I recently lost the friendship of somebody ive know for 9 years. She wasnt happy that i had voiced my concerns about the fact that she had been with her boyfriend for 6 months and had already gotten engaged even though, they dot live together and hadnt even known eachother that long. Am i the only person who thinks there is something wrong with this? xx
Nope iv got to agree unless of course she wasn't taking the proposal seriously and was just looking for a new piece of bling
I wouldn't say 'wrong' specifially, but is something I would be concerned about if it were one of my friends. Having said that, I too would let them know, and so I think you did the right thing, and as bas as losing the friendship must be, I hope you don't feel guilty over something that is her fault.
I agree with you and think it's too soon, but that's not for us to say.
It's her choice and all she wants you to say is "congratulations" she doesn't want to be told that you don't agree with her decision. Hope you can make up!
if you tell her youre worried or against it it'll just make her want to be with him more
we humans are funny things.
I agree it may be a bit soon, but everyone's circumstances are different. Me and the Mrs have been together for similar time. She may be the one, and we click. However, we have not lived together and I think it's far too soon for me to get down on one knee.
Hope your friend realised you are only looking out for her an you make up
A different perspective from first date to wedding was 6 months and we lasted 13 years until he died.
We are all different and sometimes you just know. My current partner moved in within a couple of months of us meeting. so far so good.
xGGx
From one perspective, as lame as it sounds, sometimes you just know.
From the other perspective, It can put a huge strain on people living together and can completely uproot a friendship/relationship, it completely depends on the couple though.
I knew that If I lived with my OH at the moment it would be a complete disaster, we would be the most unproductive couple, nothing would get done and my life would go downhill, however I love him and I know that with time it will probably work, but that is something for the future and I mean a few more years!
I think it's difficult to say. It depends on each individual couple. I knew after 6 months with my partner I would be with him forever (although we only got engaged 5 years later) and we've been together coming up to 7 years. But we were long distance and as a result of that and our personalities we knew each other inside out by that stage and with the long distance still had the opportunity to maintain other relationships (friends and family) without getting so "caught up" that we were blinded by our closeness.
Mind had I told anyone that I knew I was going to be with him forever when I met him at just 15 I'd have been met with a similar response which is why we waited so long to get engaged (and even then we were met with some doubt from the family).
So it's difficult. There are many people who I knew at school (who weren't engaged) who were together 5 and 6 years who ended up splitting so there are plenty of committed couples who don't last either. It's impossible to have a blanket rule on time frames like this. Either way, it's generally a bad idea to voice your concerns because (as you've learnt) it can lead to a friend becoming defensive and being upset which can cause problems. Maybe if you get in touch and tell her you'll support her (without saying you've changed your view - you don't have to back down but do be tactful) and that way if it does go down hill as you suspect, she's got a friend who supports her! It's up to you whether you think she's worth keeping as a friend though if she dropped you over something so small (again, it's a judgement on each individual person - I had a friend who was quite immature in terms of relationships so when she first got with her fella it took her a year or so to work out when she should put him first and when friends come first and we all perservered and all is fine now!).
Lots of ifs and maybes as is always the way!
Adx
It really depends on the people.
My OH and I met, were dating within 2 weeks, engaged in 3 months, and have now been together 7 years. We had a lot of people tell us we were wrong when we got engaged, but we've proved them wrong.
Then again, other friends waited 5 years to get engaged, stayed engaged for 5 years, and have now decided they don't like each other any more and have split up.
Life is never simple or predictable!
we committed to buying a house and living together within a couple of months of meeting, an engagement is just an agreement in principle it can easily be broken. sometimes you know someone is "right"
I think you have the right to express your opinion if you care about this friend... as long as you presented her with your opinions in a non-patronizing manner. If she does not want to be your friend after that then maybe she didn't deserve you in the first place!
naughtywildfun90 wrote:
I recently lost the friendship of somebody ive know for 9 years. She wasnt happy that i had voiced my concerns about the fact that she had been with her boyfriend for 6 months and had already gotten engaged even though, they dot live together and hadnt even known eachother that long. Am i the only person who thinks there is something wrong with this? xx
I just read this post again, i would say living together was a much bigger step than getting engaged. Many women see getting engaged as a bit of fun and a good party, not a serious life time commitment
Many people these days get engaged before moving in togethre, it's more of a 'sjow of commitment' and I don't see anything wrong at the 6 month dating mark to express a feeling such as this. HOWEVER, if they were to get married within the next 6 months, without experience of living together and getting to really know eachother, I'd be concerned for a good friend.
But you have to realise that the saying goes 'fools rush in', so whatever you say too her right at this moment, whilst she is still giddy and excited, will only come back like a thunder storm, she will not acknowledge your concerns.
I'd like to take my time in a relationship, for me, I wouldn't even consider an engagement unless I'd been with a guy a min. of 1 year from the moment of seriousness (if that makes sense). I wouldn't even consider marriage unless we'd been living together for a year. So for me 'going the distance' before signing on that dotted line is a must.
As everyone else has put, everyone is different and some people manage to make things work from the outset whereas other people want to wait a bit longer. An engagement isn't marriage; she can slip that ring right off her finger if things don't turn out right. I've been with my OH a year this month, and although we aren't living together (we're looking at the moment) I would say yes if he asked me. To me, engagement is more of a promise that you're comitted to each other rather than saying, 'right, now we're engaged we have to go and get married'.
You say you've been friends with her for 9 years. If it doesn't turn out the way she hoped and things go tits up for her, then I'm sure she'll come back to you needing your support. And that isn't a chance for you to say I told you so :D. Love does funny things to us, eh?