Every joke is a Dad joke

I started telling everybody about the benefits of eating dried grapes

Its about raisin awareness

6 Likes

Who made king Arthurs round table?

Sir Cumference

5 Likes

Just a quick update from the zoo.

There have been reports that the missing leopard was spotted…

3 Likes

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed: Desperate

The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)……

Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download Snoring Loudly Beta version.

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.
In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Cooking 3.0.

Good Luck

Tech Support

6 Likes

What do you call a cavemans fart?

a blast from the past

2 Likes

Why dont seagulls fly into bays?

because if they did they would be bagels

1 Like

What do you call a hippies wife?

mississippi

2 Likes

What do you call a fake noodle?

an impasta

2 Likes

My favorite joke of all time.

What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

3 Likes

Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antique Roadshow

“Ooh” said the presenter “this is a very rare breed, do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?”

“Sticks” replied Paddy

2 Likes

A Yorkshireman walks into a Vets

“Summat up wi’ t’cat”

Vet: “is it a Tom?”

Yorkshireman: “no it’s ere int basket”

2 Likes

Where do bad rainbows go? Prism!
It’s a light sentence and gives them time to reflect.

10 Likes

Can’t believe I had to scroll this far down for the greatest joke of all time :rofl:

3 Likes

@For_Your_Eyes_Only_x

Why was the cat sitting on the computer?

To keep an eye (and paw) on the mouse!

Your cat seems appropriately unamused by this Dad Joke :joy:

4 Likes

This is exactly what I was looking for!

Well done @Peitho, round of a paws for you :wink: :clap:

3 Likes

Just to let anyone who got a book from at Christmas that it’s due back at the library next Monday.

3 Likes

I’ve just been writing my will and I’ve decided to donate my organs. My son can have the Hammond, my daughter the Wurlitzer.

2 Likes