Ever get embarassed or disgusted with what you just did? I do.

I have a brilliant and open minded wife who does and tries lots for me.

We have times when we have "normal" sex and we have times when she basically dominates me, basically. During this, what i'll call domination sex, foreplay consists of me describing what I would like her to do to me or she describes what she wants to do to me. I find this a massive, massive turn on.

Although when talking dirty I say or she says "I want you to do X, Y and Z", we only tend to last for X and we know it. We both suggested that we shall have a 30 min break and then do Y and Z.

The sex amazing and I dont want it to end. However moments after I orgazum I feel quite embarassed with what's happened and what has been done to me. The thought it being done disgusts me, the thought of wanting it to be done disgusts me even more. I can't even comprehend why I wanted Y and Z done to me too.

Now all of these things are things I suggested and love. During our dirty talk foreplay, not moments before, my body tingles with excitement and my heart pounds over the thought of doing these things.

However seconds after orgazum that excitement is changed to shame, embarassment and disgust.

I don't think this is a problem. I'm bound to get some effect from the massive and sudden drop in hormones and adrenaline.

This is very short lived as a few hours later I want to do it all again and then some.

Does anyone else get this emotional swing moments after sex? or is it me?

i do get orgasm shame on occasion an i have NEVER known why . im sorry this isnt much help but ... at least youre not alone . i DO thnk its something to do with the ( like you said ) huge rise & drop in hormones & stimulusbut either way when it happens its WRETCHED . .

re-reading ...... do the things you desire / yearn for have any significance to your past ? i knwo that sounds cheeesy but sometimes shit you went thru as a younger person an had bad experiences with can linger . i dont neccesarily mean as a kid or anything - just things youd mentioned to prior partners an made to feel crap about perhaps ?

The real question I would ask is what is X,Y and Z......( you dont have to answer that)

however what I would say is that what you are doing is consensual and I have no doubt been done before, then as long as its not illegeal then there is no need to be shameful.

But that doesnt stop you from feeling this way, and equally what you are feeling is normal, only to extremes so you get the enjoyment, excitement, everything builds up to a peak and then the fall is the shame. All normal human feelings......

DOnt beat yourself up about what you are doing, dont beat yourself about how you feel before, during and after.

The one thing I would suggest is if this is affecting your behaviour you may want to discuss it with your partner, incase they get the wrong idea. Im not suggesting they will have but just be mindfull.

yeah be careful with how you ACT during these bouts of shameful feelings as you may end up making your OH , who has only done / partici[ated in what you asked of them ... to feel badly x

Rubysoho, I have a very good life. Brought up by 2 great parents, enjoyed school did well and was popular. I have a decent job which pays enough to live not lots of luxuaries but I never go without. I've had and having a wonderful life when I think of it. So no deep down emotional scars to find there.

Shy guy: X,Y Z is light bondage, (being tied up in different positions, blind fold etc) toys, nipple clamps, medium whipping (no marks left), wax, pegging etc. Nothing illegal, nothing that draws blood or leaves long lasting marks; and nothing that many open minded people haven't tried or already do. All are things I suggested and things she enjoys doing.

It is really hard to describe it. Its not a deepressing shame or embarassment or regret more of a "what was I thinking?" or "why did I think that?"

Imagine you have gone to the pub for your dinner and you order Gammon and Chips with pinapple and egg (yes both), because Gammon and chips is what you really want.

You are scoffing your face with this great food each bite tastes better and better until you realise you are full and release a great big burp. Seconds after you realise you have eaten too much and feel a little sick because of it. You look at your plate. There you see raw egg, uncooked pork, a block of tree bark mixed with some lumps manure filled soil, swimming in veg oil. Looking at it you think
"Is this what I've eathen? Why would I like this? Why would I think I'd like this? This is disgusting and Im embarrased be seen eathing this" and you walk away from the table.

A few mins later you feel normal return to the table slowly finish off the last of your lovely gammon and chips.

Sounds stupid, but that's what it feels like.

I have already told my wife I sometimes feel weird afterwards and Im the mood goes very quickly so I dont want to carry on. She knows the feeling is very short lived and she knows I loved it as most times I have to lie down for 10 mins to calm down as my body is shaking with adrenaline.

LIke I said, I dont think I have a problem and its not a problem in our relationship I just wondered if anyone else sometimes gets this massive tempoary emotional drop after adrenaline filled sex which fades away after a few moments.

I have a friend who used to have problems like that Robet, he said he believes it was because he was raised religiously and thought what he was doing was morally wrong this was usually after he masterbated ect he'd feel quite disguisted with himself. I'm not sure if this is your problem with regards to it at all.

Other people out there do have the same kind of problems, I think in a way it's just accepting what it is that you like and so long as it's not hurting anyone else / illegal then there's nothing wrong with indulging and there's not anything wrong with the act itself.

I hope you manage to feel better emotionally about it afterwards.

I know what you mean. In a previous relationship we indulged in the same activities as those you describe. We both wanted to and both enjoyed. Nothing illegal and both fully consenting. Yet afterwards I would feel...i don't know how to describe it. Like you did. It never stopped me wanting to do it again though. I didn't tell my partner at the time so I don't know if he felt the same.

Now, I still find those same things a turn on but read about them in carefully selected erotica rather than do them, as it isn't my partners thing. I still sometimes feel ashamed and embarrassed that those kind of things turn me on, but its not something anyone can control.