Hi, i have only just found this forum and this is my first post, so i apologise if my post is to long or to graphic.

Well i guess i should start by saying that me and my gf are in a loveing committed relationship, and for some background info i am 24 and she is 18, i am quite experienced sexually and she was a virgin when we got together (and so she has only ever had one sexual partner), Also we are both open minded sexually, and have tried out just about everything each other would like to try, and if it helps to know she is a submissive and likes to be dominated.

A couple of months ago my gf told me she would like to have a 3some (being spitroasted) and was also keen on the idea of double penertration, i told her at the time i wasnt interested and she quickly said how she had only been jokeing, i knew that she wasnt but let the matter rest there. Recently i noticed she had been watching a lot of dp based porn and so we decided to talk about it again. She told me how dp had been a fantasy of her for as long as she could remember and that it would be fun to try, and also went on to tell me that haveing a 3some and being spitroasted used to be a fantasy of hers but that it wasnt anymore and that her fantasy was now just haveing dp.

I am happy with the idea of a 3some and altho dp isnt something that i am keen on i could probally be convinced to try it, but not with my gf as i have such strong feelings for her. Btw i am not saying i would have a 3some now, because i wouldnt cheat on my gf but i mean the idea of it interests me if i wasnt with my gf i would happily try it. Also we do practice dp regualry with toys etc but never with another man.

Ok so here are my issues :D

I find it hard to believe that haveing a 3some and being spitroasted is no longer a fantasy of her's, as i believe she just said she had gone off the idea soley because i didnt want to, just like when she said she was jokeing a couple of months ago after we originally spoke about it. Does anyone who has similair fantasy's have any thoughts about this?

My biggest issue however is this, my gf wants dp by means of being f***ed by 2 men, not just me alone with toys involved, and this is somehtng i am finding very hard to deal with, and it is driving a wedge between us at the momnet and i fear it will drive us apart. In my opinion when you love someone you dont want to be with anyone else, and the fact that she wants to sleep with another man really does bother me.

She claims she would never do it anyway, altho i think she just says that because i said i dont want to do it. She also says she thinks it is degradeing and whoreish (her word not mine, so sorry if it causes anyone any offense), but at the same time says she thinks it would be fun to try, and im sure if i agreed to it she would want to try it out..

Sorry to waffle on but i felt as much info as possible would make it easier to offer advice, and for like minded women to understand better what she is thinking and so be able to give me a better insight.

I think why i am finding it so hard to deal with is that she keeps contradicting herself. She says she loves the idea of me being the only man she ever sleeps with, that she wouldnt do dp with 2 guys because she thinks it is degradeing and whoreish, but at the same time she says she thinks it would be fun to try and really likes the idea of it.

So does anyone have any advice for me, and can any like minded people help me understand how she is thinking?

Altho she says she would never do it, i find this hard to beleiev and think that if the oppertunity presented itself she might well try it out, as in my experience people do make their sexual fantasises come true (or at least i did) Is that a fair thought to have? Can like minded people tell me if it is easy enough to obstain from doing it?

Also can any likeminded people tell me, is this just a submissive thing (as she is a submissive), and more about being dominated by 2 men? Or is it more about haveing all holes filled so to speak?

Lastly, i am really distressed by the fact that she wants to sleep with another guy (even tho she says she never would), and it is causeing problems between us. Am i being completely unreasonable by being bothered and hurt by it? Afterall we all have fantasy's, but i just cant seem to accept she wants to have sex with another man.

Sorry for such a long post but i had to vent, and sorry for so many questions but this is new ground to me.

All advice welcome, and i am particulary interested to here from women who also fantasise about or that practice dp, any insight to what she is thinking or advice you can offer me would be great.

I am also interested to hear from other men about what they would think if there committed partner that they were in a loveing relationship with wanted to have sex with another man, would it bother you and be a big issue to you? (like i said if it was just some girl it wouldnt bother me, its just that we are in a committed relationship and that i have strong feeling s for her that it such an issue)

Finally does anyone have any advice on what osrt of questions i can ask her for when we speak about it next time, we are very open with each other, so speaking about it inst going to be an issue for us, i just dont know what sort of things to ask and say.

I look forward to your advice/comments


Hi Legsman,

Welcome to the OA - hope you find an answer to your question.

I have several long-running sexual fantasies that I would never want to happen in real life (and I understand this is very common) so your girlfrieend may well be telling the truth. Also, having seen the emotional impact it would have on someone she loves, she may have changed her mind.

You said she wants DP by two men - are you sure? It might be that if you blindfold her and use a toy it might fulfil the physical & mental aspect of her fantasy without causing either of you emotional harm.

Most important thing (from my point of view) is don't force yourself to do it in order to save your relationship - it would likely cause bitter feelings which in themselves could cause untold harm.

I think finding a middle way would be your best bet.

For the record, I'm fascinated by DP porn, it excites me a lot but I have no desire to act it out with two men - my husband is the only man I want in my bed.

Hope this helps


Trust is a big thing in relationships. It's what calms the fears that come from having strong feelings about them and it's what makes sharing our fantasies work.

Fantasies are fantasies. We share them with our lovers because we feel safe to do and it's indicative of the intimicay in the relationship, not a prediction of cheating.

I have a fantasy involving four women and a bottle of Dom Perignon but I wouldn't cheat on someone for an orgasm. If it did mean more to me, I would leave them first anyway.

In these situations I think people have three choices:

  1. Spend all your time worrying and fretting that your girlfriend is cheating on you, and is she is, break up. That way you've had months of pain drawn out and you hate her ever afterwards.
  2. Spend all your time worrying and fretting that your girlfriend is cheating on you, and she isn't, and end up hating yourself for it.
  3. Don't worry about it. Cheaters are always, always found out and if she is then you can wash your hands of it and move on without a heavy heart. And if she isn't cheating, then you didn't waste time torturing yourself and what you have is a happy girlfriend and boyfriend.

Ask yourself, now that you're happy to have a threesome, would you cheat on her to experience that? Do you think she would be jealous is she knew about some of your sexual daydreams?

Threesomes that involve one's partner are meant to be about a shared experience. Both people in that relationship gain something from having a third party. If there's a hint of jealousy, that's a red flag to never have a threesome, but it's not a death knoll for your relationship.

Trust is important though. And if that's lacking in a relationship it may be time to work on that or be with someone you do trust.

I hope you come to some answers.

This is an excellent way to pose the question and I hope you get many replies that are helpful to you. You obviously care about her a lot and hope things work well.

I think if you have any reservations then don't at all even consider indulging in it. Its unlikely to make anything better.

Communication, almost always helps. Consider how you reacted when she told you that made her change her mind... Personally I don't think I'll ever be into the thought of another man with my girlfriend but I know we're open enough to discuss it, in my head I'd love to see her with a lady, in reality maybe not. I mention my circumstance because I think fantasies are so dissimilar to real life. I want to see my girlfriend with the purely sexual fun bits but not another person. Perhaps this is the same for your girlfriend? In her head your girlfriend may of 'detached' the penis of another bloke, from the bloke, if that's the case then its not another bloke she wants just another pleasurable experience. I can understand why this us upsetting but it doesn't mean she wants another man, she just wants to be a bit of a hedonist, which ain't so bad!

If she respects and loves you as much as she should its unlikely she'll cheat. If she can show self restraint in other aspects of life its unlikely she'll just have to have this!

As for the sub thing, well maybe... She might just enjoy being used in a way.

Good luck and hope to see you back.

Hi Legman and welcome to the forums

I think the thing that stands out to me is the fact that your partner has a fantasy and has said she won't ever act on it because you don't like the idea...that's the absolute definition of love if you ask me!

We can't all like the same things, but if you have expressed to your partner that you feel as strongly about DPing as you would about cheating and she's said "ok I won't do it" then that's love and committment right there for you, she feels more strongly about you than she does about the fantasy!

We all have fantasies, it doesn't mean we have to act on them!

As for your insecurities about being enough for her...I can assure you that it's very likely that when she fantasises about DPing, she's not thinking about having sex with another man as such, it's more just the idea of having a "body"....you obviously give her everything she needs else she wouldn't be prepared to give up her fantasy for you.

Hope you overcome your worries.

Good luck