Female led relationships

Hey guys and gals,

My girlfriend and I have always enjoyed a fairly kinky relationship. Pretty much since we started going out, she has enjoyed being the dominant partner and I have enjoyed being the submissive. It's been an absolutely fantastic arrangement for us and we both have incredible sex, mostly because we trust one another and communicate well. Recently, we've discussed the possibility of allowing our dominant/submissive tendencies to move from the bedroom into other aspects of our relationship. From what I've read on the internet, this is what's called a 'female led relationship', where both partners acknowledge that the female is the dominant partner and 'head' of the relationship.

It's only been over the last couple of weeks or so but it feels like an arrangement that works well for us, we basically maintain a 50/50 'normal' relationship, but with the understanding that she's in charge. I know most relationships naturally have a dominant partner and a submissive partner, I guess we've just been more open about it than couples normally would.

Are any of you in this kind of relationship? I understand it's a little obscure so I doubt i'll get too many responses, but for those of you in female led relationships, do you have any advice? How did it start for you? How is it working out now? Are there any pitfalls and traps to avoid?

We've had a fantastic relationship thus far and I can't see anything spoiling that, but it would be helpful to be a little more aware of how the relationship may change in the future.

Interesting question. My OH is naturally a sub and although we are equals she enjoys me having the responsibility of making decisions for her in many cases.

I'm sure with such complicated dynamics many people will be unaware of being in such a relationship and some more will be unwilling to label themselves as in this type of relationship (I personally don't like the term 'head of the relationship' so I can understand potential discomfort with it). I think it's great you've found something that works for you both (assuming it isn't just a case of anyone leading by being able to immediately 'override' the other).

Well, Mrs Monster definitely "wears the trousers" in our relationship. Not sure it's as dominant/submissive as you have in mind, because we pretty much agree on things, but she's the organised one, the high earner, the efficient and driven one. I have issues with confidence and achievement which could possibly change for the better, putting me on a more equal footing, but at the moment she's definitely in charge.

However, she has asked that I take charge more in the bedroom, so perhaps that ability to switch off is something that your lady might like to retain in certain parts of her life? You can't be "on" all the time...

Hope you get some interesting responses ( I think you will!)

Mr Monster.

I'd say my OH is the dominant one, he is a lot older then me and has more experience when it comes to certain situations, so I'm happy for him to take the lead. Although in the bedroom it's a completely different story

i guess i am a little weird in this situation. in my past relationships and flings i've been the more vocal one at defining the paramaters of the relationship ( eg " are we commited and monogomous or are we just casual sex") But i am submissive through and through. I think me being assertive is more because i thrive on routine and certainty rather than it being a dominant trait though.

if your relationship works for you then go for it and don't worry! so long as you are both happy then it's really no one else's buisness to be meddling or saying something is wrong

I think we're both clueless!!!

I'm in a similar situation to WandA. I'm naturally the submissive one in the relationships. I think it's probably due to the fact that I'm indecisive and my OH is much more assertive. We're still 50/50 on everything though but I think my OH is more of the "head" of the relationship. I won't ever say that to him though lol but I think it's a mutual understanding. I have a bit of an ego =P. I think we agree that we both will do our bit 50/50 with regards to work/finance and home etc.

I quite like that thought though as it feels like a form of protection from my OH. Of course with regarding some things I'm better and vice versa.

As for in the bedroom I prefer my OH to take charge. I think we may have to mix it up more though- I just need to boost my confidence a little with being dominant.

We're very much the opposite to the question but I guess it's interesting none the less. I'd be very happy to live a completely submissive life in our relationship. In reality WandA wouldn't be very comfortable with that and I admire the freedom he gives me (even if often I choose not to take it). I'm very indecisive and love the security of being "looked after" and "guided". It works for me and WandA because he has *my* best interests at heart so I get everything I need/want but get to be submissive too. But it's not a completely sub/dom relationship because WandA wouldn't be comfortable with that so it's a compromise. He is fairly dominant because he's the practical one and a good decision maker.

We share most things but I do most of the "female" things (because I'm good at them/enjoy them) and he does most of the male for the same reason (though I class cooking as a male role since that's what I was brought up with and WandA does that too - some may see that as a more "female" role - not that there really should be these "designations" but that's a different discussion!)


I think we are pretty 50/50 although OH Is much more assertive than me, I really am quite bubble headed at times, although he wouldn't dare tell me what to do with my life and nor mine with his... although he frequently speaks sense!! haha... !!! That being said he is much more dom in the bedroom than real life!

Hey guys, cheers for making the effort to respond, some great responses!

From what I've read it seems that many of you already have a dominant/submissive partner, which I guess is the norm for most people (even if they don't overtly state it), I think we're just looking to expand on certain aspects.

We're both more comfortable in our respective roles, and currently the only aspect of our domme/sub relationship that regularly impacts 'every day life' is that I allow her full control over my orgasms, which sometimes comes back to haunt me!

We're currently of the age where we have no real responsibilities (23 - unmarried, no shared house, bills, kids etc.), but I'd imagine that as we do take on more responsibilities, her current dominant role would progress to that of 'head of the household'. This is the part I'm seeking advice over, can it really work with women being HOH? I don't mean that to sound sexist or anything, it's just that all things considered men often fill that role, do any of you have any experience to the contrary?

I guess I'll find out how things will progress as the years go by, can't help but be excited by the prospect though!

RJ, it can and does work. You just have to be happy with it.

Good luck!


I would suggest reading a very useful book on the subject called the The Mistress Manual it can be found on Love Honey. X

Hey, this is interesting.... I am totally head of the household. We were both on similar incomes until our youngest was 6 months old, since then have taken it in turns working / staying home, swapping every couple of years. He's always in charge of the car, simply 'cause that's his trade, and I don't drive!! He's quite passive, where as I tend to go after what I want. We have set roles really, happened naturally, but I do get final say on most big decisions (only 'cause i'm usually right Lol) We've been through all sorts of stuff, and we're still OK. We had kids pretty quick though, it's really all we've known- so there was no boat to rock- if you know what i mean. I don't get flustered or stressed easily, he does. And my upbringing made me quite indipendent from a young age, he was pretty pampered (bless 'im) So, it works for us.....

regular_john wrote:

his is the part I'm seeking advice over, can it really work with women being HOH? I don't mean that to sound sexist or anything, it's just that all things considered men often fill that role, do any of you have any experience to the contrary?

my mother was and still is the head of the household. she pays the bills, does the shopping, organises her and my dad's social life, doctors appointments and all sorts. theyve been married now for 26 years and are both happy.