except I want him to leave marks that will last for a couple of days 
How do you know if the hurt is real hurt? At what point do we really stop or bring the notch up?
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Communication between you and your partner, communicating what level of pain you are feeling and the visual your partner is seeing. The trust you build as you play together to the desired outcome you want. Time practice and communication are your foundation
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@lilly30 - as you start on this road he will tolerate more as time goes on - but keep to safe words
I use the cane to finish off which leaves good marks and I generally give him 6 of the best per cheek - hard impact that will leave deep red marks - but when we first started using the cane he could only take 2 per cheek
The cane is ideal - but warm him up before with a paddle
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@lilly30, the cane isnât ideal for me, and isnât for everyone. You need to work with him on what he likes, for which you may have to buy a few things and try them. I know someone who loves whips and cats, hates everything hard. I know someone who loves wood and hates whips. I like leather and not keen on canes. Each to their own. To maximise his enjoyment, he needs to work out what he likes.
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I should make this more clear, itâs me who wants the marks on me I like the cane, I feel he could it harder but weâre afraid itâll be too hard.
@batjamboree what is 6 of the best?
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Ah, didnât get that bit. I thought it was for him. To be honest, the only way is to try it harder. Build up slowly, see what feels good and what doesnât. I for one can take an awful lot, far more than you might expect.
We started with spanking him, and he kept wanting it harder. Then, one day, I was in a crap mood, and I thought that if he wants it harder, Iâll give him sodding harder. He bloody took it. It was a massive eye opener!
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Buy Paddle
Tell him to bend over
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My partner and I were discussing this over breakfast and we agreed to put a list of questions here. We switch sometimes but our red line is breaking the skin, one thing we can agree on The rest, weâll let the resident spankers here to help
Do we allow the sub to rub after each stroke?
How long should a good session be? Can you orgasm during spanking?
Should the sub lie on a bed or bend over a chair? Which is safer?
Can we do CNC with the sub restrained and stop only with the topâs agreement?
Does anyone here do discipline spanking? Sometimes I flirt with guys at shops, he forgets the chores, we want to punish for this
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You can do what you like. Between you, you make the rules. My answers are what we do - Iâm not recommending or otherwise.
Absolutely not. Any touching of the ass between strokes gets their wrists tied over their head and more strokes. (Sometimes I do this on purpose though to get more strokes).
Well, for us, itâs at least 20 minutes. We both (for example) rather have 100 strokes with a paddle than 5 with a cane. We like the theatre and drama of a good long spanking.
Absolutely. Although if you do, youâll get more strokes of course. For him spanking me, itâs his goal, so he often rubs my pussy between blocks of strokes, so I end up cumming a lot.
Not sure about safer. We prefer over lap when trajectory allows or bent over furniture to laying on a bed.
You can. To be honest, we find it more satisfactory that the spankee could just move if they wanted to, but they choose not to.
We thought about it, but as a rule, we donât. Neither of us wanted to encourage poor behaviour by having spankings as a punishment. We do sometimes do it as a reward for good behaviour!
There are a couple of exceptions. Occasionally, I brat, and get spanked for that. Itâs all part of the game, and why I enjoy it. Also, we do sometimes pick silly things that happen to spank for, but it isnât consistent and is just an excuse.
For me, discipline spanking feels a bit controlling, and after being in relationships with controlling people, it just felt too much.
Be interesting to see other answers to this lot.
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@lilly30 - 6 of the best is a old saying from schools (up to mid 1980âs) where naughty children would be caned - 6 of the best was the harshest punishment
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Always interesting to learn from this forum!!!
@batjamboree I was on the receiving end at school. Met with a therapist who suggested to embrace and not fight my trauma. Glad to have found her
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Wonderful to hear you are talking, reviewing and questioning as you explore and progress with your play times. Thatâs a great base to spring from when changing up your impact play and spanking time.
As @KinkyMira has said itâs your time your rules, taking the time to set the expectations and limits is important especially while you are learning. As you become more knowledgeable and skilled with each other it become intuitive.
While learning from each other and trying new toys, yes you need to feel and know what itâs doing to you just as much as it feels. Take pictures, and show the sub, if you can cast it live to your tv even better. Again after you are comfortable with things, no! Rubbing the spanked areas is the Doms privilege to enjoy their work.
However long you can take it, want it, until the desired outcome is achieved. Be it 6 of the best for your OH as a reward for completing all the chores, or you just make his ass so rosey that if and when you peg him just the light drag of finger nails across the sensitive area causes euphoric pain and precum dripping on the floor.
Beds are good replacements for St Andrews crosses but due to the springy nature of the mattress absorbs some of the power of the spanks. Chairs, tables, side arms and backs of sofas, the stairs (anything is usable that you can imagine). If possible thereâs always the world outside too over a downed tree of gate.
Yes, Consent, Non consent can be fun and tied into the next question too, you just need to talk about it first. And donât forget mental bondage is a thing.
Little know fact is that the first spanking to ever take place was 12,368BC when Frank brought mud into the hut and Betty tanned his bottom so much it glowed. It was the first central heating any house had.
Spanking for discipline or reward is fun you just choose what and which you do. The flirting with guys can be fun if you tease hubby on the way home and at some point youâve wind him up so much he has to pull over and you are ordered to turn around and recline your seat and lean over the back of it while you are spanked for being naughty.
If you canât have an orgasm while playing whatâs the whole point of it? Unless you are going for orgasm denying.
Hope you have lots of fun while on this road to new things and others find it useful too. Just ask if thereâs anything else Iâm sure @Tenshadesandme will be around at some point to give her expert advice.
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Do we allow the sub to rub after each stroke?
I donât unless they really need to and theyâd need to ask first to avoid getting their fingers (accidentally) hit
How long should a good session be?
No time length. Purely depends on the reason for the play, if any other types of play are involved, and what all involved want.
Can you orgasm during spanking?
I know people who can, but equally know plenty who canât.
Should the sub lie on a bed or bend over a chair? Which is safer?
Bending over will make the impact hurt more due to the skin being pulled taut.
Any kind of standing position has more risk of them falling if they enter sub space or generally lose balance, coupled with if the furniture is appropriate (for example, a fold up stair isnât going to take it, but a sofa will).
The other thing to think about is where the persons weight is. Some positions will push more of the persons weight onto their chest which will cause breathing issues, for example.
If you want a long session, the more comfortable you are the better.
Can we do CNC with the sub restrained and stop only with the topâs agreement?
If thatâs what turns you both on. The only thing I would urge is that the top really understands the bottoms body language and reactions and really knows what they are doing.
Playing without a safe word is not for the inexperienced. Taking it slow means youâll get to play again.
Does anyone here do discipline spanking?
Nope, doesnât suit my play style but if it fits yours, thatâs great.
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So I got double teamed with this one, first with @JGood tagging me in it, then, when I told hubby that the questions were more directed at him, he simply said âwell you know my answers, good girlâ - so yay!
Nuh uh, Master will tell me âhands awayâ if I try. He likes me to feel each blow.
Our sessions typically last two hours, though thatâs with a bit oâ everything: bondage, spanking, flogging, sensation play/wax play, cock worship, sex. I get very turned on from spanking, but I only orgasm from oral.
Iâm normally put over the back of the sofa, much to my annoyance. The sofa is where we entertain our visitors too, and he knows it adds to my degradation knowing that thatâs where Iâm also spanked.
This question gives me the ick, because you would need to know one another very, very well for it to be âonly with the topâs agreementâ. Maybe only if you know one another very, very well. Also, I second JGoodâs comment, about mental bondage. That can even be safer in the early days, since someone who wants out isnât going to stay put.
Not really, we both see it as quite infantalizing. Unless itâs a rule broken, then itâs kind of I walked into the wolfâs den and Iâm dealing with the consequences 
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It can be hard to suggest certain things, due to embarrassment or the like. Ideally you could ask him, in broad terms, what he likes - could be just bondage, or bdsm, or spanking, or who knows what, but stick to general categories - and go from there. If all else fails, just tie him up, tell him his Safe Word, open up the toy chest and let your imagination run amok! Heâll soon tell you what doesnât work if he uses his Word, but then he might be more forthcoming with that he would really like! 
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