Hi all, my oh always says she is unsure if she had an orgasm and doesn't no what one feels like.
I'd assume you'd no if you've had one?
After so long when using fingers or a toy she push me away as says it get too sensitive.
Can anyone advise on how I can help her orgasm?? And how to prevent her getting too sensitive?
I also get really sensitive, just need to find a different position/angle in my experience. For me when I get close I get almost ticklish and I think the problem is the stimulation is too direct. I move my toy around till it feels good again, or turn it off for a few seconds. Or I tell my partner to be more gentle and/or move
When you say too sensitive do you mean everywhere or her clitoris? Because it's the latter for me, so stimulation next to it (Left, right above or below) helps me get there
Also she'd definitely know if she had one
I've never tried any but you can get different lubes, so a desensitising one might be good?
She needs to chill out and just enjoy how it feels and not think about having an orgasm, and I find thinking sexy thoughts can help, or watching porn? For me remembering porn or thinking about my partner helps, and I switch between thinking about how good something feels to the hotness of it all, then back and forth
It took me a lot of masturbation to get there, and I didn't have an orgasm with a partner till my current OH but there was a lot of times where I'd just tell him it wasn't happening but I had fun. I know there were times he felt bad and I could have faked it but I wanted to figure stuff out. It's good she's talking about it and that you're trying to find a way to help
My OH does also get sensitive and she also tells me to take it easy which I do and move about. Like you little mugs sometimes it just not going to happen but we still enjoy the session,I guess women different then men as we generally always climax, my problem can be trying not to climax too soon
I didn't realise sensitivity was so common! Start slow, with kisses and play with her boobs/nipples and get her really turned on first, then when you think she can't wait any longer or you know she's going crazy play with her but start slow, don't just start going for it, you've got to build it up. If it feels like there's pressure to orgasm it's so much more difficult. Anticipation can help and being turned on definitely will. Use lube too, vaginas can dry out and I was embarrassed to tell my partner at first that I needed it - she may not even know that could help!
To sum up; get her hot and bothered, make sure she knows there's no pressure and just to enjoy herself/think sexy thoughts, when you get to it use lube, and if she gets sensitive move positions or try being less direct.
Don't get disheartened if it doesn't work first time, it can take work learning how to climax - it did for me but now I know how to make it happen most of the time :)
The first O is the hardest to get, but it's worth the work
Sidenote, if she's on medication that can change her sex drive that could be causing problems. I was on antidepressants for a long time and it made it really difficult to finish - which wasn't an issue once I realised the cause.
I'm guilty of being "too enthusiastic " sometimes and my oh asks me to be more gentle so it quite common
My OH can get carried away and perhaps have 3-6 multiple orgasms in one session but then she will be a little tender the next day.
Hey Curiousme
The female orgasm is very different to the male orgasm, I think. And we have many different types of orgasm (just to confuse the matter lol)
I think perhaps your OH is having small orgasms... I describe orgasms as kind of like climbing up a big hill...the feelings get stronger and stronger...higher and higher... then bang - I'm tipped over the edge...I feel like I've taken a huge jump and I'm literally flying...swooping and soaring for several minutes before free-falling back to earth (with a big smile on my face!)
The strength of my orgasm really depends on HOW I'm tipped over the edge. If the same stimulation is continued until I'm there, I'll have a biggy, but if I'm almost there....teetering on the edge, then something changes...like pressure on my clit or G-Spot, or even if Mr Spider says something I'm not wanting him to say...then I'll feel like I'm just pushed over the edge and skidding down the other side - those kinds of orgasm are nice but weak and not as satisfying. I can also be there...almost but something will happen and the feelings just suddenly fizz out like a wet firework!
Her sensitivity issues may be because she's not wet enough so you're chaffing her..use lots of lube and be gentle. The clitoris is a very sensitive area and lots of women don't like direct stimulation. Use your fingers or a toy which has the speed turned down really low, use one of the patterns too rather than continuous buzz.
Get down there so you can see what you're doing too - many guys fumble away down there...not saying you do... but hey - getting familiar with your OH's bits can only be a good thing. Don't concentrate your touches on just her clit - touch, caress, stroke, lick the whole area. There's a kind of V-shaped area above the clit... the area where no hair grows, I find stroking that area stimulates my clit. I love the 'V' technique. Use two widely parted fingers...kind of forming the letter 'V', slide them down either side of her clit and labia until your fingertips reach her vagina, then maybe dip a finger a tiny bit inside her. Keep sliding your fingers up and down either side of her labia and clit hood, the clit hood will rub her clitoris kind of like your foreskin rubs against your glans - that will make me come as quickly as directly touching my clit.
If she feels she needs direct stimulation with fingers or a vibe but feels the sensitivity is too much... you can use the vibe or your fingers through knickers rather than on the bare clit, that really gets me going too! In a way, it feels kind of naughty and like I'm being seduced, and does help if I'm feeling very sensitive down there.
Just get to know her body, My Love. Touch and caress all of her down there... avoid her clit totally, stroke or lick or even gently pull her labia if they're big enough, whilst occasionally dipping your fingers in her vag..a little deeper each time - tease her - she will get aroused and I bet once you've dipped in slightly a few times she will start arching her back, trying to get your fingers in deeper by altering how she's laying - but don't let her, you stay in control...you decide how deep your fingers go. Stimulate the whole outside region of her vag and anus...until she is really wanting something inside her vag, begging you for it! Then maybe very gently stroke her clitoral hood, very gently run your fingers up and down it gradually increasing the pressure until her clit has grown and is visible and out of the hood. Don't touch it directly as it will be really really sensitive... keep wanking her clit with the hood or use the 'V' technique again. Don't stop until she comes... it may take a while but be patient.
Wow - better stop - this is turning into porno lol. Hope some of my suggestions help you, My love - when she comes big style she will know - if your fingers are inside you may feel her muscles spasms, especially if your fingers are deep, for me, the walls of my uterus, vagina, anus, actually my whole pelvic floor contact - I think I go deaf and blind during orgasm too lol. I'm lucky, I have strong, intense orgasms really quite easily though - but it does take practice to come like that with both Solo or with a good patient partner.
Hi all, I've never had an orgasm either and I've tried so many different techniques, with my last partner I gave up all hope and just enjoyed the process so it's not that I'm too focussed, anyone know anything I can do to finally get there? I feel like I'm missing out haha
Sensitivity is such a big issue and I experience it too. Funnily enough if a partner tries to use a clitoral vibrator on me it feels different than if I am using it. Even if I am holding their hand to the area I like to be stimulated.
I used to also find that I get so sensitve that it just ends up uncomfortable and I would be even a bit tickilish? Never found a solution unfortunately. Literally just took things into my own hands haha.
I think it would be a good idea for her to explore on her own first. I think it's incredibly difficult for someone else to make you orgasm if you have no idea what one feels like or no idea what you need to get your rocks off.
If she's controlling the session with no pressure, she can make minor adjustments as her body responses to the stimulation and learn where those right spots are for her. After she's had some practice she can show you where she likes to be touched and how much pressure she likes used etc.
Some people are naturally more sensitive than others. Some people also respond to new stimulation by subconsciously tensing up which could explain why she pushes away after a certain point. She may have had a small orgasm already and became sensitive afterwards, the vibrator might have the wrong type of vibrations for her or she may be about to reach that point and tensing up as she doesn't know what to expect. This is why exploring on her own would probably be really beneficial for both of you.
For my OH an orgasm only happened a few times over the years we have been together until I bought a Rocks Off vibrator and used it on her. She liked the sensation and there was no mistaking her orgasm. It surprised both of us at the reaction that a little toy could make. There is no mistaking when she has an orgasm, all reservation and shyness disappear in the body's actions that can't be suppressed.
I realise that I can't get such a reaction with me inside of her, but for me to see her having such a pleasurable time is satisfying anyway.
To refer to the original post, I was someone who had her first known orgasm rather late - like when I was 23 or 24? I cannot really remember. But what I realized over time is that I could have them in the past, but they were so small and I just could miss them. As time went by, I just realized that I can have strong, or very weak orgasms. A lot depends on the mood and lot of other factors - how aroused i get, if the stimulation moves the wrong way at the wrong moment, etc - as LadySpider mentioned before me.
I would encourage her to explore abit alone, without you involved. I am not saying that you are bad partner/lover, but lets be honest, it was easier for me in the beginning to just focus on myself and do not have to worry about a guy - if I am pleasing him, how to tell him I did not hit orgasm, or simply just needing a longer time to get there. Let her explore - try different toys and different things. Learning about myself alone really helped me with a partner.
I think LadySpider really gave some good tips in her post and I have to agree with her.
Good luck 