Hi, Me and my girl friend have sex fairly often but she cannot have an orgasm no matter what we try. HELP!!
This is a tricky one as a lot depends on what you've already tried, as well as if she's had them before (either alone or with someone else). Then you have to consider whether she's stressed or not, or whether she's somewhere she can properly relax, and whether you are both comfortable having an open discussion about what is or isn't working. (And that is by no means an exhaustive list).
Could you give us a little more information on the particular circumstances? You might find that helps get you some specific advice.
The most important question: does she know how to make herself orgasm? If she doesn't you should encourage her to find out what feels good for her, better on her own, so she can relax. If she does, make it easy for her to tell you exactly what she enjoys one step at a time. Tell her you would love to know how she touches herself so you can learn how to please her or tell her she can please herself while being with you, and you'd also love that. Masturbating together and mutual masturbation open the path for mutual knowledge.
She tells me that she is happy and relaxed. She has never had an orgasm either by herself or with a partner. And yes we can talk about sex with nothing held back. I have just ordered a clit vacuum pump to try, it hasn't come yet so will have to wait to try that.
We've just bought a little vibrating clit pump too. It's not something we've tried before, but as it was in the sale I thought 'why not?' 🙂 Not had an opportunity to try it yet, but it looks like it's going to be fun.
I think a good thing to remember is that an orgasm isn't the be all and end all, sex can be very pleasurable without climaxing. Sometimes adding the pressure to perform can have the opposite effect and actually make an elusive orgasm that much harder to achieve. So make sure you enjoy yourselves, and if it starts to get frustrating take a step back and concentrate on making her feel relaxed and content. You don't want her to feel like she's failed in any way.
What kind of stimulation have you tried so far, and what does she prefer (eg. clitoral, g-spot, anal)? And do you have any toys/tricks that get her really close?
I think it is not easy for a woman to start being orgasmic with a partner. I would encourage her to explore herself, with hand or toys, and try to find what she likes most first on her own.
Orgasm sheldom means the same for woman and for man, I agree with that, and while she explores herself on her own, you can still explore your sexuality together, not making orgasm the goal. But many times when a woman is not able to orgasm in any way is not due to any kind of inabitity but to lack of self knowledge, self appreciation, patience (yes: we, woman, tend to be very impatient with ourselfs, as we are told by society that we should be able to orgasm within a certain amount of time and with a certain amount and kind of stimulation).
If she's as it seems confident with you, you can help her go a little further in her self knowledge and that is going to be great for both. Throught this site there are lots of tools for clitoral stimulation (The way most of woman orgasm) some of them quite versatile (thing you can use for pin point stimulation, wide stimulation and also internal) like
Lelo Mona 2 (https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=26151)
or a wand with attachments (for clitoral, internal stimulation) to explore different sensations.
https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=28657
https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22683
https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30700
There's also a book I would suggest (for everyone interested in orgasms and their issues): "Come as you are" by Emily Nagoski.