I'd like some advice on how to be more dominating and in control with my boyfriend. I've had fantasies of doing this with guys in the past but never felt comfortable enough with someone to actually try it. I'm naturally a bit shy and self-conscious, so I guess that's hard to overcome!
One time recently we did end up having pretty rough sex with me on top, and I experimented with pinning down his wrists above his head. He LOVED it and I started really getting into it, ordering him not to touch me and using my vibrator on him. It felt odd afterwards, as if I'd become myself again. Being in control was like, hmm, being a character who wasn't even me. So weird!
Ever since that one time I've found myself getting too shy to do it again. I know he likes it, I'm just unsure how to initiate things. I find it hard to talk dirty either, whereas he finds it easy to say stuff to me. Ugh, just, how do you overcome nerves and worry?
Also if anyone has tips for things I could try or things I could suggest as part of this role-play thing, that'd be great!
Welcome to the forum! I'll be interested to see what others post here. (Hubby & I are both naturally submissive so we take it in turns to be dominant.)
I know exactly what you mean about playing a character - I don't normally wear make-up but when I'm being dominant I'll put on a fair bit of make-up so I'm "in character".
With talking dirty I find it easiest to just say what's on my mind eg "I love the way your cock feels inside me" or "Wow! that feels amazing" or simply "Fuck me" it all sounds awful out of context & can't really be planned but in the heat of the moment it's all fine.
Do you have the right outfits for this? My wife and I switch off on being dominant, and the fetish outfits I have bought her really help her get into the mindset during her dominant sessions, not to mention turning me on at the same time. I've also found the pleaser dominant line of shoes and boots to be really sexy
Also, I'm a firm believer in taking this one step at a time. Building up is more fun. U dont need to become a hard core dominatrix over night
Hey, thanks for the replies & advice. I read the blog post and it's useful, yay.
Bulldog, I don't own any outfits as I've never really thought about doing it before, and I'm not sure I'd be into fetish gear, but I do own some boots that I think might work quite well. I mentioned them in passing to the bf and he sounded quite enthusiastic anyway! I know what you mean though, maybe wearing a particular top or something would help me get into character so I don't keep remembering it's me, haha.
My wife loves this outfit. Most men with a pulse love the schoolgirl fantasy. That is why Britney spears sold so many albums from that early video. You could wear this and be naughty tutor
To be honest you don't even need fetish wear to be Dominant, just dressing up in some sexy Lingerie and stockings, heels, surprise him with it tell him to strip or strip him so he's naked and exposed make him sit on the floor, and its amazing how the dynamic changes! He will be putty in your hands ;O)
Hello all... i'd like to give my 2 cents to this one as its helped in the past... I also think that accessories help make it easier to get comfortable. My ex always wore little makeup in general, until her more dom side came out in the bedroom, at which point the dark eye shadow came out and i was blown away by the change in character... but my tip would be something else that might help you with your shyness to be comfortable with your darker side... WIGS ... these can be a great way to distance yourself from the person you normally are.
So in essence you are playing another personality. plus it gives the added bonus of surprise as the sub will not know how this new person will act... and you yourself will be surprised at the transformation in yourself as soon as you put on the wig and check yourself out in the mirror.
Hair is one of the main primary identifiers in human recognition, so it plays a key role in a persons perception of another person's physical as well as mental attributes. So having a few wigs in the closet of differing colour and style literally is a way of having a few personas on stock... maybe a long black one with fringe for your strict mistress persona, or a long flowing red one for a more fiery femdom.
but one bit of advice on this... Always invest in good products, since if you buy a poor quality wig, you will not be happy and always worrying about it. Wonderland wigs are excellent quality and relatively cheap at £15-20.
And as always... communication between the two of you is key... really find out and be honest with each other what you want, without spoiling the fantasy too much and knowing too much. Get each other to write down what each of you want to do to each other on pieces of paper, and then put them in a hat and pick them out at random. This provides a level of separation from direct conversation if you feel too shy to talk about it directly.
Hope it helps... and as always have fun corrupting him... hehehe;)