Hi, I'm a new newbie here with lots of questions, but this is my first! I've searched the forums but haven't found an answer to my question, so here goes.........
Ive had a long break, about 10 years of having no interest or desire in sex... This has recently changed, but I have an obstacle I need to overcome to get the most out of enjoying my new found libido. I've always mastubated on my tummy, moving my body against an object, be it the heels of my hands or a pillow. Until recently I thought I was the only one although I've since read it's not so uncommon. This method, however, is very much a solo activity and I can't 'help myself' along during sex. I've spent a while experimenting with using my fingers but I simply can't get any pleasure that way, after a while everything seems to go numb and I give up. Direct touch on my clit is almost unpleasant. My partner is fantastic at oral and I can have a small, kind of mentally forced orgasm that way but I would really love to be able to have the kind of climax I can give myself with him. He's the first person I've ever really been able to be open with and if I can't get it to work with him then I never will!
I tried a vibrator years ago but to be honest didn't really know what to do with it. I'd love to know if anyone on here has had a similar issue or has any ideas that could help me? I should probably also say that I've never been able to fantasise. My partner would love me to tell him my fantasies, and act on them, but I just can't conjure anything up. So my mind isn't much help there really.
apologies for the long post, and thanks for reading! I'd be very grateful for any help or tips 
It is never easy to give advice not knowing you.
My wife masturbates on her front with a cloth, usually humping one of my tee shirts.
If you want penetration at the same time, Put your derriere in the air by use of pillows so you can still touch yourself, Penetration is relative small laying on your front, more if you use the pillows and if you pull one leg up and he straddles the other, he will be able to get deeper and more pleassurable for him and perhaps both of you. Or do all 3
Just cliterous stimulation can be like puting your tongue on a battery, try stimulating clit, lips and urethra together without any deep penetration,
You're not alone OP! I've got the same problem too! I can't fantasise (fantasising just distracts me and makes it even more difficult, ironically), don't get much pleasure from my fingers, haven't found a toy that works. I've tried various methods from googling and reading forums, etc. and nothing works.
The only thing that helps me masturbate is pressure while lying prone, but even then I've never orgasmed from masturbation. The closest I've come to orgasm is when my partner used his fingers on my clit and applied a fair bit of pressure - gave him quite the workout! Even then I didn't orgasm.
I'm beginning to get the impression that maybe pressure works for me? And not the gentle pinpoint type stimulation most ladies seem to like? Idk. I decided to get onto trying toys to see if they could help remedy this, but I've yet to find anything that works :( If anyone has any suggestions, I'd be super grateful!
The only thing I can think of right now is to perhaps use a dildo but still lie on your tummy. Rub yourself against it instead of penetrating yourself with it to begin with so that it's not so alien to you and progress from there with clitoral toys (a rabbit could work for both methods). Then once use to the feel you could move onto your side and then your back. It may take a while to get to where you want to be but I think it could work. As Alicia said it's a matter of reprogramming just keep trying even if it's just for a few seconds to begin with.
I can't really add any more to what Alicia has said to help you with that at the moment but i will have a think about it and if I think of anything I will get back to you.
Best toy I bought off here (still) is the Tracey Cox rabbit- its amazing ! http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30574 And it's rechargeable!
lmh95 wrote:
captainmeow wrote:
You're not alone OP! I've got the same problem too! I can't fantasise (fantasising just distracts me and makes it even more difficult, ironically), don't get much pleasure from my fingers, haven't found a toy that works. I've tried various methods from googling and reading forums, etc. and nothing works.
The only thing that helps me masturbate is pressure while lying prone, but even then I've never orgasmed from masturbation. The closest I've come to orgasm is when my partner used his fingers on my clit and applied a fair bit of pressure - gave him quite the workout! Even then I didn't orgasm.
I'm beginning to get the impression that maybe pressure works for me? And not the gentle pinpoint type stimulation most ladies seem to like? Idk. I decided to get onto trying toys to see if they could help remedy this, but I've yet to find anything that works :( If anyone has any suggestions, I'd be super grateful!
Hi there. I struggled for years to orgasm too. Felt close then nothing it was like a switch had been turned off. Always felt like I needed to pee when with OH so would stop then get to the same something stirring stage then nothing. One day I was lying face up and I'd put on some new lingerie and hold ups. He was playing with my clitoris and nipples while I gave him a hand job and lo and behold it happened. I had my first ever orgasm. I burst out laughing as I got such a surprise and we were both delighted that I wasn't "broken". Since then I've discovered how to get there be myself, discovered toys and had lots of fun figuring out what works. I've even managed to have an orgasm during sex by using a bullet for clitoral stimulation at the same time. Woohoo! Don't give up, try to relax and just enjoy trying new things and you'll get there eventually. Have you thought about trying a clitoral clip or clamp to make your clitoris really sensitive? Orgasm balm or gel helps get things feeling tingly there too and you can buy cooling or warming products here. The Lovehoney magic wand is a great way to get there if you like firm, powerful clitoral stimulation but the Womanizer is a much gentler, lazier way to get there again and again and is fast acting and quiet too. I've always been a prone girl too but have experimented a lot over the last couple of years and I find that kneeling with my bum raised above my heel's and my body upright works really well due to the pressure of gravity when using fingers, a bullet or a rabbit style vibrator. Standing in the shower with one hand against the wall is another favourite. I've also discovered that a bit of anal play with beads or a plug helps too and even just the thought of being penetrated anally can tip me over the edge if I'm really close. This really surprised me as I really didn't think bumfun was something I would like at all. Hope this helps :)
Thanks for the suggestions, will definitely try some! I felt like peeing too when my partner was playing with me! It came and went in waves but I felt like I couldn't quite "tip over". I've tried the mini magic wand and that was too buzzy for me and ended up being quite uncomfortable :(
But I've never thought of using clamps or orgasm balms before - sounds really interesting! Is it safe to use those balms or gels with toys? I've just been sticking to water-based ones and don't really know any water-based that are also special orgasm gels!
This one should be fine from reading through the reviews. I've had this recommend to me and it does sound very good. 😊
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=34567
HI Imh95,
you are not the only one there. I am still searching for that pleasure point with myself and partner as well although I don't currently have a partner to explore with. I was recently told some pointers to try like deep breathing exercises and I find it takes my mind away from how I feel sexually. You could try buying a porn magazine or watching porn movies as I find it takes my mind into what it would feel like by watching.
I also find that the vibration of a toy is more arousing than my finger too. I was also told that it's because of childhood sexual trauma that my body is reacting to, so instead of my body feeling relaxed around sex, it unconsciously tensed. It was also suggested that I try tantra to get relaxed about being touched sexually.
I hope I have shed some light on this for you.
captainmeow wrote:
You're not alone OP! I've got the same problem too! I can't fantasise (fantasising just distracts me and makes it even more difficult, ironically), don't get much pleasure from my fingers, haven't found a toy that works. I've tried various methods from googling and reading forums, etc. and nothing works.
The only thing that helps me masturbate is pressure while lying prone, but even then I've never orgasmed from masturbation. The closest I've come to orgasm is when my partner used his fingers on my clit and applied a fair bit of pressure - gave him quite the workout! Even then I didn't orgasm.
I'm beginning to get the impression that maybe pressure works for me? And not the gentle pinpoint type stimulation most ladies seem to like? Idk. I decided to get onto trying toys to see if they could help remedy this, but I've yet to find anything that works :( If anyone has any suggestions, I'd be super grateful!
It's always good to know you're not alone! Pressure definitely works for me but also tension - squeezing my thighs together usually tips me over the edge. I also find that it's more pleasurable when clothed... You too?
Alicia4Ever wrote:
I just had a thought, if you struggle to think of sexual fantacies, try reading some erotic literature. Literotica.com have a whole range of free erotic stories to read, set out by type.
If you read some of these, something may strike a chord with you, at the very least you will get to see the kind of things other fantacise about; and it may give you something to think about, as regards finding your own.
Thanks for all your advice. I've been a literotica reader for years but somehow have never been able to create anything remotely similar. I will try what you suggested and take it step by step.
captainmeow wrote:
You're not alone OP! I've got the same problem too! I can't fantasise (fantasising just distracts me and makes it even more difficult, ironically), don't get much pleasure from my fingers, haven't found a toy that works. I've tried various methods from googling and reading forums, etc. and nothing works.
The only thing that helps me masturbate is pressure while lying prone, but even then I've never orgasmed from masturbation. The closest I've come to orgasm is when my partner used his fingers on my clit and applied a fair bit of pressure - gave him quite the workout! Even then I didn't orgasm.
I'm beginning to get the impression that maybe pressure works for me? And not the gentle pinpoint type stimulation most ladies seem to like? Idk. I decided to get onto trying toys to see if they could help remedy this, but I've yet to find anything that works :( If anyone has any suggestions, I'd be super grateful!
Another question captainmeow... Do you find when you apply pressure that's it's not direct on your clit, more on your mons?
lmh95 wrote:
Hi there captainmeow.
There is some really good orgasm balms and gels here but please make sure they do say condom safe if you are using condoms for contraception. The bombshell balms are sadly not condom safe but they are fab for solo play.
The Tracey Cox supersex orgasm gel is really good and there is the Lovehoney excite orgasm gel too which has had some really good reviews lately. There is also the Durex play O gel which is a bit pricier but again has some good reviews.
In the descrption it states that these are all condom safe and each product will let you know in the description if it is safe for all toys too.
If you do feel the needing to pee sensation then as long as you've emptied your bladder recently then just keep going, doing what you are doing. Put a towel down or use a waterproof bed mat/waterproof sheet just incase though because it'll let you relax a bit more and if you actually turn out to be a squirter like I have then it'll save a bit of a messy clear up afterwards.
Hope this helps.
Have fun :)
Might need to look for something to lay down on the mattress then! I definitely think a part of the reason why I've not orgasmed is because I'm maybe not relaxed enough. Although I've tried the deep breathing and managed to get distracted by that instead haha. Something to work on! :)
Flyer wrote:
captainmeow wrote:
You're not alone OP! I've got the same problem too! I can't fantasise (fantasising just distracts me and makes it even more difficult, ironically), don't get much pleasure from my fingers, haven't found a toy that works. I've tried various methods from googling and reading forums, etc. and nothing works.
The only thing that helps me masturbate is pressure while lying prone, but even then I've never orgasmed from masturbation. The closest I've come to orgasm is when my partner used his fingers on my clit and applied a fair bit of pressure - gave him quite the workout! Even then I didn't orgasm.
I'm beginning to get the impression that maybe pressure works for me? And not the gentle pinpoint type stimulation most ladies seem to like? Idk. I decided to get onto trying toys to see if they could help remedy this, but I've yet to find anything that works :( If anyone has any suggestions, I'd be super grateful!
Another question captainmeow... Do you find when you apply pressure that's it's not direct on your clit, more on your mons?
Re: feeling better with clothes: I think it depends...sometimes a bit of fabric helps create different sensations because of the texture of the fabric, other times it doesn't really matter. And no, I think I tend to apply more pressure to the vulva area and not so much the mons!