Hello, I'm new here and have had fun reading through the foums and am glad to find many other people talking about things I like reading about.
I have a question about peoples attitudes towards sex toys. Generally to me it seems that the perception of the public is that it is OK for woman to have toys, I have even heard femals say "I need to buy batteries for my vibrator" without causing too much shock. However, it seems that atttudes towards guys having toys is that they are dirty men, or loners, a bit odd etc and having a toy is something to be embarassed about.
Is this just the people I know or is this a reflection of the general public?
I've just bought a tenga cup thing, looking forward to it ;-)
Good question but you have asked it in the wrong place. The forum here is populated by open minded honest people who happily discuss sex and related topics. The community is very welcoming and it is doubtful if anyone here would label a guy using toys as anything but normal.
In RL there are lots of people who would consider any toy use to be odd/unacceptable and there will be some who think it is ok for women but not men and some, like the members here just think any consenting adult using a toy is fine.
xGGx
by wrong place i dont mean wrong thread mearly that we dont represent the population as a whole just the openminded sections
Oh yes, sorry I didn't explain myself well. I actually meant if the open minded people here had noticed if the not so open minded general public have different attitudes to men and woman using sex toys. ie is there a general attuite out there (not on places like here) than woman with toys is almost OK but men is weird, or do people generally have the same attitude to men and woman and would view both equally. I have the feeling that if I announced to a group of friends that I had a toy they would think I was weird, but if a girl made the same announcement there would be some awkwardness but generally it would be OK.
Cant really answer that one either, I have an issue over my privacy which means I dont discuss sex/toys and kinks with friends or family. However most would be truely shocked/horrified if they saw the contents of my toybox
But generally I think there would be more acceptance of girls toys than guys toys
I feel awkward about owning sex toys myself. I do see the link between men being seen as strange for owning sex toys and for women... I guess it's an alternative to having the risk of getting pregnant. I guess people expect men to be on some sort of sexual rampage because we're fuelled by testosterone and men are generally bad at keeping themselves in control and they take the form of perverts and suchlike. I am lucky to have a friend who's a woman who is understanding when it comes to sexual health. Although she doesn't own sex toys, I told her I do and despite my embarassment telling her, she wasn't fazed at all by what I said.
I guess the fact that a man needs to buy a substitute for a vagina makes people think that he's really desperate and therefore a loner because he can't pull women just like that. And if a man buys a dildo, of which yours truly has one, he's automatically viewed as 'gay' because he 'likes penis up his bum hole'. You know that people generally view gay people worse than they do to lesbians. Men generally prefer lesbians a LOT more than gay people for obvious reasons. Due to their testosterone... well, gay men are in a bit of trouble there. Would straight men react the same to lesbians? No: they'd probably just jack off in front of their faces at the thought of lesbians.
Obviously not everyone's the same, but I guess it's a general rule right there.
I'm not sure I would enitely agree with that assessment. I think it's an accepted expectation that men masturbate a lot, and it's even gone so far as to become something of a source of humour. I don't imagine that too many people would seriously to object to you owning Tenga or similar, at most I can imagine you getting a bit of ribbing from a certain type of people. I think it's only when you stray into the blow-up doll territory that people would start to find it questionable and adopt negative attitudes.
I can see how there might be a societal double standard to some extent though, where a woman who uses a vibrator might be considered a strong independent woman who doesn't need a man, whereas a man who uses a sex toy is deemed to do so simply because he's incapable of getting a woman. Clearly it's not a healthy attitude towards sex to promote, and I hope that such outmoded ideas are dying out.
Personally, from the perspective of being gay, sex toys certainly aren't taboo amongst the type of people with whom I associate, and to the heterosexual members of Joe Public looking in, I get the feeling they assume that just by being gay you automatically have some level of kinkiness built in.
I think that some people are bit against even toys for women. I lately came accross a lot of comments on Czech forums that a woman who owns them is desperate, her lover is useless if she owns toys and she is just splashing money on something disgusting. In case she is really desperate, just use vegetables from the fridge, because its cheaper. Dont want to even know what their ideas about guys owning toys would be.
Although I know that even the best toy cannot give me the feeling of my partner inside me and above me, I still think these can go well together well. But I was bit affraid to buy my first toy, thats why I went to LH to do it. Likely because of the perceptions I hear especially in my home country. So think peoples oponions are still changing slowly
I think most people know us men masturbate i think we are more open to say we do,The toys:It can be really you use a toy thats different i might try something like a Tenga.
But if you were to say say i masturbate and i use a doll or a fake vagina then i think people would so thats a bit freaky as its not the morm to do and to some people freaky.
I dont own a Tenga but i do own the mens version of the vibraexciter and i have used the octopus.
I would love to try a doll out i even told my g/f that she said thats a bit freaky but then i said what i would want to do is have a picture of her face on the doll then she said actually thats quite sexy.
I think if you explain then people might understand better.
One day i might try out one of those fake vaginas.
In the real world I only discuss these things in very general terms, because I am aware that there are a lot of narrow minded people out there.
People's views are changing for the better I hope, but there is something of a double standard in some people's eyes. For example, female masturbation/fantasies/use of toys or erotica can be perceived as being liberating and empowering, while the equivalent male activites are viewed as a covert, dirty, smutty habit. I am only talking in general terms here, I know that there are actually many enlightened people in the world.
In fact, I think most therapists, psychologists and health professionals would agree that it is actually completely normal and healthy for anyone to have a satisfying, fulfilling sex life, with or without a partner. Sex toys can be a practical and valuable part of that, especially if someone happens to be single. Similarly, there are many reasons why someone may be single at a particular time; it can be a very productive phase in someone's development, so we should not stigmatise people of either gender or sexuality for being single, or for using toys.
From my experience it seems that men are perceived to masturbate more frequently, while women are more able to be open about the sex toys. From living with male friends, it seemed quite acceptable for them to turn around and say, 'I'm off for a wank' whereas if they had said, 'I'm off to use my stroker' it would have drawn a negative or jokey reaction.
Everyone I lived with knew that I and some other girls owned sex toys - and that was fine. Nobody said a word about it, but there was no way I could have said 'I'm off to my bedroom to masturbate' without turning heads and raising eyebrows.
So the idea that girls own sex toys is fine, but the idea that they use them is wrong?
The concept that men want to masturbate is totally cool but you shouldn't use anything other than your hand to do it?
This is just from my own experience, it doesn't apply to everyone obviously!
I think it depends very much on your situation; if you live in student house with lots of friends, male or female, then I think masturbating for both genders is a completely acceptable phenomenon, and talking briefly about it raises no eyebrows. If you live with a partner then I don't believe you'd get the best out of your toys without talking about them!
The toy issue is something that I thought long and hard about before even taking the plunge and buying. Like you I wondered what others would say if I were to talk about it or if they found one in a drawer or something, but I thought 'what the hell, it's my life! I'll do what I want with it!'
I'd say the same to you; if you're not comfortable bringing it up in conversation, then don't. I do think there's still a taboo about any sex toys, but especially male sex toys. Whether people are intimidated by them, or if they are just ignorant of what there is out there, that's their loss. I've got friends I've spoken to about the toys I have and they see me as some kind of sexual free spirit and applauded me for it!
Good choice on the Tenga Egg, was the first thing I bought on here, well worth it- great sensation! It opened my eyes to what there is out there!
Have to say some times some folk really annoy me by doing this to me the thought of buying a sex doll is just due to the negative steryotypes, but for a stroker or fleshlight/jack it seems okay because they dont have all the you bought a WHAT!!! sort of thing behind them.
As for dildos and anal toys well to be blunt I am getting fed up with my friends calling them "gay" or when I make a joke about them using them they say but Im not "gay" the hell does being gay have to do with it? Plenty of straight folk like anal.
I will admit though it is vey easy for guys to discuss wanking or anouncing to the world am off for a wank, as for women I think I would be shocked if a chick said that to me because its not something I regard as being something they would shout out to the world as they tend to only openly discuss guys and the sizes and stuff of other guys this being my personall experience.
As for society's views on these things well we all know a guy owning a toy is wrong and anal is gay and women only get sex but guys are only normal if they toss off regulary.
However with all the ancient views dying off along with those who hold on so tightly too them this is changing quite fast and I assume by the time Im forty you wont be normal unless you openly discuss your arsenall of toys.
My closest friends are men and three of them know that I have sex toys. One is gay, two are straight. Their attitude seems to be that for men a wank is a wank, so why use a stroker when their hand will do? Vibrators seem to be even farther outside of their experience. They really just don't see the point. Nothing about being loners or losers or any of that.
So I suspect that a rather major underlying factor in the difference in attitudes is the fact that men have a readily available substitute for the other half of intercourse and women don't. :-)
I think that for a lot of people "sex toy" instantly brings up images of something phallic. So I do believe that a lot of the negative sterotypes about toys and men is that some people are just not aware that some toys are designed specifically with male anatomy in mind.
Saying that, that also means that they see male anal as a negative, but again I hope that this is changing.
I have to agree with what Incendiare (sorry if I spelled that wrong!) though. When you are gay, you are already considered to be almost outside 'normal' sexual standards by default, so going that little extra with toys/bondage ect isn't seen as a massive leap. It's sort of expected in a way.
Well toys wear out and there's a few there that are more souvenirs than anything functional. As you know by know I like anal play, so each toy has a use at a given stage of play. And variety is the spice of life after all!
I think I currently have about hmm... 15? toys. The most used are bullets and the Lelo Siri, the rest is now not so often used, as I lack time and energy for proper play (I work manually 9 hours a day and I am just too tired so prefer faster getting there, not like when I have the energy and time to play). But there is variaty - internal vibrators, Luna beads, ceramic dildos, glass one, etc. Some may only need 1 toy, but I prefer to have bit more, and then choose depending on my mood. Some are more favourite than others.
due to the negative steryotypes, but for a stroker or fleshlight/jack it seems okay because they dont have all the you bought a WHAT!!! sort of thing behind them.