I haven't experienced masturbation very much however I am very turned on by the idea and do find myself touching myself and playing with toys when I'm alone however I struggle a lot to orgasm. Any idea or tips on how to get myself off?
1. Get yourself warmed up by fantasizing, reading a sexy story, or looking at porn. The more aroused you are, the easier you will orgasm
2. Touch your erogenous zones. Use your hands, ice cubes or your toys, especially if you own a vibrator.
3. Consider using lube. You might not be relaxing enough. When I first started using insertable toys, I was kind of nervous and wasn't able to get wet on my own. I used lube until I started getting comfortable with my toys and now no longer need it.
4. Try multiple positions. Lay on your back. Kneel down. Put pillows under you.
5. Don't give yourself a time limit. One of the beauty's of solo play is that you don't have to worry about a partner getting annoyed or frustrated because you haven't orgasmed yet. It's all about you. Take your time. Everyone is different. Some women orgasm really fast, others take awhile to get there.
Great advice from the Lady Ligeia, only play when you feel horney, build up slowly don't jump right in to the hardest fastest speed on your vibrator.
once I have had my first orgasm, I can orgasm again and again in quick succession, untill I'm exhausted.
The Lady Ligeia wrote:
5. Don't give yourself a time limit. One of the beauty's of solo play is that you don't have to worry about a partner getting annoyed or frustrated because you haven't orgasmed yet. It's all about you. Take your time. Everyone is different. Some women orgasm really fast, others take awhile to get there.
All of Ligeia's advice is great. I give a +1 to all of it. But this last piece is the best piece.
If you like the idea and can't keep your hands off your sexy self, then it's safe to assume you are open to self-exploration. Treat it as such - exploration. Don't think of it as a means to an end (yet). And don't let yourself get discouraged if you don't manage to cum quickly, or at all, everytime.
I'm an unabashed self-love enthusiast. I touch myself a lot when alone, even if I'm not fully masturbating. I play solo several times a week at least, if not sometimes several times a day, and have been doing so (and sorry if this is TMI) since I was a girl. When I was first starting out, I didn't know all the ins and outs of it yet (no pun intended... seriously!) and I didn't always orgasm, or not as intensely as I do now. I got to know myself over time. But even now, every time is different. Sometimes it takes minutes; sometimes hours; sometimes I have to admit defeat and try again later. It doesn't always correlate to how turned on I am beforehand, or any other factors. That random factor can be tricky sometimes - don't take it as the rule.
I would advocate 'learning yourself' with your hands first, before trying toys. I think it is more intimate and more organic that way, and every sensation will be your own direct experience. You'll be feeling yourself from all dimensions, as both the giver and the reciever; and as such, it may be easier to open up and discover your body's secrets.
Keep this in mind: what gets you off with a partner MIGHT NOT be what gets you off alone. By all means, try those things - starting with what you know is logical enough. Just don't limit yourself to your experiences with others. Sex with yourself is an entirely different game. On that note, you may also find that the way you orgasm solo is different, too. The important thing is to be open, to let go of your expectations, to be patient with yourself, and to have fun!
Wow some good idea and info.
Wow some really good tips.. Thanks very much all! Finally alone this evening so I will try some out.
FeelingReady wrote:
Wow some really good tips.. Thanks very much all! Finally alone this evening so I will try some out.
Your welcome Hope you have fun
I stuggle to climax.
Hello, I'm new to love honey.
I recently purchased a vibrator from this site and tried it for the first time last night.
I was dissapointed as the experience was not as gratifying as I had hoped it would be. I struggle to climax and since I started having sex, have only managed to climax a couple of times.
I can usually make myself cum while masterbating however that has become harder to achive, which is why I sort the help of a sex toy.
Does anybody else suffer from the struggle to climax and if so do you have any advise for me?
Thank you for your time.
Megz1 wrote:
I stuggle to climax.
Hello, I'm new to love honey.
I recently purchased a vibrator from this site and tried it for the first time last night.
I was dissapointed as the experience was not as gratifying as I had hoped it would be. I struggle to climax and since I started having sex, have only managed to climax a couple of times.
I can usually make myself cum while masterbating however that has become harder to achive, which is why I sort the help of a sex toy.
Does anybody else suffer from the struggle to climax and if so do you have any advise for me?
Thank you for your time.
Maybe start by concentrating on just stimulating your clitoris? This (usually) is the easiest way for a woman to get an orgasm. I don't know what type of vibrator you currently have, but you might want to also consider buying an extra powerful toy such as a wand.
Yes to everything Lady Liega said! + 1 on all of it.
I would add the following:
- Spend time finding out what you like. Do you like nipple play? If so - gentle, hard, pinching or stroking? Do you like inserting toys, or do you prefer "outside play"? I think many of us spend too much time thinking about how to orgasm, and too little time finding out what we actually like. Knowing your body well will increase the pleasure of your sex life. Both alone and with a partner.
- Use your hands to warm yourself up before adding toys. It helps in getting to know yourself, and varying hand position and angle can give very different sensations. Circle motions, "come hither"-motions, rubbing up and down - there are many things to do, try them all ;-)
- If your toy doesn't do it for you, let it be 100% clear in your mind that it's the toy that's wrong for you, not something wrong with you.
- Don't worry about orgasming. Try to find ways to play you really enjoy, and if you feel great but don't climax, let that be okay. Eventually - knowing your body and being relaxed - you will probably find it gets easier to go "all the way".
I have totally taken all these things on board and will be practising tonight when I get home from work.. I know how to get my self to a certain point but I just never climax. I shall let you know how I get on! Thanks again xx
Clockwork_Oasis wrote:
- Spend time finding out what you like. Do you like nipple play? If so - gentle, hard, pinching or stroking? Do you like inserting toys, or do you prefer "outside play"? I think many of us spend too much time thinking about how to orgasm, and too little time finding out what we actually like. Knowing your body well will increase the pleasure of your sex life. Both alone and with a partner.
- Use your hands to warm yourself up before adding toys. It helps in getting to know yourself, and varying hand position and angle can give very different sensations. Circle motions, "come hither"-motions, rubbing up and down - there are many things to do, try them all ;-)
- If your toy doesn't do it for you, let it be 100% clear in your mind that it's the toy that's wrong for you, not something wrong with you.
- Don't worry about orgasming. Try to find ways to play you really enjoy, and if you feel great but don't climax, let that be okay. Eventually - knowing your body and being relaxed - you will probably find it gets easier to go "all the way".
Clockwork has pretty much summed up most of what I was trying to say in a much more concise and readable manner. :) I tend to go on convoluted ramblings.
Megz1 wrote:
I stuggle to climax.
Hello, I'm new to love honey.
I recently purchased a vibrator from this site and tried it for the first time last night.
I was dissapointed as the experience was not as gratifying as I had hoped it would be. I struggle to climax and since I started having sex, have only managed to climax a couple of times.
I can usually make myself cum while masterbating however that has become harder to achive, which is why I sort the help of a sex toy.
Does anybody else suffer from the struggle to climax and if so do you have any advise for me?
Thank you for your time.
I don't like vibrators.
Looking at how many there are, how many are sold, and how much they're hyped, praised, highly-rated, rave-reviewed, etcetera (especially rabbits); I often feel as though I am the only woman in the history of the known universe who doesn't like them. And yeah, okay - maybe I just haven't found the right one (I haven't tried many, to be honest; but once bitten, twice shy), but I have little motivation to keep searching since I know I can get myself off otherwise.
So you are not alone in being disappointed and underwhelmed by your experiences with a vibrator. And to steal Clockwork's quote once more, remember:
- If your toy doesn't do it for you, let it be 100% clear in your mind that it's the toy that's wrong for you, not something wrong with you.
As for Lady Ligeia's advice, I agree with the first point (the clitoris is usually the key).
But as for a more powerful toy, well, that's something you'll have to examine a little closer.
For example, the main reason vibes don't work for me is the vibrations tend to make me go numb, which I don't need to tell you is the opposite of what I want! More power just equals number, faster. And less power... meh, it kinda tickles. If that was more like your experience, I would caution you to, from now on, set your expectations low when trying a new vibrator. I also think it depends on how you like to play - the higher powered ones might suit you for vaginal stimulation, but not clitoral, or vice versa.
As to struggling with climaxing... Here's something to think about:
I wouldn't consider myself as having difficulty climaxing.... but my husband would say I do. You may need to re-examine the way you are viewing yourself. Are you holding yourself to a standard? And is it yours, or someone else's? It may not be that you have difficulty climaxing, but rather that the way you climax has evolved.
'I can usually make myself cum while masterbating however that has become harder to achive, which is why I sort the help of a sex toy.'
I have been masturbating ( a LOT) for a long time. I now take longer, on average, than ever before. As with pretty much any physical activity, stamina increases naturally over time, even though your knowledge of the 'short cuts' also increases. I know just about everything there is to know about how to get myself off, and while it does sometimes take only a few minutes, it most often takes upwards of 15-30 mins. Toys don't help me, either. It's fingers or bust.
All of the advice given in this thread to the OP is probably valid for you. Most of all, I would like to reiterate this: don't give yourself a time limit. Maybe more time is all you need. Not expecting to cum quickly (or at all) may help you relax and enjoy yourself more.
Last but absolutely not least, if you still feel you need a little extra help, I suggest these alternatives to 'conventional' vibrating or penetrating toys:
Licking- or stroking- type toys (with or without vibration)
Lubes, masage oils and arousal balms with warming, tingling, or tightening effects
Ice or cold glass/metal/stone/ceramic
Textured toys/massagers/finger sleeves
Pinwheels or ticklers
Pussy pumps, clit clamps, and nipple toys
Personally, (as someone who, just to remind you, has had no success with vibes and takes a while to cum) I have found great success with clit and nipple clamps, lubes, and arousal balms. So that might be something to consider trying.
Best of luck and most of all, have fun!
Try inventing a fantasy and taking yourself through it using whatever feels right.
Toys, fingers, massage oils etc can all be used and with a little imagination you can take yourself to all sorts of great places !! x
Thanks wonderful ladies. After taking advice from all of you last night I did have a successful solo session! Xx
FeelingReady wrote:
Thanks wonderful ladies. After taking advice from all of you last night I did have a successful solo session! Xx
Yay!!! 
FeelingReady wrote:
Thanks wonderful ladies. After taking advice from all of you last night I did have a successful solo session! Xx
Aww, hurray! :D
FeelingReady wrote:
Thanks wonderful ladies. After taking advice from all of you last night I did have a successful solo session! Xx
Congrats!
Thanks honeys!
Terri JJ wrote:
Try inventing a fantasy and taking yourself through it using whatever feels right.
Toys, fingers, massage oils etc can all be used and with a little imagination you can take yourself to all sorts of great places !! x
Great fun fantasies are wonderful